How to Love the Heck Out of Korea

(this is the expanded version first posted at Hub of Sparkle: including more pictures!)

[Update: blogger replaced all my pictures with ads, so I'm taking them out]

I know, I know, everybody's been wondering, "You seem like a cheery cat. So what makes a happy expat, Roboseyo?" well, fortunately, the guru is open for advice, with a bit of photo/video documentary evidence to back him up.

Fortunately for all concerned, it isn't too hard, if you take the initiative to actually follow the instructions given by your wise old guruseyo. Soon, you'll be as giddy as my former student, Jesse. (Balloons between your knees are optional.)

So, without further ado, but with one more picture, here goes:

How To Love the Heck out of Korea


1. get some friends (preferably evil ones) who will taunt you with K-pop music, and mock your suffering.

Hey Brian! Mwahaha!


2. Get out of the house as much as you can, so that you're around to notice stuff like this, instead of being at home browsing the web and missing all the awesome:



3. Get out of the city as often as you can, to enjoy the amazing landscapes, the small towns, sights, and people of the countryside.

Damyang, Andong

also: see the sights IN town, which are worthwhile, too - Seoul Forest

Last weekend, I went to Paju, and the Hyerin Art Village over there, with Girlfriendoseyo. It was really great.


Here was the coolest building in the whole art village: in the windows, they'd stacked slabs of glass that caught the sun in gorgeous ways. (Play this one: the music is one of my favourite compositions anywhere).





4. Enjoy the seasons. Yep. I said it.

See, we westerners often kind of derisively mock Koreans' trumpeting "Korea's Four, Distinct, Seasons" as if Korea had invented seasons or something. . . and I guess it's stylish to mock things, in some circles. . . except it makes me a surly old crank.

But seriously, the pictures I took of the Fall colours this year were so great (and the best ones got swallowed by my faulty memory card, so even what you're seeing on this slideshow are the weekends before and after the peak, not THE. PEAK. WEEKEND. which was ridiculous, and approaching obscenely beautiful), that I finally understood the enthusiasm. I wanted to grab tourists by the shoulders and shout in their faces, "HEY! Did you know Korea has four seasons?" too! -- I mean, why let a shell of cynicism put a too-cool-for-school dint on that kind of happiness? 

Korean autumn is effing beautiful, and there's no need to take anything away from that! So yeah, enjoy the seasons. Don't hate on the Koreans who love the seasons, too--they darn well oughta, living here. Yeah, other places ALSO have four distinct seasons, and yeah, Autumn in Southern Ontario, where I grew up, was pretty great too, but so what? Korea has a beautiful Autumn! Am I allowed to just be happy about that, and get my butt outside to enjoy it?

I think so.

5. Watch the people, and let the people-watching make you happy, because people are wonderful.

At the art village, these folks were taking pictures of their kid, and trying to make him/her smile; it was my favourite people-watching moment of the weekend.




6. Pay attention to ALL the details, and allow them to make you smile, not in a "Koreans are backwards, goofy people" way, but in a "Life is full of intriguing details" kind of way. Keep a journal where you write it down if you must, so that you remember the juicy bits, instead of noticing them, smiling for five seconds, and ten forgetting.

The a-little-TOO-excited bus announcer on the 273 makes me giggle every time I ride.


7. Eat good food.

8. Find something you like about the culture, and dig in.  One thing is enough, for starters.  Why watch Lee Hyori videos if she annoys you? There are a lot of aspects of Korean culture worth enjoying, from indie/underground music in the Hongdae area, to traditional performance arts, to the food culture, the '80s acoustic guitar stuff, the goofy fun of trot, not to mention the b-boy culture, the online gaming stuff, the wacky cool street fashion -- pretty much everyone I know who's been here a long time (as Gord Sellar pointed out, too) is involved in some meaningful interaction with some aspect of Korean culture. Don't pay attention to the annoying stuff: there's enough good stuff to never NEED to. Study the language, so you can meet a greater variety of Koreans, and have them like you for trying to learn the language. (Duh.)

Here's something I like about Korea's culture: Jang Sa-ik. Stay tuned for a full write-up on him later.

This is his song Jillaegott -- which (according to the Apple Translator on my dashboard, means "It will steam, ley the flower" uh...yeah. Keep working on that). The youtube page said "Mountain Rose" which sounds nicer. Anyway, he's my new second favourite Korean singer. (After this guy.)

9. Share the good stuff with people, instead of only sharing the complaints when you're around your friends.

Up at the top of my page, I have this quote, from Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet":

"If your everyday life seems poor, don't blame IT, blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no poor, indifferent place." -Rainer Maria Rilke

I'd say that doesn't just apply to poets, but to any human, anywhere, who feels that their everyday life seems barren and joyless. If I can get out of my own head enough to start noticing the country around me...well, I'm on my way to loving the heck out of anywhere, aren't I?
(P.S.: See you on Saturday)

Wanna Hang out with the Hub of Sparkle?

Find out more at the Hub of Sparkle Facebook page. (and join it, if you haven't already, silly!)

If you aren't on Facebook, but you still want to hang out with all the cool sparkly people, send me an e-mail at hubofsparkle[at]gmail[dot]com and I'll send you instructions.

It's on Saturday evening.

Random Linky Stuff

Welcome 2 Seoul has a good primer on Korean street food...except that Kimbap isn't like Korean sushi.  It's closer to Korean california roll, except kimbap came first, so really, California Roll is American style kimbap...but if we steal away Korea's right to name things that are uniquely Korean after more famous things that AREN'T Korean, (in order to convince people of their inferiority, rather than establish their uniqueness) Christmas will be cancelled.

(The twenty greatest "that guy" photo-ruiners ever...this rundown made me laugh out loud three times.)

In other being sarcastic about Korea news, who knew it was "World Unique Heritage of Irony Festival" in Suncheon, new hub of Korean irony, where Brian had his photo taken as a foreigner doing irony, while writing this hilarious post which you should read, even if you usually don't read Brian's blog.

I want you to look at this picture, from David Smeaton, who continues to put great photography up on his blog just about every day (as well as EPL Soccer scores...for all you EPL Soccer/Landscape Photography buffs out there, this is the blog for you.)

read the post for the explanation.

Makes you wonder when the shoe's gonna drop

on pirates being as stupidly brazen as this.

(Somali pirates capture Saudi oil tanker)

this seems like a really stupid thing to do, as they're basically inviting US stormtroopers to take care of this piracy problem once and for all.

sure kim jong il is not far from actually building a nuclear bomb, and he's dealing out counterfeit US money to beat the band, and trafficking drugs, and flouting every international agreement they've ever been a part of... but he doesn't mess around with oil, and whaddaya know: his ass is alive (probably)

as every person in the world learned when US invaded Iraq:

go ahead and be an @$$hole, but don't f__k around with oil.

To the Somali pirates: jeez, guys, think you might have bitten off more than you can chew this time.

I predict this overreach will be the beginning of the end of the Somali pirates' halycon days, as world governments decide to take them more seriously, and send in some serious countermeasures.

I could be wrong, though.

Belly Laugh for Sunday

They're available for YOUR bar-mitzvah... who could say no?
(posted on Facebook by Expat Jane)
and by the way: just so you know, they save the best clip for last in the video. Hang on...even skip ahead if you must.

Pure brilliance.

So Moon Geun-Young just went from Annoying as Hell to Over-Exposed, but Cool Nonetheless

So Moon Geun-Yeong, the Korean pop-star whom I have lampooned before (I even feel a bit bad about that now), just went from "really, really annoying" to "over-exposed, but kinda cool" when news came out that she was the donor sending large amounts of money to Community Chest Korea, a charitable organization. . . anonymously. Not with a shining light on her back saying, "Look! I'm a good person! Buy my merchandise! Pay no attention to the rumors that I throw furniture if restaurants don't serve me quickly enough!" A. No. Ny. Mous. Ly. God bless her bright, squirrelly eyes, even as they stare at me from the side of every fifth bus in Seoul.

Hopefully, this kind of celebrity leadership leads to copycatting behaviour from Korea's youth, rather than some other recent celebrity trends.

A mini-retrospective on her cutest/most annoying TV spots:






selling pizza with crab on it...


my personal favorite...




And finally, encouraging soccer fans to move around a bit during the 2006 World Cup...



Respect, ms. Moon.

For now...

About to head off for the weekend and Do Fun Stuff.

If you think I'm super-cool, (or just think the kind of people I hang out with are cool, which they are) and want to hang out with me in Seoul, this is just my notice for you to set aside your November 22nd evening...more details to come.

Until then, for your entertainment and edification...
some links

1. putting stuff in a microwave


2. Wanna know what it's like to surf the internet in China? See what gets through The Great Firewall Of China.

3. A little high-brow humor from a Korean skit... for those who don't think Koreans have a sense of humor. (sigh: this advanced comedy technique of running a middling gag deep, deep into the ground, reminds me of the old days, watching Saturday Night Live)

The Peak of Suicide Season: A Prayer for Korean Students

Today is the day of the Korean College Entrance Exam.



Last night, I went downtown to see Girlfriendoseyo, and we had a very pleasant night. However, on the way through the winding alleys of Samchungong, we passed the entrance to a high school, and saw a cluster of underclasspersons sitting together, wrapped up in blankets.

You see, every year, High School Seniors take the High School Entrance exam, basically the most important test of their lives. Their score on this exam determines what University they can enter, and which university they attend, in this credential-obssessed society, basically determines your employability for life.

For example, despite all the efforts of the Education ministry to reduce the dominance of the three top universities in Korea (SKY: Seoul National, Korea, Yonsei Universities), 80% of the judges appointed between 2003 and 2008 were SKY graduates: a veritable stranglehold. You would find similar unbalances in most other sectors where power, money, and influence concentrate.

Because of the importance of the exam, students NOT in their senior year gather at the entrances of their high schools to cheer on their seniors, as they enter the school.

Today, roads will be blocked off to eliminate traffic noise around test sites. Airports will even re-arrange flight approach paths, so that airplanes' drone does not distract students in their seats, during the exam. Police wait by subway stations to speedily escort late students from the subway exit to their exam site, to help them arrive on time. High school seniors have been living on four hours of sleep a night for the months leading up to today; some parents even rent their kids a room in a goshiwon -- a cheap hotel -- so that they can study without distraction from their brothers and sisters, or from the TV or internet.

SeoulGlow made this video, interviewing students waiting outside a university's gates, a few years ago.


The dark side of the hope and expectations tied up in this one exam (and it's big: I've asked adults in their 30s, "What would you change about your past, if you had a magic wand?" and one of the most common answers was "I'd study harder in my last year of high school, to get into a better school: eighteen years later, people are STILL looking back at THIS test, as the turning point of their lives), is the depression and despair that comes with the fear of failure.

This article, "On a College Entrance Exam Deathwatch," suggests that probably 200 (mostly teen) suicides a year in Korea are directly connected with anxiety over this test. The stories the writer tells are sometimes shocking.

This is a story about students protesting the exam: they wore masks to hide their identities, because they were afraid they'd be put on some university admissions blacklist if their identities were known. They're just that afraid of not being able to get into a good school. A Korean Teachers' Union actually told their students to cheat as a way of protesting the exam. . . and were rightly called by Brian from Jeollanamdo for putting their students' careers on the line, rather than putting their OWN careers on the line, if they believed so strongly in their cause.

The exam is mostly multiple choice...and soul-killing, and emblematic of a lot of the things I criticize about Korea's culture (I even wrote about it on my "Five Things I'd Change About Korea" post. . . )

So if you know any Korean kids writing the exam, say a prayer today (their moms have been praying eight hours a day for a month now; you can at least spare one or two), and hope that this year, more students choose to skip suicide, and instead do that other awful things underperforming students do, and put their entire life on hold in order to study for ANOTHER year after graduating high school, just to get a better score and get into a better school.

The public school teacher exam was on Sunday, too, so a lot of people's futures are hanging on the results of this week's tests.

(the number of years lost to studying by Koreans taking these once-a-year-exam, including the civil service exam, the bar exam, the public school-teacher exam, and the high school exam, and the number of person-years of lost productivity, as well as the drain on the finances of the parents of these study-monkeys, ought to be calculated, in order for their impact/drag on Korea's economy to be quantified...I'd bet the only thing holding Korea's economy back MORE than all these years of work lost, from some of Korea's brightest people, is the gender empowerment gap.)

A Lovely Eulogy

My wonderful friend back in Canada, Melissa, wrote a really lovely eulogy for an old woman who started out as a babysitter, and became a family member over time.

It is a beautiful tribute, and also a touching expression of the way family extends so far beyond the narrow bounds of blood relation, and love supercedes any other relation, or lack thereof, between humans.

Go read it, and extend a bit of support, if you wish, I suppose.

Sorry you have to miss your Grandma Kadie, Mel. Thanks for sharing her with us.

a nice thing about writing at the Hub of Sparkle is, when you're piping mad about something...

I can save my social commentary/moral outrage about Korea's social problems stuff for there, and keep Roboseyo a mostly happy place.

But I'm mad, readers.  Flaming mad.

Because the people who are supposed to be protecting kids: parents and teachers and stuff, are covering up acts of violence against minors.  Rather than raising a holy stink to high heaven, and throwing the perps up against a wall, with a good strong smackdown, to show everyone around that this is not acceptable behaviour, and will be punished by the law, a lot, and is also bad, parents and teachers at schools deny things and cover things up, in order not to lose face.

Losing face, dear readers.  

In other words: they are not doing their jobs properly, because they don't want it to look like they aren't doing their jobs properly.

Yeah.  When you word it that way, saving face is absolute bullshit.

Now, I know it only raises my blood pressure to get worked up about things too big for me to change personally... but this time, I'm at least pitching in, boys and girls.

See, the biggest problem with all this violence against kids being tolerated or ignored, is that people DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.  And I can talk about it.  And now that a few people read my blog, I can even get other people talking about it.

Because here in Korea, the only time shit actually seems to get done is when someone in power gets embarrassed for not having done his (yeah, it's usually a guy, this being Korea and all) job properly up until that point.  I could reference numerous incidences where as soon as something went public and embarrassed some people, decision-makers finally got around to doing something.

It is also well-known to anyone familiar with Korea, that Korea really hates being criticized in the International Media (even the Lonely Planet gets'em up in arms, and a Singaporean textbook...heaven help us all!).  If a major network picked up a story about Korea's apparent lack of care for all the corporal punishment and, even worse, the denials, cover-ups, and general flippance TOWARD these acts and much, much worse, maybe the right feathers would get ruffled, and things would start to change.

I've started a page over at Hub of Sparkle where I'm collecting all the ugly incidents of schoolteacher coverups, parents refusing to cooperate with police investigations on violence against kids, because it brings shame to the family, of police neglecting to properly investigate crimes against kids, because it sounds too much like work, so that if/when a journalist DOES decide to do that exposee, they'll have their job made easy, because the last round of stories, news links, and blog anecdotes (see the post after the link) has just been a bridge too far, and I want to do something about it.

So go check the link repository at Hub of Sparkle.  Send me links at hubofsparkle[at]gmail[dot]com if you have a story, or leave it in the comments.  I'm especially looking for stuff a journalist would be able to use, for example, news articles from creditable sources, or articles in translation with links to the original Korean articles.  Help me build up a stockpile of yuck, so that the right people can be embarrassed into actually making this country a better, safer place to be a kid.

Leave comments about the kids over there, not here.

James Bond, Quantum Of Solace

Saw the new Bond movie. Hit Play. (the official video)


A few notes.

First of all... it doesn't immediately come to mind, but once you think about it, while he was also born to do much more, Jack White was born, born, BORN to sing a James Bond 007 theme song. He brings the thunder and howl the franchise needs -- like the wailing wild horns in the Gold-finger theme, as well as the menace in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," and the swagger of the original theme. His duet partner hits it, too -- heck, I want (the amazingly talented) Alicia Keys to play a Bond babe now. The rhythm and wordplay of the lyrics -- seriously, the only recent Bond theme that comes CLOSE to being this memorable was Garbage singing "The World Is Not Enough" (another band born to do a Bond theme).  (other artists born to sing Bond: Shirley Bassey (Goldfinger, Diamonds are Forever), Tom Jones (Thunderball))

Honestly, beyond the fact that if you brainstormed all the stuff Guys want to see in a movie, you'd come up with James Bond (think about it: car chases, spy stuff, guns, hot slutty girls, and a badass hero who's the ultimate uberman for all seasons -- are we missing anything? That formula's never gonna run out), I think the thing that drives the James Bond movies, and has helped the franchise last for so long, is that the music for Bond ROCKS, and made Bond the spy movie that endured, instead of being Just Another Spy Movie from 1962.

There are five elements every Bond film contains, by which they can be measured against each other.
1. the action sequence before the opening credits (the Pierce Brosnan bonds were always strong here, but the last two are among the best ever)
2. the opening theme song (best: Gold Finger; worst: the ones by Madonna and Duran Duran; most surprisingly good: Live and Let Die: who knew Paul McCartney had it in him?)
3. the opening animations (would have to rewatch them all to say; don't feel like it)
4. the bond babe (best: Halle Berry, a handful of the early Connery Bond babes; worst: Denise Richards, didn't like Grace Jones, either.)
5. the villain (pick'em: this category depends a lot on what you like; I lean toward Christopher Walken in View to a Kill, though some of the early ones were awesome, too)

6. (i suppose) the actor for Bond

(7. if you want: the action sequences in general, though this one's hazy, because it could be divided into the car chases and the climactic sequences, and there are so many ways to categorize action sequences, that might just boil down to preference)

Previously you could have added
8. cleverness of catchphrase deliveries ("Martini, extra dry..." "Bond. James Bond", etc.)
9. cheesiness of puns
10. godawful cheesiness of closing line (Worst ever: ""I thought Christmas only came once a year." [the world is not enough])
11. silliness of the "Q" (and "R") gadget scenes (and the ridiculousness of the gadgets)
12. the car (and the goofy bells and whistles in the car)


Let it be known that I love the Bond franchise, because it's mindless popcorn action at its finest. One summer, I watched every Bond movie with my dad; he systematically rented two or three a week, and we got through all of them. Watching movies and TV shows has always been the way Poposeyo and I bonded. (haha. bonded). It's amazing how similar they are to one another, other than the elements above, and special effects technology of the era.

So, how does Quantum of Solace stack up?

1. The action scenes before the opening credits for the most recent two Bonds were more visceral and right-out thrilling than most of what we saw in the past: Daniel Craig actually sells the action much better than most of the other guys: no way Roger Moore could jump that far.  Daniel Craig jumping that far. . . maybe!)

2. Music: as I said: maybe the best Bond Theme since the '60s, in my opinion.  Whatever it is, it's got it.

3. Opening animations: good.  Very good.  Not world-changing, but the colours and style fit the music, and have a kind of throwback feel, with cool muted '70s colours and bullet-traces in wacky psychadelic contrasts to the backgrounds.

4. Bond Babe: Primary Bond babe Olga Kurylenko looks really really good with a dirty face (important for this Bond Babe, as she actually gets in on the action).  I'd put her above average, quite good, in fact, in the "Halle Berry's asskicking bond babe" mode, rather than the "screaming hostage in distress" mode we used to see.  Ms. Olga's pushing, but not necessarily in the top seven.  The secondary Bond babe (every movie has two) was kinda weak sauce, though, unless you have a thing for librarians.

5. Villan: again, kind of weak sauce.  Since the end of the cold war, it's been hard to come up with a really delicious bad guy, and the fact these new Bonds are trying to get away from the silly overkill of the underground-fortress-stuff kinda cock-blocks the writers from inventing a good, juicy megalomaniac.  Yeah, this guy's plan was evil and grandiose, but while I don't want to give away spoilers, let's just say that it didn't have the kind of "Sink all of California into the ocean" ambition that former villains did, and he wasn't very scary or menacing, either. Especially appearing so soon after Heath Ledger's Joker, a bad guy who dripped menace and the threat of unexpected, gleefully sickening violence at any second.  Sorry, Bond people.  Don't give your villains French accents, for a start.  Just stay away from the Romance language aisle entirely, if you're shopping for evil accents.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Soundtrack II: Gold Finger. Best Theme Ever. 

But here's the reason I like these new Daniel Craig Bond movies:

The absence of Bond Standbys 8-12.

See, after Austin Powers sent them up so deliciously, the REAL Bond people couldn't make any more movies cut from the old cloth, because now that Mike Myers lampooned those tropes, going back to that well again would have devolved quickly into self-parody.  You might have noticed (especially when John Cleese's "R" replaced Desmond Llewellyn's "Q") that Pierce Brosnan's Bond movies were heading in that direction, having no choice but to get sillier and sillier, just to come up with something you haven't already seen before in another Bond film.

These new Bonds, they lampoon some of the old cliches, and you see references to the old Bond films (for example, the Gold Finger tribute that any Bondophile will notice), but they don't go saying the goofy names directly, or making the kinds of "I just threw up in my mouth" puns that you waited for, but still cringed at, in the old Bond movies.

Finally, on the last two Bonds:

1. Roger Moore is the most divisive of Bonds; he's kind of a love'em or hate'em guy.  I liked him, but he hung on a bit too long, and he made two or three too many movies before he hung up his laser GPS radio cufflinks.

2. The problem with every Bond after Connery is that the best they could ever be is a pretty good imitation of Sean Connery -- if you're starting off trying to be someone else, you're never going to create something fantastic of your own.  Being the best Bond since Connery was previously like being the best runner-up for MVP in Baseball History.  

3.  Pierce Brosnan took old Connery Bond as far as it could go.  He was a very credible Bond, and he quit at the right time.  He rescued Bond in the '90s, and made a few very good films: I'd rate him as the second best Bond after Connery.  However, after Brosnan, there just wasn't anywhere to go, except either farther over the top (which would have ended up like Batman And Robin, going too far and nearly sinking the franchise forever...) or back to basics.

4.  Daniel Craig is the first James Bond who isn't mostly just trying to be Sean Connery.  He brings his own thing to Bond, and sells it.  He does still manage to look really good in a tuxedo, but he also looks better (at least, more convincing) covered in dust and grime than any of the other Bonds, and when he chases a bad guy down across rooftops or wins a knife-fight on a speeding motorboat, he does it in a way that you believe he actually could.  When people punch him, it hurts, and when he jumps from a moving car, he gets scrapes on his face.  Most importantly, his Bond actually has an internal life, rather than just being a cartoon puppet in either a tux or a t-shirt with a ripped pectoral, moved through set pieces in order to show the maximum number of either boobs or bombs per frame of film. 

But the main reason I think these are the best Bond films since Connery is that they've finally hired a really really good writer, and given Bond some dialogue as good as the music backing it.  The conversation in Casino Royale, when he first meets Vesper, Eva Green's character, was so well-written and clever that it played like a proclamation: "Hey everybody!  This is a different James Bond than you had before" and unlike when George Lazenby tried that, and the world wasn't ready for their icon to be flooped around, this time, everybody knew it was time.

I'd put both of these new Bonds in my top seven, frankly, and one of them (but not both) in my top five.

Now I'm gonna go download Thunderball (first or second best Bond ever; underwater fight scene: most thrilling Bond action sequence ever), before I get carried away and say Daniel Craig is as good as Sean Connery or something silly like that.

Update: Olya, the Bond Babe of the hour, has been accused by a group in Russian communists of being a traitor, for appearing in this film; they also think that the Bond people were insulting Russia by implying that Bond boned with her.  Smells like "we can get international attention if we criticize her" to me.

P.S.: Koreans were offended by "Die Another Day" because of its choice to make the villain North Korean.  A South Korean actor even refused to appear in the film, and North Korea had some words to say about it in an official Press Release.

Kim Jong Il is the new Waldo

A few other bloggers have linked to this, but it makes me laugh nonetheless.

The theme of the photoshop contest was "Kim Jong-Il lives," and go see the gallery at Somethingawful.com.

Another great pair of photoshop contests: "If a major war had gone the other way" and "What Campaign Ads Would Look Like if The Voting Age Was 6."

A Few Kim Jong-Il Highlights:


I found him. Can you?

I've heard they like Kimchi, too!

Foreigners (gasp! foreigners!) sing a nice little a capella version of Korea's best-loved folk-song, Arirang, around a dinner table.

It's a great song, beautiful as all-get-out, if you find a good version of it, though as I've blogged before, kind of like the The Star Spangled Banner (first place): in the hands of the wrong show-off, it can turn into a piece of overwrought yuck (speaking of self promotion and misuse of a cultural treasure, here's the last time I mentioned arirang, as pertaining to its being plundered for the closing credits of a horrible movie, in a crass, cheap ploy for movie promotion based on nationalistic pride).
Here's my favourite version of that song, linked before, because of the slow build-up, ending in the crowd singing along at the climax.

Here ya go, all you U. S. of Americans.

Hugh Laurie


You may recognize this singer, a brilliant comedian...from his most recent television role.


Personally, I prefer his early work.

(the Prince Regent, from Blackadder)

While Everybody Else is talking about the Election... Funny Story Contest!

Here's what might be the funniest story I've read on a Korea blog.

ROK Drop, an excellent blog that I would feature as a Blog Of The Month, if it weren't a far better, more popular blog than mine which didn't need a boost from me in any way, shape, or form, has this brilliant story about a bunch of Philippina juicy girls getting into a snowball fight at the Dongducheon ville.  Warm up your imagination juices and try to create a mental picture as you read it.  It slew me, and ought to crack you up, too.

Here's the setup:

The funniest fight I ever saw in the ville has to be this alteracation that happened a few years back.  Like the beginning to any good military story, "there I was" buying a kebab from the Turkish kebab stand at the Dongducheon Ville.  I’m pretty sure it was December, but it was winter and it was snowing very heavily that night.  A number of Philippina juicy girls were out in front of their clubs checking out the falling snow.  For many of them it was probably the first snow that they had ever seen.  Anyway I’m standing there waiting for my kebab and suddenly from the corner of my eye I see this snowball fly through the air and smash a juicy girl in the back of the head standing in front of the New World Club. Absolutely a perfect shot.

Here's the link.  Follow up and read up for what happens next.

I'm sure it was much funnier than this.

Snowfight: 2 Bikini Girls Part 1 - Funny bloopers R us

(If you have a funnier Korea story from a Korea blog, put the link in the comments or e-mail them to me at the sidebar address.  I'll hand out hat tips and whatnot of course.)

This one's for you, Brian In Jeollanam-do.

Halloween costume of the year.

spotted by The Constant Crafter, in Jongno.

Seoul Forest, and Excellent Weekend

So on Friday (Halloween) night, my friend Jennifer took me to Kyunghee Palace, the most haunted palace in Seoul, and regaled us with ghost stories about royals accused of witchcraft, the spritual-superchargity of Shaman-Central, Inwang Mountain, and serial killer princes locked in rice chests to starve to death, which led to the old puzzle:

If Halloween is a Western holiday (and it is; it's only just now gaining speed in Korea, mostly through Hogwan halloween parties), do Korean ghosts come out, too?

I've always wondered about this; what about luck: as a westerner living in Korea, should I avoid the number 13 (western superstition) the number 4 (Korean superstition), both, or neither? Is it safe for me to open umbrellas indoors here (Koreans often do, leaving umbrellas open in building entrances or hallways outside apartments, so that the water runs off), or should I still avoid it?

Whoa. When I did a google images search for "Black Cat"
I expected this.


Not this. (Black Cat: Felicia Hardy. Thanks, Marvel)
Anyway, we didn't see any ghosts; only some ineffectual security guards. We did go to a great ghost-themed dive bar that was about as cheesy as a scene from Army of Darkness, and as awesome.

Saturday, I helped Foreign/er Joy move to a new place, and hung out with Gomushin Girl (who took some pictures I want) and Zenkimchi, and ate lamb galbi, and durn, it was good (you can read about it here and here, too), but Sunday was gorgeous: I went to Seoul Forest with Girlfriendoseyo and we saw some of the more fantastic fall colours I've seen this year. Girlfriendoseyo says the Fall Colours are not as nice this year as other years, because of the dry summer, but you won't hear me complaining. The Eulalias (the white-headed stalk-plants you'll see blowing in the wind in the video) stood out in white against the vivid fall colours, and we biked all around that area, over to the deer park, and down to the Han River Park on rented bicycles, soaking in the perfect weather and rich sunlight.

Yah, it was nice. One of the most colourful days I've ever spent outside an amusement park.
Here's the slideshow, with the song "Summer Life" by Shaky Hands to accompany.


And here are some pictures so you can feel happy too.
So anyway, if you're in Seoul, get ya butt down to Seoul Forest, THIS WEEK, before the gorgeous leaves fall off the trees.

But you'll have to find your own hottie to accompany you.  Girlfriendoseyo's taken.

P.S.: they have horses.
Below: probably my favourite picture from the day.
And the most colourful: in the Summer, the eulalias are nice, but in the autumn, against the red, orange and yellow, they're spectacular.
Off with ye: get over there.  Ttukseom Station (line 2), exit 8, there's a shuttle bus that goes right to the park entrance, and a bike rental spot right next to the entrance.  You. Have. No. Excuse. Not. To. (if you live in Seoul)

Have any of you heard about this?

Apparently there's some kind of an election coming up, in China or America or Germany or something. . . 

have any of you heard about this?  If it's important (and I think it might be), I wish the media were more on top of things, and did a better job of making sure people got wind of important changes on the world scene.  I mean, especially the Chinese or Americans or Germans or whoever -- they have to vote and stuff.

Anyway, next time around, I hope there's a little more coverage, you know, if it's important and all.  And whoever it is that's having the election (google didn't turn up much), I hope they get out and vote and all.  And that the best candidate (sorry; haven't heard about who they are, or what each of them has to offer) will win.  I'm tired of all the under-coverage in the news these days.  It's frustrating having to try so hard just to find out what's going on.

(ps: dystopian visions of what happens if the wrong party wins)

Update: Here. I think this is what I heard about. Helen Clark vs. John Key on the 8th, for New Zealand's next pope (that's what they have in New Zealand, isn't it?).

The only goal of Korean pop music producers (Banana Girl)

is to create something that will stick in your head like a ballbuster,

and dress it up in as much cute/sexy line-straddling hijinks as they can.

**OK. I should qualify this with saying "often" "sometimes" and "many" instead of "always" "never" and "all". . . but sometimes it seems this way, OK?**

to me, the experience of diving into modern Korean dance/pop music is about tantamount to skipping lunch and eating cotton candy until I'm full instead.

And I swear, there's a musically gifted, sugar-hyper six-year old singing to herself, confined in a music studio basement somewhere who is the inspiration, maybe even the composer, for all these songs.

For your consideration:

Crazy Crazy Crazy, by Banana Girl (note the cute faces, the attempt to start a line-dance craze, and fingers pointing in the air with baby-pink cute smiles)

Here is my running "this is what's going through my head as I watch this video" diary for chocolate, also by Banana Girl. (maybe it's just Banana Girl...)



candy. too cute.
the v sign -- two fingers in the air. getting the cheese on early.

seriously, is this band's target audience four-year olds?

lollipop flowers. . . and then a wiggle dance in a bare-shoulder dress.

ooh. slipped on a bananaa peel. didn't see that coming.

ooh. it can't be a korean mousic video without an attempt to start a dance craze. . . it's like a Freddie Prinze Jr. Movie.

Cartoon mascots. and cotton candy. I swear this video had a six-year-old executive procucer.

the platinum blode wigs are. . . uh...

I wonder how many of these dance crazes people attempt to start, but never catch on. The people at the dance club probably didn't take this one on because they couldn't find enough cartoonishly large lollipops.

holy crap a rodeo machine! only for two seconds.

a candy-cane pole dance and that rodeo machine again. . . so their target audience is four-year old girls and thirty-one year-old men, then. hmmm.

So did hershey sponsor the making of this video?

Wow. There are genres of Korean music I like but dear friends, this ain't it.
I think my hands are shaking.


That was kind of fun.

So, is K-pop getting too sexified? Here's "Kiss Kiss" also by Banana Girls

Again, James Turnbull would be better at discussing the cutsified, lolita-sex appeal of the baby talk, whiny singing, eyelash-batting bicycle-riding kid stuff, balanced against the intensive oral fixation (lollipops, fingers by mouth, a FREAKING CHERRY!), the stick-in-your-head-with-crazy-glue catchiness with those whiny syllables at the end of every line (not just in this song, either)


This sounds very similar to the band/artist I mentioned before explaining why K-pop is sometimes like wading through a swamp of cute, (Lee Hyun Ji) -- any connection between these bands, other than the fact they're like corkscrews in my brain?  It's difficult to explain this kind of pop culture without seeing it, but this is a common form of femininity here, as far as I can tell, and I know some people (not many, but a few) who do (or try to (from time to time at least)) act like these starlets (with varying degrees of success); at the same time, I'm not so much an expert, but I have a feeling a band like this wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of making it in North America, unless they played up the cutesy cheesiness to the level of hardcore fetish, and ended up in some kind of creepy raincoat-flasher target-market niche/asiophile who would have found out about them anyway demographic, kind of like that old Russian teen-lesbian-pop-duo import from 2003, TATU.

All this stuff is way sexier than what one could get away with pulling three years ago, say -- even superduperstar Rain had his song banned for singing about his magic stick!

And this is where I live, dear readers.

So what do you think, readers?  What's the North American culture equivalent to Banana Girl?   And what would happen if Banana Girl decided to tour the states?  The cultural differences that manifest in pop culture fascinate me to no end.

Until I can get more pics up. . .

I went to Seoul Forest with Girlfriendoseyo on Sunday, after a great Saturday meeting a few friends, who took some pictures of me which I want. With a capital W. Beautiful in Seoul Forest though. Just beautiful.

But until I can get the slideshow up and running, and choose the perfect song, here are two pictures for the lot of you, to tide you over until the full write-up comes online,





and here's one just for you, Gomushin Girl.




(ever wanted to hear a real, juicy evil laugh, by the way? I present to you, my nemeis: daunting indeed, she is!)


(HT to Foreigner Joy...anybody got a spare window she can use?)