On Ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists: Part 1: But You're TEACHERS!

On Ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists:
Let's not all crap our pants now
Part 1: But You're TEACHERS!

Here is the table of contents to the series: On Ugly English Teachers and Racist English Teachers: Let's not all Crap our Pants Now: Intro
Part 1: But You're TEACHERS!
An Open Letter to new English Teachers in Korea
Part 2: Why, Yes, Korea DOES have a Batshit Media! Why do you ask?
Part 3: Yeah, Some Self-Reflection Is Called For, but not From You, Ms. Choi
Part 4: Racism, Culture-shock, Acclimation and Integration in Minjokland
Part 5: The PR Campaign: 'Seyo's Marching Orders

Image: buy the t-shirt for your kid.

This is a new one, actually. See, one thing I've noticed in having conversations in English about Korea with Koreans is that it's startling how often one will come across what almost seems like rote answers or rationalizations to common questions and topics. Almost as if they're programmed in during second period dodeok in eighth grade. For example, "1. Korea has many people. 2. Korea has little land. 3. Korea has few natural resources. 4. Our only real resource is people. 5. With lots of people and few resources, Korean life is very competitive. 6. Therefore, to gain a competitive advantage, education is the key. 7. Therefore Koreans MUST get a good education, to compete. 8. Therefore we must push our children to do well in school, or our kids will fall behind the other kids. 9. Therefore, even though Minji and I both hate it, I STILL must force Minji to go to at least as many Hogwans as Mrs. Kim's daughter." It's not that any of this is untrue, or at least not partially true, but it sometimes it seems like discussion of the topic will brook no other arguments than those already tabled.

I've seen similar rote responses in discussion of other social issues popular in expat + Korean conversations (another example is the "but we can't make our entrance exams into other formats than multiple choice tests because multiple choice is objective: you can't bribe a scantron; writing tests or even double-blind interviews are too subjective to be trusted").

I've also had the honor of spotting a new meme to add to the progression. A few years ago, I started hearing this added to the others about competing for success through education: "Yeah, Roh Moo-hyun/Hyundai's CEO/some other wildly successful Korean was a self-made man/woman...but that was then, in the past. That kind of success is impossible in today's Korea, therefore, even though it wasn't always, education is NOW the ONLY way to be successful in modern Korea."

Well, in my talking with Koreans about why Korea focuses on English teacher drug use, for example, over drug use by its own population, or other expat populations (and the majority of foreigner drug-smuggling that happens takes place among Chinese and SouthEast-Asian expats living in Korea, I believe, though I don't have statistics at hand to back that up: the potsmoking English teachers are a tiny minority of the foreign drug users in Korea, to say nothing of Korea's own home-grown dealers and users). But we're teachers, and we deal with kids, I've been told, a number of times now, so it's worse if foreign English teachers do it, than if a bunch of Thai factory workers unwind with a little contraband...or use a little sumpin' sumpin to keep them awake through the last leg of that 36 hour shift their exploitastic boss put them on. And that's why the news media pays attention to English teacher iniquity over drug crimes, or other crimes done by other segments of the expat or local population. That's the new argument I've heard, almost by rote, the last handful of times I've talking about scapegoating. Didn't used to hear it.

We're teachers. The expectations are higher for us.

And here's what I have to say about that:

granted.

You know what, we ARE teachers, and we SHOULD be respectable, especially if we're working with kids. Yeah, seriously. If we want to be treated with the respect that is supposedly due to teachers in Confucian society (whatever that means), then we ought to act the part, and not be dipshits. And maybe you want to say "but we're not Korean, so why should Korean rules apply to us?" but you're in Korea, aren't you? Yeah, that argument can be stretched out ad absurdium into the unhelpful, "If you don't like it, go home"... but "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" can surely be followed without being tortured into, "If you don't like it, go home," (which is my absolute least favorite phrase in the entire culture-clash conversation, and is usually a dead giveaway that the person you're talking with has already made up their mind, and you're not conversing, because one of you ain't listening to the other).

Sure, because we're foreign, sometimes allowances are made for us. My Korean friends are mortified by my boldness if I strike up a conversation with a stranger (gasp! a STRANGER?) in the bank line or on a subway, but they shrug it off with "he's a foreigner". We've all gotten away with stuff by playing the 'foreigner card' - 'Gee, sorry, sir. I couldn't read the -stay off the grass- sign, sorry!'. But that does not mean we are entitled to having allowances be made for us. And you know, my supervisor might make allowances, because it's her job to help me do my job, but that doesn't necessarily apply to Byung-chul on the street, in whose country I am living, and who still sees me as a guest...and a sometime rude one at that. Some of us DO need to clean up our act, and it DOES behoove us to respect the fact teachers are held in high esteem here, and do what we can to act the part.

Couple other things, however:
First, if it's true that teachers are held in higher regard, and teacher crimes are considered that much worse BECAUSE WE'RE TEACHERS, then let's make sure that principle is applied across the board. If Korean teachers behave badly (and statistically, they sometimes do), I'd like to see foreign English teachers given the same treatment Korean teachers get when they step out of line, and by that I mean this:

I would like to see those misdeeds portrayed as inappropriate acts by individuals, not as behavior trends that characterize the entire group. A few Korean teachers getting caught in a prostitution sting does not lead to every Korean schoolteacher being accused of whoring, and if such rhetoric entered public discourse, teacher's union representatives would be quick to respond. It would be nice if the same courtesy of not measuring the lot of us by the low-water mark, were extended to Native English Teachers in Korea.

This point does get sticky when we head into the realm where law-abiding foreign English teachers get attacked for making choices which, while legal, are not always up to the highest standard of behavior, or just make people uncomfortable because of their racist ideas about a pure-blooded Korea. No, a male Native English Teacher's choice to date a Korean female does NOT affect his ability to teach his students, and yeah, it IS sexist that it's cool - it's great! - for a foreign female to date a Korean male (look how she's trying to get involved in Korean culture!) but it's not cool for a foreign male to date a Korean FEMALE (keep your dirty waygook hands off OUR women!) and yeah, a large - huge percentage of the anti-English teacher backlash is rooted in the sexist assumption that Korean females are helpless against foreign men's blue-eyed voodoo, and the unreasonable wish that male English teachers live as monks while they're in Korea (though it's fine if western women date Korean men, of course).

[Update: I am informed by Gomushin Girl in the comments that KF + WM BAD/WF + KM GOOD is an oversimplification of the foreign (particularly white) female, Korean male dating situation. She'd know better than I.]

Those sexist, racist ideas are reprehensible, but they won't go away until, basically, socially, Korea grows up (a moment to acknowledge that Korea's not the only country that needs to grow up in this way), and people who believe that kind of junk are relegated farther to the outliers of society, where they'll be recognized, and dismissed, as extreme and irrelevant voices. Until then, there ARE a couple of things we could do while we're here to at least alleviate the ugliness.

In fact, this is important enough that I'm going to make it a separate post of its own.

So go read it. "An Open Letter to New Teachers in Korea"


Now, Korea's not the only place where visual profiling takes place. How many of us have groaned in embarrassment when we went with grandma or dad, into the 7-11 back in our home-country, and dad or grandma spoke to the second-generation East-Indian store clerk (who was our classmate in high school, and won the English essay contest, and is due to inherit a chain of 7-11's across the city, and lives in a house with a garage bigger than my current apartment) in super-slow half-formed pidgin-English sentences. We get judged by our looks, if we look different than Koreans, and you know, there's not a whole lot we can do about that, except be mindful of it.

Another thing about being teachers is that we DO get into the teaching profession a lot more easily than Korean nationals. They have to go through years of education, and pass a super-badass-hard test before they can get a public school job. We pretty much need to show up with a University Degree. Now, you can talk until you're blue in the face about the fact that's simply a question of supply and demand, and that if Korea wanted better teachers, they could find them, but for now, most decision-makers are content to pay less for a less qualified teacher, than to pay the kind of money, and offer the kinds of prospects of advancement and development and the kind of lifestyle opportunities that would attract qualified, certified, career teachers to come and stay here. Until that happens, we WILL be viewed slightly askance, like interlopers, for the fact we got into teaching more easily than Koreans do, and the fact we kind of DID sneak in through the side door means that if we AREN'T on our best behavior, all those other judgements and stereotypes are on a hair-trigger, ready to dredge up every negative ever said about English teachers, if we step too egregiously out of line. That hair trigger is wound up with resentment and (let's be honest) envy: we're from the "good" countries, speak the "priviledged" language, and got into one of the most prestigious jobs in Korea, and like Harry Potter defeating Voldemort through who he IS, rather than any badass wizard talent of his own, it was mostly through the sheer good luck being born in the right place, that we're now teaching in Korea, occupying what is seen as a super-priveledged position. If we shit on that position by disrespecting Korea and brazenly flashing around our bad behavior, rather than keeping it on the down-low, is it any surprise we are met with such a harsh backlash?

Is this my own observation? Yeah. Is it anecdotal? Sure. I'll admit that, which, in the face of all these generalized assertions, might be all that differentiates me from Jon Huer (by the way, can I request that Huer become a K-blog catchphrase - either Huer (noun) for a blowhard who has no idea what he's talking about - "That guy's a total Huer. Been here two months and he'll argue with anyone." or Huer (verb) to approach a topic so mired in one's own preconceptions and stereotypes as to shoot one's argument in the foot before one has even begun - "Wow, you totally Huer'd that question...have you even read Virginia Woolf?")

However, ultimately, if we don't deal with douchebag behavior internally, among ourselves, as an English Teaching community, we will deal with it in newspaper articles, stereotyped news reports, and hit pieces by Choi Hui-seon and other equally racist hacks, so let's be a little more mindful of how we are seen by Korea, yah? Thanks.

Next: Let's not all crap our pants now, Part 2: Why Yes, Korea DOES have a Batshit Media! Why do you ask?

Open Letter To New Teachers In Korea

This is a companion piece to part 1 of our series, "let's not crap ourselves", on Ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists.

Open Letter to People Coming to Korea (especially ethnic non-Asian males) to Teach

Get ready to be insulted. It's tough truths I'm dealing out here today, and if we don't deal with them in-house, they get dealt with in Korea's national assembly, or on the front page of Korean newspapers and news websites, so here goes. The language might be harsh sorry 'bout that.

Hey there everybody. Welcome to Korea: it's a pretty cool place, all in all. You can read here, at this blog, and also in other places, how to have a great time, cultural pitfalls to avoid, and some of the ins and outs that make one's first year in a totally different culture sometimes feel like driving blindfolded. Don't get me wrong: that first year is also great, especially if you take the open mind and the initiative necessary to carpe your diem.

But I'd like to talk about a delicate topic today: one of the seamy undersides of the experience here. It's unfortunate, but you'll experience it.

Bare bones fact: you're in a totally different culture here (duh). I'll tell you a couple of things about this culture, though. First of all, you should know that in Korea's ancient, traditional culture, being a teacher is considered one of the most esteemed professions: that's what you're heading into. That's cool, right? It means you (presumably) get more respect than other professions; you'll also get a bit more respect than you get from students and parents back in North America, generally speaking.

However, the same culture which honors teachers also tends to evaluate a person's entire character as a part of one's qualification for teaching: that is, even after you punch out and go home, you are STILL a teacher. In the street, in your neighborhood, and even on the weekend, you are still a teacher to Koreans. This goes for other professions as well: hence the hyper-competitive drive in Korea to get into one of the prestige jobs, like doctors and lawyers, civil servants and, yeah, teachers. Being a teacher isn't just a paycheck here: reaching that position is also a call to moral leadership in Korean society, and a position of moral esteem. Seriously.

Next thing: because, until only very recently, Korea considered itself an ethnically pure country, and it remains one of the more racially homogenous countries in the world, Koreans are still getting used to the idea of having people with different nationalities, cultures, and especially, different skin colors, involved in their day-to-day life. One feature of not quite knowing what to do with this (sometimes un-asked-for) diversity is a tendency to generalize the different populations. You'll probably regularly hear Koreans talk, not just of their own culture, but of other cultures, in incredibly broad terms: "Koreans are..." "Americans are..." sometimes they'll go even broader, and say "Westerners are..." "Southeast Asians are...". To be fair, this kind of stereotyping and generalization goes both ways: I just did it myself!

But here's why I'm talking about this: one of the generalizations some Koreans like to make is "Foreign English Teachers are..." and, for that reason, along with what I mentioned before about English teachers being judged for everything they do, and not just what they do in the class, we're under a microscope. And the sucky part is this: if I go to your neighborhood, or stand in front of news cameras, and act like a jackass, it reflects badly on you. And if you get smashed one weekend and act like a jackass, and take pictures with a bunch of hot, drunk Korean girls, and publish them on your blog or facebook or, really, anywhere on the internet where Koreans can find them and forward the link to their friends, it makes ME look like a jackass, too. It's not all Koreans, but there are a handful of Korean netizens, a handful of Korean journalists, and a handful of Korean rabble-rousers whose absolute FAVORITE thing to do is to find jackassy pictures some foreigner has posted online, and to show them all around and claim that ALL foreign English teachers always act exactly like that, all the time, and extrapolate a picture that might be from the kind of night you only have once every year, into not just YOUR entire character, but the entire character of your whole demographic!

It's happened before.

So here's the thing:

You might not be living here for a long time, but there are some of us who are, and even if you're only here for a short time, reports that English teachers are all moral reprobates will make it harder for you to earn the respect of your Korean coworkers, your students' parents, your boss, and people in your neighborhood. It's happened before, so here are a few things I'm gonna ask you to do, for the sake not just of your own self, but for the other foreigners your Korean contacts will meet in the future, for the other foreign English teachers in your neighborhood, and for the teachers who will come after you at your school, and at large.

1. Treat your job like a real job. You're getting paid for it. You signed a contract: keep it. If your boss is ripping you off, there are legal options you can pursue, and people ready to help you out, but almost all of them are also contingent on YOU filling YOUR side of the contract, in order that your boss is the only one in the wrong.

2. When Koreans ask you "What do you think about Korea?" say something nice. You're an ambassador for your country and your culture, whether you want to be or not. Sometimes, you'll even get Koreans asking you questions that seem baited to get you to start complaining: "What is the biggest cultural difference" or "what are some problems you see" . . . be diplomatic, dodge, or at the very least, be descriptive ("I notice that this is different.") instead of prescriptive ("Korea should ____ to fix their education system."). The safest answer to "What's the hardest/worst thing about living in Korea?" is "The language barrier."

3. I'm not going to tell you to live like a monk or something, but save the non-monk behavior for appropriate times and places. If you're going to go wild (and don't we all sometimes), take a page from Koreans' books, and don't broadcast it. Don't brag to your friends, don't post pictures online, don't make boasting blog posts. Be discreet: that's how Koreans do it. Believe me, I've seen and hear tell of Koreans doing all the wacky, wild things expats are accused of doing, stuff like that has even been in the news ...but Koreans generally cover their tracks, and so should you, and when all else fails, Koreans plead ignorance: "I was so drunk. I don't remember." But this plea only works if there's no photo evidence.

4. Be aware that your actions DO have consequences. You are no longer in university. Seriously; back home, everybody had their turn being "that guy" and it was funny. Here, being "that guy" leads to newspaper articles about how no foreign English teacher in Korea is any better than "that guy". That drunken silliness no longer gets brushed off with "oh, to be young again!" instead it becomes even worse than it was to begin with, because "and he/she's a teacher, too!" Korea is not frat/sorority house redux, even though your parents aren't here to be embarrassed at your conduct. The people who come here to have a year of no-consequences drunken fun before they settle down, and then leave... well, it might not be THEM dealing with the consequences of that year, but all the long-term teachers who were here before them and stayed after them, who gave them classroom management tips for free, DO have to stay here and clean up the skid marks from them making an ass of themselves for a year. It's no fun cleaning up drunk puke-stains on my reputation, when I wasn't even the one having enough fun to throw up on somebody's shoes. Seriously, have your fun, but don't be a brazen jerk about it: that's not how things work here. The only people who get to be brazen jerks here are drunk old guys.

5. Don't talk to Korean journalists, especially about Korea's night life, or about English teachers. I've known enough people who were misquoted, pull-quoted, or cast in a bad light by Korean journalists, that I'm not going near that minefield, and you shouldn't either.

6. Treat other expats with respect, too. This includes showing respect and gratitude toward expats who have been here longer than you, and have heard the questions you are asking, time and again, and still take the time to patiently answer them. Also, be helpful toward expats who have been here a shorter time: there was a time when you didn't know anything either. It sucked, didn't it? Then somebody gave you a hand, right? Pay it forward: that's how we roll in expatland.

7. If you're male, don't be like these jackasses, and disrespect the women from your home country. In fact, it's a pretty good idea to avoid directly comparing Korean women and Western women entirely: so many stereotypes get tossed around that everybody winds up looking bad in that conversation. There's nothing more distasteful than an expat male who hooks up with a pretty Korean girl, gets a case of yellow fever while he's high on the good side of inter-cultural dating (before the "why didn't you answer my last text message?" text messages start coming), and takes the chance to start disparaging Western women, or starts acting like God's Gift To Women because he's getting attention from pretty girls who were startled to see Someone Who Looks Different in the subway car. Don't be that guy. Or this guy.

And whatever your gender, don't react to bad expat behavior like that by spreading the rumor that we're all losers who couldn't get jobs or dates in our home countries, and that's the only reason any westerner stays in Korea for a long time, or comes at all: there are three fingers pointing back when people start pointing that finger, and that conversation, too, ends with everybody looking bad. Especially when Koreans who are busy forming their opinions about foreigners are listening in on that kind of talk. Save the shit-talking for appropriate times and places, eh?

8. Date Koreans if you want. Go right ahead. Have a great time. But you know, just because they don't speak your language so well, doesn't mean they're stupid, and they know when they're being treated with disrespect. Be safe, be responsible, protect yourself, and the reputation of all of us, and respect them. A lot of English teachers who get deported were caught in their illicit activities -- whatever they were -- by being ratted on by scorned exes. And from the stories I've heard, hell hath no fury, pal. If you're looking for fun without strings attached, there are K-girls and guys looking for that, too, rest assured. But don't lie to get what you want, or make promises you don't mean. I know a guy who did that, and the girl published the story in a magazine, including his actual e-mail address, as a cautionary tale. Suddenly he was getting dozens of nasty e-mails from Korean women who read the article. And even if it isn't published in a magazine, I don't need your ex's friends corroborating their other friends' stereotypes by saying, "Yeah. My friend was tossed aside by some Yankee charisma man, too!"

9. If you have to complain about Korea (and don't we all sometimes), save it for your expat friends, unless you A. know a shit-ton about Korean culture B. are an absolute king/queen of objectivity, grace, and tact. Moaning about culture shock is better done with people who KNOW what culture shock is, so honestly, that conversation is best saved for your expat co-workers, or friends. The only Koreans who should be privy to the complaining stuff are the ones who know you well enough to take such comments in the context of everything else they know about you, and hold it in the balance.

10. Whatever their age, always, always, always, act with the utmost professionalism toward your students and, if applicable, your students' parents. If you teach kids, and especially if you're male, don't take them on your lap, even if they initiate contact, or tickle them, or stuff like that, even if it's totally innocent. Even if your boss tells you to be more affectionate to the kids, limit touching to hands, shoulders, heads. If you teach adults, don't get involved with students: at least wait until they're no longer in your class, and think carefully before getting involved with a coworker. Don't be stupid. If things go south between you and a student, or a coworker, after getting involved, you can pretty much count on it being YOU who'll be the one catching the short end of that stick, so, as my friend told me, "don't shit where you eat."

Basically, because of where we live, and because we look a bit similar, whether it's fair or not, anything you say and do can and will be used against ME, or any of us, in the court of public opinion. And vice versa. Sure, it's a bit of a burden...but now you know what it's like to be a hispanic living in Georgia, or a First Nations Canadian living in rural, Western Canada, or a Tamil living in Toronto. Welcome to the other side.

And I know that not all of you need to read this letter. Maybe even MOST of you don't: I'm sure that you are probably really good, decent people. Great! While we're in Korea especially, we need to help each other out. I know stuff that can be useful to you, and I'll pass it on to you for free, out of professional, or simply situational (ex-pat) courtesy. Out of that same courtesy, keep in mind those ten tips, in order to help ALL of us win the public opinion battle.

Yeah, I know I come off sounding like a pompous turd in this post, but seriously, we've GOT to deal with this stuff in-house.

KThanks.

And after telling you all how to behave (thanks, Mom), in return, here's what I've got: I'm an experienced teacher, and a six-year expat, and I know a bunch of stuff, and a lot of people who know more than me, about different things that come up when you live in Korea. So that this post isn't a totally one-sided bit of pompousity, here's what you get in return: all over this blog, and more so if you ask (e-mail address on the sidebar), feel free to hit me up for tips or advice about some of the pitfalls. Read around the blog to find what you need to know, or to get some hints on great places to go and things to do. Explore the blogs I link on the right, in order to find some really helpful info about life in Korea. That's how the exchange works. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you find some useful stuff.

Also, in the comments, Chris makes the very good point that the best thing you can do to enjoy life here more, is to find a community, a group where you feel like you belong. Whether that's expats, or mixed, or Korean, don't fall into the isolation trap (I was there in my first year, and part of my second, and it sucks). Get involved in something, and it'll deeply enrich your time here, in a way that'll have you walking away with much more than memories of drunken nights will. Thanks for listening.

This post is part of a series about racism, the Korean media, and ugly English teachers:
On Ugly English Teachers and Racist English Teachers: Let's not all Crap our Pants Now: Intro
Part 1: But You're TEACHERS!
An Open Letter to new English Teachers in Korea
Part 2: Why, Yes, Korea DOES have a Batshit Media! Why do you ask?
Part 3: Yeah, Some Self-Reflection Is Called For, but not From You, Ms. Choi
Part 4: Racism, Culture-shock, Acclimation and Integration in Minjokland
Part 5: The PR Campaign: 'Seyo's Marching Orders

Say goodbye to your next hour...

boy this is cool.

http://lab.andre-michelle.com/tonematrix

With Bated Breath You Wait...

My K-blog friends and readers are waiting for me to continue my "let's not all crap our pants now" series on ugly English teachers and racist journalists, and my fambly and personal friends are all anxiously waiting for me to write up my trip to Canada... but first, here are two videos I took yesterday.

Gawrsh, I love thunderstorms. I really wanted to catch some lightning on video, but that didn't work out; however, some thunder showed up, as did some poor, bedraggled souls who didn't even find TWO umbrellas enough coverage.

There was a thunderclap while I walked from the first to the second place in the thunderstorm video, and it was so loud I was, for half a second, a scared rabbit looking for a place to cover: it was so loud I reverted right back to sheer instinct, and ducked at the loud noise. Amazing. Didn't catch it on video, though; probably wouldn't have sounded the same anyway.


And, yesterday, they opened Gwanghwamun plaza for the first time, and I went down there and took some pictures and video of people playing in the fountains at night. Plus, Admiral Lee Sunshin looks even more badass than he did before, if you can even believe that.



And one from a while ago:
why, oh why, do they take Korea's cherished, ancient instruments, and use them to adapt classic rock songs like "Stairway to Heaven" -- this one actually isn't that bad (the solo's especially good), but there's a certain traditional ddeok restaurant in Insadong that plays all classic western rock on traditional instruments, and it's awful. Why the lack of pride in the music composed specifically FOR those instruments? Why the choice of classic western rock? It smacks to me of a bit of an inferiority complex, choosing only to do western music on Korean instruments. But that's just my two bits, and I don't really care to go into it.

On Ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists - Intro

On Ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists:
Let's not all crap our pants now. The intro.


My summer vacation was great, thanks very much, but it means that I didn't get the chance to write anything timely about Choi Hui-seon's string of racist smears on foreign English teachers; however, this is something that's been the subject of a bunch of blogs for a while now, particularly since Ben Wagner's report to the NHRCK drew renewed attention on the way English teachers have been scapegoated and stereotyped by Korea's media for years now, leading to a group of proposed laws that have no basis other than stereotypes and fear-mongering, as well as a number of somewhat connected comment-thread bloodbaths. That was a long sentence.

It's the kind of topic that gets everybody's hackles up, for sure, so I've subtitled the series "Let's not all crap our pants now" just to remind us all to step, not dive, into this thing with cool heads, because the last thing we need is another hate-thread where it devolves into expat vs. Korean, old-timer vs. new-timer, or whatever.

And because my sister asked me not to use bad words in blog post titles, now that my nephew and niece are old to read my post titles over her shoulder. I've wanted to write about this topic for a while now, but as I started brainstorming, it snowballed, and I realized just how much there is to say about it, so this is going to be a series instead of a single post. I'll publish them as I have time to write them up properly, and I'm sure I'll intersperse with my usual unfocused goofiness (aren't y'all glad I never committed to a single focus for this blog?). You know Blogoseyo well enough by now to know that I can't talk about God, culture, the science of catching bananas at optimum ripeness, or anything serious for too long before tossing in something about zombies (which ARE serious, too, if it turns out they're real), cats falling down stairs, or which Korean-made vehicle would transform into the scariest Decepticon.

So over the next little while (and isn't blogging great, because I don't have deadlines or word counts) I'll be approaching this topic from a few different angles, in an attempt to blow my whole stack, and say everything I have to say about ugly English Teachers and Racist Korean Journalists at once. So stay tuned to see what I've got! Some of it will be repeating or repackaging what you've heard before; hopefully at least a few of my points will be new, and hopefully most of it will make sense.

As I go, I'll put links to the different parts here.
On Ugly English Teachers and Racist English Teachers: Let's not all Crap our Pants Now: Intro
Part 1: But You're TEACHERS!
An Open Letter to new English Teachers in Korea
Part 2: Why, Yes, Korea DOES have a Batshit Media! Why do you ask?
Part 3: Yeah, Some Self-Reflection Is Called For, but not From You, Ms. Choi
Part 4: Racism, Culture-shock, Acclimation and Integration in Minjokland
Part 5: The PR Campaign: 'Seyo's Marching Orders

Two Great Blog Posts from Non-K-Bloggers

My dear friend Tamie writes one of the most thoughtful blogs I've every come across. Today, a guy named Jonathan contributed a guest-post about what it is like to work in a prison, even just for two hours a day, coaching inmates in a writing workshop.

You should read it. It will make you think about freedom and hope and awareness and, uh, good stuff.

Also: my sister wrote a sweet and touching reflection on the hard parts and the wonderful parts of being mom to a toddler during a heatwave. Go read it.

One of the strongest impressions I came home with after my vacation to Canada was how sweetly parenthood changed my siblings. Hearing my brother talk about wanting a better life for his son was... a side of my brother I'd never seen before, in a really neat way.

I've been telling my friends about this. Thought I'd share it with you.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, for an accent elimination spray.
Warning: bad words

Hey Remember Before You Got Jaded About Korea?

It's good to be reminded.

from Dave's, HT to Brian


These folks have put together a flippin' awesome trio of videos that pretty much upstages everything the Korean Tourism Organization has done in the last year.

Watch them. They catch the variety and fun of life here.

(this one includes a bit of footage from Tokyo though)


Dang! It makes me want to travel!

Attention GI Korea: (plus other stuff)

I'm still going through the mad stash of photos I took while in Canada, and I missed Tim Hortons' Boston Creme donuts for the first time today. And I'm renewing my visa today. And while I wait in line I'll do some writing.

But here's something ... has anybody else had trouble accessing ROK Drop? Being shut out of one of my top three favorite K-blogs is a bummer. Hope it gets fixed soon...it's happened before.

Until then, I'll entertain myself with David Bowie's tight pants and Jim Henson's genius. Pretty good combo if you ask me.



and OK: here're three pictures I took before I left for Canada. Rain on glass in a coffee shop window.

And, how's this for creepy: at the Prada store in Shinsegye department store, Namdaemun... see those two mannequins to the left? They are, for the record, the first anorexic mannequins I've seen.

seriously, though: look at those protruding ribs and collar-bones. Scary, is all. Just gross.
Either those mannequins' torsos were made out of some old, discarded xylophones, or Prada's got some serious self-reflection to do on their contribution to the hyper-thin anorexic body ideal that's still going around these days. I'd be happy if stuff like this never happens again.

Prince and Back in Korea

So...

my buddy told me about a great website called Transfer Big Files, which will allow you to send files to your friends that are bigger than the usual gmail limitations. It's useful when you need to send somebody your "Park TaeHwan Gold Medal Swim Translation" video (still one of my proudest blog moments this year) or somesuch like that.

and...
the day before I flew back from Canada, I heard on the news that a Torontonian (someone from Toronto) caught a version of the H1N1 virus that was resistant to drugs, just before I got on a plane headed to Narita airport, the site where the other English teachers contracted the Swine Flu virus earlier this year. Fortunately, the entire flight wasn't herded immediately into quarantine facilities, and I got home OK. If I caught something, though, I probably gave it to girlfriendoseyo when she met me at the airport. Sure was happy to see her, though.

and...
It's funny, because Spin Magazine had a special feature on the 25th anniversary of Prince's "Purple Rain" movie/album that came out in 1984, the week after Michael Jackson died. It was a pretty good feature on the album that finally converted me from a hater of '80s music, to one willing to at least give it a listen. (Still hate synth keyboards, though. Sorry, Duran Duran and '80s Leonard Cohen and Frankie Goes to Hollywood). Along with the write-up, Spin Magazine had a tribute album put together of current indie-ish artists doing covers of all the songs on the original Purple Rain album, and I'm happy to tell you that each of the covers is interesting, and maybe even very good. In my opinion, that's the final test of a good songwriter: can another artist cover it, in their own style, and have it still be a good song? Each of the songs holds up.

You can download it here if you're a fan of Purple Rain (and if you get the same question as I did, the answer is Keyboardist).

Anyway, it's just funny that once again, Prince got totally overshadowed by Michael Jackson, and nobody really noticed that the 25th anniversary of one of the great albums of modern times got shuffled aside.

Do you want to hear more about what I think about Michael Jackson? You have to ask. (in the comments will do).

Got my schedule for the new semester. Have to extend my visa.

BTW: The best way to become OK with being back in Korea after almost a month in gorgeous Canada is: 1. to eat breakfast at the best samgyetang restaurant in Korea on the first morning, and 2. to follow that up by walking around a very, very populated area, and look around at the people. People watching in Korea is the best. I saw a girl with the exact same bung-eye as Lee Myung-bak has... she was really pretty, but one eye just didn't quite open as much as the other. That made me smile inside. Then I drank a tasty beverage.

Tasty beverages are good.

later.

Back in Korea!

Hey there all. You missed your chance to loot my apartment: I'm back in Korea, after a pretty epic trip. The plane from Toronto to Tokyo hit a snag: the incoming flight was late, so they turned over the cabin a little too quickly, and forgot to drain the sewage tanks. By about halfway through the flight, half the toilets in the cabin weren't flushing, and by the end of the flight, only two or three were, and poop-smell started filling the cabin.

Meanwhile, I managed to stock up on all the items I really needed, including three nice pairs of pants that fit my butt properly, as pants made for Canadian butts do.

Plus, in keeping with my zombie theme all through June, I found a great new title at Wendel's bookstore in Fort Langley: Pride and Prejudice...And Zombies!
It's hilarious, because the comedy of manners remains just as mannered as ever, but the art of being a refined and accomplished person of taste now suddenly encompasses the proper, ladylike manner of holding a killing sword, and the art of musketry carries as much weight as being well-versed in the modern languages.

I'll be cluttering up these pages with a few reflections of some of the interesting posts I've been unable, or uninclined to comment on during my vacation, and also a lot of pictures, so stay tuned. I'm back.

And, coming soon: my Bollywood kick!

Rob

While I'm In Canada...

1. holy crap, tapwater tastes good.
2. my nieces and nephews are super cute
3. it's way different going around town with your siblings AND an infant, than going around town just with a sibling and their spouse. ("Can we do a drive-through instead of a sit-down meal? Silas is sleeping, and... you know")
4. Red Deer Alberta has the fastest, busiest drive-throughs I've ever seen in my life.
5. A month vacation in Canada is just enough time for Tim Horton's to lose its novelty.
[overshare warning:] 6. In Korea, I'm an XL waist when I buy underwear. In Canada, I'm an M. Yay, overweight North Americans making me feel normal again!
6. Though Korea's population is double Canada's, its make-up consumption is probably ten times.
7. Western Canada's mountains are just effing gorgeous. So lovely.
8. But the bugs on your windshield after doing the Crow's Nest Pass are hella tough to clean off.
9. Vancouver has a Hindi radio station... and it's awesome. Indian music is great for driving, and I love how Hindi is the same language, yet it sounds so totally different depending on whether it's a male or a female speaking it.
10. I love cooking spaghetti for my family.
11. I'm going way over my mileage limit on my rental car. Tough cookies.

That's it for now. Having a good vacation. Hope you're all well, too.

Ask me about Tilley Endurables...

Online Game as Competitive Sport

This post goes back a while, but I wanted to share it with you, before it's gone completely.

Back last August, I was bopping around Yongsan Station, and I decided to venture right up to the tippy top floor of the Yongsan Shopping center. I saw greeters at a table and attendants standing at the door of an auditorium. There didn't seem to be an admission fee, so I poked my head inside, and saw this.

It was an online gaming tournament.

Now, this is something that Korea doesn't often push when it starts getting into Korea promotions: the old Hanjeongshik stuff, Hanbok and Pansoori, that stuff gets a lot of press, and old ladies in ornamental robes singing folk-songs: that always finds a spot in the video, or on the brochure. Sure.

Then I came in here, and took a look around.

See, online gaming is not just a time-killer in Korea. It's an outright phenomenon.

tournaments attract big crowds, and the top players (like this guy) are legitimate stars.
The tournaments attract corporate sponsors, as do players, crowds turn out to watch the finals, and there are always a few channels on cable that are playing competitive Starcraft games.

those stands on the sides had huge posters of the different online games featured in the competition.
some other luminaries/star players:

I stuck around, and met a girl whose online handle was Peanut. She was Korean-American, from the East Coast, I believe, and totally excited about trying to popularize competitive Starcraft in America: she and some buds had this website called sc2gg where they took korean broadcasts of tournament games, and added English language commentary, and posted it on YouTube. Peanut was pretty nice, and we had an interesting chat about online gaming, and its potential for growth: seems she was bumping into a lot of naysayers in Korean promotion circles, but on the other hand, she was talking to some pretty high-up mucky-mucks about what could be done.

Here's peanut next to a display of game action figures.

The video cameras got some crowd shots... hey look! There were some foreigners there!

This is the golden Mouse hand of the superstar pictured above. He was the first guy to game in cool outfits and try to act like a star (plus he had the chops to win stuff) rather than just playing in sweatpants with greasy hair under a baseball cap: he really helped make online gaming into more than just a nerd-hobby.

We watched these guys compete in Guitar Hero:
but unfortunately I had to meet someone before the starcraft semifinal came on.

It was a neat experience, and one that people neglect in trying to get a handle on what Korea's young people do...but seriously, this online gaming stuff is a huge thing in Korea's modern culture, for whatever reason, and to really get a grasp of what Koreans do for fun, and how young people pass time, and how much gaming means to this subculture, I'd add "attend an online gaming tournament and/or a B-boy Competition" to the list of "things to see/do in Korea" before we all get tired of Hanbok.

Thank you for reading my essay.

The Unmentioned Social Problem

Yeah, there are a lot of different issues Korea's working on these days.

Many of you expats may have noticed the Chosun Ilbo just hired a member of Anti-English spectrum as an intern...

but here's one issue that doesn't get much airtime, but if you start noticing it, it's an absofreakinglute outrage.



Nobody's really talking about this one. And Girlfriendoseyo's mom comes from a different city in Korea, and reports that overpackaging is not NEARLY as egregious there as it is here... but overpackaging here can be pretty extreme sometimes.

That's all for today.

Be happy, my readers.

Random Canada Trip Notes:

Judging from how carefully I read OTHER K-bloggers' accounts of their travels off-topic (that is, outside of Korea), I'll spare you the pages of journalling about the old friend I haven't met since high school and all that stuff, and I'll leave you with a few combinations that have struck me lately:

1. pecan pie + coffee (americano was the kind I used) = one of the best flavor combinations I've stumbled across so far. It helped that it was at the Shilla Hotel in Seoul, so it was real crackin' good pie, and real crackin' good americano...but why didn't anybody tell me that pecan pie and coffee is as awesome a combination as soy chai latte and coffee cake, black tea and clover honey, chocolate and mint, or coke and dalk galbi? WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME? So anyway, now I'm telling you.

2. Night driving: nice
driving in rain: fun
driving on mountain roads in, say, the Rocky Mountains: awesome
driving in areas with road signs saying "watch for wildlife" = cool: maybe I'll see an elk!
driving in rain at night = NOT fun
driving from Banff to Red Deer Alberta at night in the rain when there's a risk of a deer crossing your car's path (deer will mess up your car... and I saw two on the roadside near Cochran) = NOT FUN AT ALL

3. toast + peanut butter + sliced bananas = a whole bucket of awesome. Seriously, I never got on board that whole PB&J thing -- peanut butter's good, jam's good, but I never quite dug the two together. However, peanut butter and sliced bananas is SO FLIPPIN' GOOD! (also try: toasted white bread, sliced tomatoes, lots of mayonnaise, and a bit of salt and pepper. You'll keep making more until you run out of either tomatoes or bread)

4. My brother and brother-in-law + fatherhood and my sister and sister-in-law + motherhood = sweet.

5. Girlfriendoseyo + my family = AWESOME! They really liked her. That's good. Girlfriendoseyo + bestfriendMelfromCanada = ALSO AWESOME. You have no idea how happy it makes me when people who are important to me get along. Girlfriendoseyo + My Surrogate Family S. in Agassiz = Girlfriendoseyo gets mauled with hugs! Also super special, and super important.

Yep. I don't talk about my deep, personally-personal stuff on the blog TOOO much anymore (with a few exceptions), but I WILL tell you that I was lucky enough to have Girlfriendoseyo join me in Canada for part of my vacation, and we had hella fun, and she loved it, and "gets" some things about me that can only come of meeting my family and seeing my country. It was great.

I was eating dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory in Banff yesterday when suddenly a lady at the next table just right passed out and fell off her chair. I saw her face as she went down and she was right out of it. That was strange. It's funny how a human being in rough shape suddenly pulls all the people around into his/her matrix of need, and nobody can look away. We are intensely social creatures who instinctively look out for each other. I do think we are, despite the evidence to the contrary that comes up here and there. It's good when we recognize this.

Catch the Corean Commie!

The Korean NIS (National Intelligence Service) has published an online game to help you spot North Korean spies.

It includes things like people covering their mouths with their hands when they talk (holy crap! every Korean woman with a cellphone is a North Korean spy!)

People who bring weapons to protests, people who leave PC rooms quickly after posting "impure" articles, and people who wear "I love Kim Il-sung" pins are among suspects for North Korean Spy-iness.

What about people who raise funds to buy weapons to assault the police?

Go play!

And don't forget, if you see a person wearing a Kim Il Sung t-shirt, talking with his hand over his mouth as he grabs his stick and furtively leaves the PC Room after posting messages to corrupt Korea's youth, and heads for a protest to hand out tracts and incite violence while photographing sensitive government compounds, the number to call is 111: Korea's spy hotline.

Ooch! Forget Zombie movies...

I've just fallen in love with bollywood.

Going to Canada Tomorrow. Expect Light Posting

I still have lots to say... but I'll be saying it to my friends and family while I'm on vacation in Canada. Expect light posting on non-controversial topics, because I don't like moderating comment threads while I'm on freaking vacation. Unlike Christmas break, I've been just plain too durn busy putting out fires, slogging things out, negotiating crazy crap, and handling a few personal-life earthquakes, to set up a bunch of "future posts" that will come up in my absence. There's a restrospective on what's been a totally insane semester somewhere inside me, but right now, I'm quite nearly a wreck from weathering storms on numerous fronts... so you'll have to wait until I'm good and ready to talk about it.

Until then... an entire year of riding the subways, sitting beside weirdos or soju-and-squid-reeking drunks, and dealing with other people's bulgogi farts, is made up for by a suit like this.

ajosshi's a pimp!

Took this picture on a recent rainy day. Like.
enjoy the hot weather.

Thunder and Lightning

When I was a little kid, I lived in Southern Ontario, where summer evening thundershowers are a common occurrence. After bedtime, which was when they happened, the thunder used to wake me up, and I'd stand on the bed headboard, poke my head under the curtains, and look out at the skyline and empty land behind our house (before it all got developed into suburbs) and watch the lightning flash on the farmland on the other side of the lake.

To this day I love thunder and lightning storms, almost as much as they frighten one clan of my cousins, who inherited a pretty sharp fear of thunder from their mom.


we been having thunder and lightning storms in the early morning around Seoul this week, and I've been tempted to get out of bed and point my camera out the window, in hopes of getting something like this. Yeh. Supercool.

Heppy Kamaba Day my Kamabian Friends

Yep, it's july 1st, and you know what that means.

Hope you get to see this


but not this