Instead of leaving that big steaming pile of unhappy that is "Passion Five Sucks Donkey Dong" on the top of my page, I'm going to put this:
OK, readers. It was a joke. I'm not really the new Korean, and I'm not really quitting Roboseyo. Serious.
But It was one of the better April Fools' pranks I've played, not least because it's more fun to collaborate on a prank than to do it alone: this was all The Korean's idea, though I did the write-up.
So, here are the favorite April Fools' Pranks I've personally done, in approximate order:
1. Coming out and admitting to my family that I've converted to Buddhism. Led to a very serious, very concerned phone call from Poposeyo. Also satisfying because 18 months later, I got another comment from someone ELSE who was also convinced.
2. I'm actually The Korean
3. Coming into my classes on April 1st at the school where I used to work, looking dejected, and telling my students "Sorry, but I took home the tests you wrote for your classes yesterday, and then I lost them... I'm sorry but you have to write them again." (the looks on their faces; the dismay in their voices. So evil! So gratifying!)
4. Writing up D-war as the best Korean movie ever.
And here's the other list I've been thinking about this week. Tell me if you agree or disagree, and tell me what I missed. To avoid wrecking the surprise, I won't name who it is, just in case somebody hasn't seen the movie. It's so much more delightful if it's a surprise.
Greatest Stars Playing Themselves in a Movie Cameo:
1. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie - and before you take issue with this one as number one, go watch the movie. There was no reason to choose THAT star to play this role, but it added a whole other level to the movie, and all the students (and teachers) in my Kindergarten class looked over and went "What's so funny, Rob Teacher?" SO unexpected.
2. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
3. Zombieland
4. Annie Hall (the argument in the ticket lineup)
5. Happy Gilmore (the celebrity golf tournament. Howl!)
6. The Hangover
And what am I missing, Readers? I feel like Tom Jones, or William Shatner have done something that deserves to be ranked.
one expat's life in Korea
Friday, April 02, 2010
Passion 5: Nice Design = Crappy Service, and Why Gangnam Restaurants Suck
[Update: I've revisited this topic]
It's ridiculous that it is this way, but what can you do (except complain, warn your friends, and go elsewhere).
OK. Now I'm not that picky, really, about restaurants. Like Zenkimchi Joe, I'm more an enthusiast than a critic, but there are some things I won't abide, and every once in a while - not often - I have an experience that actually upsets me.
Dear readers, I'd like to share a particularly unpleasant experience I had. See, down by Hangangjin Station, between Hangangjin and Itaewon, there's this really, really cool building. It's big and black and beautiful, and in the middle, there's this amazing shining, shimmering, spinning chandelier. I've noticed it and thought about going in there for a long time, readers, out of curiosity at what's going on in such a cool looking building. It's feng shui was fenging me shui down the block!
The Chandelier.
Other bloggers have written about it: the bakery gets good reviews. Even from me. Dan Gray, who likes fusion foods and fancy design with good presentation, has posted on it a number of times.
And famous people like to go there. I saw Jeon Jihyun there once. And a friend spotted a famous politician.
[Update: as of June 9 2010, this post is STILL the top google hit for "Passion 5." Still waiting for the apology. I'm a reasonable man. I'll happily retract this story for a bribe.]
It's ridiculous that it is this way, but what can you do (except complain, warn your friends, and go elsewhere).
OK. Now I'm not that picky, really, about restaurants. Like Zenkimchi Joe, I'm more an enthusiast than a critic, but there are some things I won't abide, and every once in a while - not often - I have an experience that actually upsets me.
Dear readers, I'd like to share a particularly unpleasant experience I had. See, down by Hangangjin Station, between Hangangjin and Itaewon, there's this really, really cool building. It's big and black and beautiful, and in the middle, there's this amazing shining, shimmering, spinning chandelier. I've noticed it and thought about going in there for a long time, readers, out of curiosity at what's going on in such a cool looking building. It's feng shui was fenging me shui down the block!
The Chandelier.
Other bloggers have written about it: the bakery gets good reviews. Even from me. Dan Gray, who likes fusion foods and fancy design with good presentation, has posted on it a number of times.
And famous people like to go there. I saw Jeon Jihyun there once. And a friend spotted a famous politician.
nice looking place.
And that somebody didn't come. And didn't come, and didn't come. I was ready shatter one of the water glasses on the ground just so somebody would come to our table...
Approaching desperation, finally we flagged someone down, possibly with the help of a referee's whistle... and asked them to come and take our orders.
We ordered. I told them, in Korean, that I have a milk allergy, and that I'm allergic to milk, sour cream, cream, and cheese. I pointed at a menu item and asked if it had cheese on it. The guy said it would be OK. I ordered it.
Twenty minutes later, three of our group got their food. The person who brought the food was very well-dressed and groomed, and nice to look at.
And this is what it boils down to: If you're new in Korea, remember this:
The nicer a place looks in Korea, the better the design, the more likely you're going to get shit service, and pay through the nose for it, and end up feeling like you've been mugged. Don't go there until two people whose taste in food you trust ENTHUSIASTICALLY recommend it to you. (This is also my rule for all italian restaurants in Korea: there are so many that it just means there's a lot of mediocre italian out there.)
And if you're a Korean Food Promotion Ministry guy, listen up, because this is for you: THE FANCIEST RESTAURANTS: THE ONES THAT KOREAN TOURISM ALWAYS WANTS TO PROMOTE, ARE ALMOST INVARIABLY MY WORST EATING EXPERIENCES IN KOREA.
But cards on the table: The best Korean food, for one thing, is the cheap, hearty, farmer food. The bibimbaps and the jigaes and the seolongtangs, that are messy, spicy, flavorful, and cheap. The best Korean restaurants are the little ajummah places out in a back alley, where you have to know how to find it, or you never will, and at lunch on a tuesday there's a lineup out the door. I've had slow service, but always a reasonable price and great food, in the dinky hanoks where I've eaten. (The fancy restored ones... jury's out, because I can't afford the 70 000 won per person those kinds of Hanjeongshik places serve... but I bet the jigae jip is better)
For another thing, it seems, again and again and again, that the nicest, fanciest looking restaurants really feel like they can, or ought to be able to, get by on the sheer amazingness of the design of the place, and not have to back it up with a quality menu, or any kind of service at all. I'm convinced that they're not selling themselves as places that serve food, but places to be seen. Try to convince me otherwise. Tell me the waffles at that dumb cafe in Samchungdong really are better than the cheaper ones elsewhere, and that they're worth 15000 won or whatever.
I'm not saying the service at the little mom and pop places is the best all the time... but first of all, they're not charging 20 000 won a plate now, are they? That changes my expectations a bit.
In the fancy places, it sometimes seems like the wait staff was trained to wait for a chogiyo, but everybody feels like they can't shout, because this is a "nice" place, and in the absence of a chogiyo, they think nobody needs any service. People trained in Korean "Chogiyo!" service at a "western" style restaurant where the waiters are (in the western style) supposed to come by and check on you, is about the worst combination I can think of - about as ill-suited as a foot fetishist inviting a leg amputee to salsa lessons on a blind date.
So, to the fancy restaurants in Korea: Listen up and listen good.
I don't give a cracking booger if the owner of your restaurant was on TV.
I don't care if your chef apprenticed at a four-star restaurant in Paris.
I don't care if you spent a bazillion dollars on your layout and design, and if my chair is made of gold leaf, and my plate is a 3000 year old restored artifact from ancient China. YOU'RE A RESTAURANT! Give me good FOOD!
Train your staff in the style of the restaurant you are: if you're western style, train them to come by from time to time and check up on people.
I managed to eat there for a brunch once with my nemesis Dan Gray once, and met a girl named Amy. She was nice, too. Smart. And the food was alright. Portions on the small side. A bit pretentious: you're not allowed to take pictures inside the building. Your food's too good for pictures? Really? Is it vampires?
Look at that: a place that looks that nice MUST have good food and great service, mustn't it?
Well, that's what I'm here to tell you. A couple of weekends ago, it was time to go again, this time for a mini-meeting of some bloggy people, talking about some stuff that might be coming up on the horizon. (oh ain't I such a tease!) I arrived a bit late, joined with the meeting proceedings, and grabbed a menu: I hadn't eaten that morning, in order to especially enjoy my food.
Well, I got the menu, chose what I wanted, and waited.
and waited.
And waited.
We were a table of about 15, and they made us wait. And we were in painfully plain view of the entrance, where the greeter (oh wait: this one had fancy decor, so it must have been a maitre'd) seated people and took your money, and they could see us look around anxiously, and then hungrily, and then angrily, and they made us wait.
and then they came and took orders for drinks... and left.
And we waited more.
Well, I got the menu, chose what I wanted, and waited.
and waited.
And waited.
We were a table of about 15, and they made us wait. And we were in painfully plain view of the entrance, where the greeter (oh wait: this one had fancy decor, so it must have been a maitre'd) seated people and took your money, and they could see us look around anxiously, and then hungrily, and then angrily, and they made us wait.
and then they came and took orders for drinks... and left.
And we waited more.
But the design of our little cubby hole booth was very nice. We had lots of time to admire it.
And then they brought us our drinks, but didn't stick around to take orders; maybe that was somebody else's job.
And that somebody didn't come. And didn't come, and didn't come. I was ready shatter one of the water glasses on the ground just so somebody would come to our table...
Approaching desperation, finally we flagged someone down, possibly with the help of a referee's whistle... and asked them to come and take our orders.
We ordered. I told them, in Korean, that I have a milk allergy, and that I'm allergic to milk, sour cream, cream, and cheese. I pointed at a menu item and asked if it had cheese on it. The guy said it would be OK. I ordered it.
Twenty minutes later, three of our group got their food. The person who brought the food was very well-dressed and groomed, and nice to look at.
The dishes were beautiful. My food didn't come. But the dishes were beautiful.
Twenty more minutes later, we asked them where the rest of our food was.
Ten minutes later, my food came. It was a spaghetti-ish dish. It looked really nice -- attractively presented, as were all the meals. Very attractive. And the staff were well-dressed. And the restaurant's decorations were very nice. Very very nice. And that chandelier... like I said before: wow!
And then I looked a little closer at my food. There were these funny little whitish things on top of it. Maybe shaved ginger - it being a fancy fusion place, you never know what they might put on top of your pasta! Or maybe it was some kind of radishy thing: a taste explosion, perhaps!
It was cheese.
It took about an hour to order, about an hour for my food to arrive (and I was HUNGRY, readers) and the one thing I told them I COULDN'T eat was on the dish they SAID it was OK to order. I didn't send it back, because I didn't want to still be there at freaking closing time. And it wasn't quite enough food to totally satisfy me either. And that and a cup of coffee was 25000 won. It was like being mugged by a guy wearing armani.
The food tasted OK, but I'm never going there again. I don't care who you are.
Oh yeah: I forgot to mention: three THREE people didn't get their food at ALL.
The name of the place is Passion 5. Avoid it.
Twenty more minutes later, we asked them where the rest of our food was.
Ten minutes later, my food came. It was a spaghetti-ish dish. It looked really nice -- attractively presented, as were all the meals. Very attractive. And the staff were well-dressed. And the restaurant's decorations were very nice. Very very nice. And that chandelier... like I said before: wow!
And then I looked a little closer at my food. There were these funny little whitish things on top of it. Maybe shaved ginger - it being a fancy fusion place, you never know what they might put on top of your pasta! Or maybe it was some kind of radishy thing: a taste explosion, perhaps!
It was cheese.
It took about an hour to order, about an hour for my food to arrive (and I was HUNGRY, readers) and the one thing I told them I COULDN'T eat was on the dish they SAID it was OK to order. I didn't send it back, because I didn't want to still be there at freaking closing time. And it wasn't quite enough food to totally satisfy me either. And that and a cup of coffee was 25000 won. It was like being mugged by a guy wearing armani.
The food tasted OK, but I'm never going there again. I don't care who you are.
Oh yeah: I forgot to mention: three THREE people didn't get their food at ALL.
The name of the place is Passion 5. Avoid it.
Somebody tried to excuse them because they appeared understaffed... but how is it MY problem that the restaurant manager didn't bring in enough people to deal with brunch, on a Sunday, in a stylish place... they were surprised people came on Sunday brunch, the best brunch time of the week?
I commented, between the crap service, the nice decor, the outrageous prices, the small portions, and the beautiful presentation of so-so food (it was nicer than the Pomodoro chain, but not ENOUGH nicer to justify double the price), that even though they were Itaewon, they'd managed to succeed in their attempt to convince their diners that they were in Gangnam.
And everybody laughed the knowing laugh that means "Yeah. I've had overpriced mediocre food with beautiful presentation and shit service in a stylish restaurant in Gangnam a BUNCH of times, too."
And this is what it boils down to: If you're new in Korea, remember this:
The nicer a place looks in Korea, the better the design, the more likely you're going to get shit service, and pay through the nose for it, and end up feeling like you've been mugged. Don't go there until two people whose taste in food you trust ENTHUSIASTICALLY recommend it to you. (This is also my rule for all italian restaurants in Korea: there are so many that it just means there's a lot of mediocre italian out there.)
And if you're a Korean Food Promotion Ministry guy, listen up, because this is for you: THE FANCIEST RESTAURANTS: THE ONES THAT KOREAN TOURISM ALWAYS WANTS TO PROMOTE, ARE ALMOST INVARIABLY MY WORST EATING EXPERIENCES IN KOREA.
This is not to say there are no stylish restaurants with good food and good service. Of course not. I've been to a few. Some were amazing, and worth every penny. But every time I HAVE gotten pretentious service and overpriced, mediocre food, it's been in a restaurant just too damn stylish to even look at.
But cards on the table: The best Korean food, for one thing, is the cheap, hearty, farmer food. The bibimbaps and the jigaes and the seolongtangs, that are messy, spicy, flavorful, and cheap. The best Korean restaurants are the little ajummah places out in a back alley, where you have to know how to find it, or you never will, and at lunch on a tuesday there's a lineup out the door. I've had slow service, but always a reasonable price and great food, in the dinky hanoks where I've eaten. (The fancy restored ones... jury's out, because I can't afford the 70 000 won per person those kinds of Hanjeongshik places serve... but I bet the jigae jip is better)
For another thing, it seems, again and again and again, that the nicest, fanciest looking restaurants really feel like they can, or ought to be able to, get by on the sheer amazingness of the design of the place, and not have to back it up with a quality menu, or any kind of service at all. I'm convinced that they're not selling themselves as places that serve food, but places to be seen. Try to convince me otherwise. Tell me the waffles at that dumb cafe in Samchungdong really are better than the cheaper ones elsewhere, and that they're worth 15000 won or whatever.
I'm not saying the service at the little mom and pop places is the best all the time... but first of all, they're not charging 20 000 won a plate now, are they? That changes my expectations a bit.
(my favorite expression of "Expectations are different, stupid" - Jon Stewart, on Crossfire - 7:15 "You're on CNN! The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls!")
Also, at least at the old ajummah place, you're allowed to shout down a waiter and ask for what you want, or just get up and get it yourself. Korean food, Korean service: it works! And it's satisfying; hell, it's even a fun part of the Korea experience, to holla for an extra dish of naengmyeon, or to get up and bring back handfuls of plastic cups of water for everyone at the table! At Passion 5, after the first hour, I'd have been happy to see a 스파게티는 셀프 sign, to step up to a grill and cook the damn spaghetti myself.
In the fancy places, it sometimes seems like the wait staff was trained to wait for a chogiyo, but everybody feels like they can't shout, because this is a "nice" place, and in the absence of a chogiyo, they think nobody needs any service. People trained in Korean "Chogiyo!" service at a "western" style restaurant where the waiters are (in the western style) supposed to come by and check on you, is about the worst combination I can think of - about as ill-suited as a foot fetishist inviting a leg amputee to salsa lessons on a blind date.
So, to the fancy restaurants in Korea: Listen up and listen good.
I don't give a cracking booger if the owner of your restaurant was on TV.
I don't care if your chef apprenticed at a four-star restaurant in Paris.
I don't care if you spent a bazillion dollars on your layout and design, and if my chair is made of gold leaf, and my plate is a 3000 year old restored artifact from ancient China. YOU'RE A RESTAURANT! Give me good FOOD!
Train your staff in the style of the restaurant you are: if you're western style, train them to come by from time to time and check up on people.
Teach your waiters to know what's on the menu, and to check with the chef rather than to freaking lie if they can't answer a question about the menu! I actually appreciate when waiters run to the kitchen to check about dairy, because it shows they actually care that I get food I can eat. Some people have deadly food allergies.
Bring out the food at the same freaking time if you're a restaurant that serves food in individual portions, rather than big pots for everybody to share.
That's the barest, barest of service expectations, and I really don't care if your waitresses are all dressed the same, and are as pretty as those girls in the Korean Air ads, if they can't get my order and my food in a timely fashion, answer questions about the menu, and check in if I need anything.
And Passion 5: you took it pretty hard in this one. But frankly, I'm furious at you! Your service was insulting. If I'd been alone, I would have refused to pay, and made a scene. You just got Google bombed. Choke on it. I choked on my cheesy spaghetti. Twice. Ask the guy next to me, who had to move out of the way twice so I could walk past him and scuttle off to the bathroom to choke in privacy.
And Passion 5: you took it pretty hard in this one. But frankly, I'm furious at you! Your service was insulting. If I'd been alone, I would have refused to pay, and made a scene. You just got Google bombed. Choke on it. I choked on my cheesy spaghetti. Twice. Ask the guy next to me, who had to move out of the way twice so I could walk past him and scuttle off to the bathroom to choke in privacy.
Rant over.
[Update: as of June 9 2010, this post is STILL the top google hit for "Passion 5." Still waiting for the apology. I'm a reasonable man. I'll happily retract this story for a bribe.]
Wanna Chat With Foreign Beauties? Cross-Cultural Friendships: a primer
Read up: Equivocations (or: Yes I know these are sweeping generalizations. I'm not stupid, and neither are you.)
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 1
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 2
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 3
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 4
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 1
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 2
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 3
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 4
and bonus material: talking about poop
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 1
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 2
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 3
How To Chat With Foreign Beauties: How to Make Friends With a Foreigner: Part 4
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 1
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 2
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 3
Wanna Chat with Korean Buddies? How not to make an Ass of Yourself: Part 4
and bonus material: talking about poop
Gord Sellar has also just written a great series called "The Five Expat Social Fallacies" which is well worth reading.
The TED Talk that Would Change Korea
I wrote in my "Five things I'd Change" post about something similar to this concept, back when nobody read my blog, but I'd like to share this one with you. Everybody, seriously, everybody should see this one.
Plus, my dear Korean readers: you can ever read it with Korean subtitles on the bottom! I learned a ton in this talk. Watch it. Seriously: watch it. Tell everyone you know!
I believe it was Jason from Kimchi Ice Cream that first put this on his facebook wall. Thanks, man.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Time to Come Clean About my other Blog
(Video: Jump, by Kriss Kross: the name of the band will make sense soon)
OK, readers. It's time to be a bit more honest over here.
It all started with a bit of an experiment, playing around with anonymity on the Internet... but I really feel like the lie has gotten too big.
See, it started back in 2008, when The Korean from Ask A Korean! (now, with a festive exclamation point!) and I got together to do the "Why Do Expats Complain" series that really put Roboseyo on the map, back when nobody read my blog.
Well, that went so well, that The Korean and I (I even know his real name) have become quite good friends through e-mail correspondence, Skype, and stuff. I even chat online with The Korean Fiance when he's out. (She's really sweet, and hella smart.)
But here's the interesting thing... during the "Expats Complain" thing, one person e-mailed us and said that it seemed like there was an echo going on -- that our writing styles were so similar he suspected we were the same writer. That was amusing to us both, but you know, it's the internet... anything's possible.
So TK and I played around with that idea for a while: it became a running joke between us, and I'd put a phrase into a post that he'd recognize as similar to his style, or he'd do the same to me; nobody else would have noticed if they weren't looking for it, like we were. But then, in December, he asked me if I'd be interested in submitting a post for his site, and seeing if anybody'd spot that it wasn't him writing. So I wrote "Fan Death is Real" in January '09 -- I've always been a fan death believer myself, though deeply closeted, for the sake of the scorn people pour on believers, but I figured everybody's be shaking their heads so much with the "typical of a Korean" prejudice that nobody'd notice it wasn't The Korean's usual writing style.
Well, nobody even noticed a bit -- they just got into the back and forth on the comments, and barely paid attention to the different choice in adjectives.
Emboldened, TK sent me another shocker of a headline: you might not have noticed, but the "I want to Kill the President" post that went up on Roboseyo in March 2009, and discussed free speech in Korea, wasn't written by me at all. Did you notice? I don't know that anybody did.
So it worked... nothing else came of it, and things went on as normal, until a few months ago.
As you know, The Korean got engaged a little while ago, which, along with a promotion at work, left him with no free time to maintain Ask A Korean! at the standard he preferred. So he asked me to step in...
At first I was nervous about taking the extra work on, but honestly, the challenge of writing from a different perspective was so refreshing, I feel like it's been polishing my craft as a writer, so I've been writing both Ask A Korean! and Roboseyo since late January (switching from hotmail to gmail was so that I could manage the mail on an account separate from a few of The Korean's other important, connected online accounts), on the understanding that later, when I'm getting ready for my wedding, he'll take over Roboseyo for a little while.
However, the wheel of fate would turn yet again. Turns out The Korean's promotion led to another, bigger promotion (good for him, I suppose) and this means that, while he has enough time to keep commenting on The Marmot's Hole (that was never me), he's ready to set blogging aside for good.
Given that Ask A Korean! is more popular than Roboseyo ever was by an order of magnitude, and that the question and answer format is so simple the posts practically write themselves, and maintaining two popular, individual blogs is just a little too much, especially now that Hub of Sparkle's back online, I've decided to quit Roboseyo, and devote all my blogging time to Ask A Korean!.
I hope you don't mind, readers: I've really enjoyed doing the Roboseyo blog, and there might still be posts here, more aimed at my close friends and family (more stuff about the rash on my knee than the rash of celebrity suicides: personal, not social commentary), but you'll be happy to know that I'll still be blogging, if you just take the time to switch your bookmarks to Ask A Korean!. To avoid too much confusion, I'll change my own moniker to "The New Korean," to avoid being mistaken with the old Korean. And still feel free to send in translation requests: I have some friends I can farm it out to.
Finally: it's been a great ride. I'm grateful to my readers and especially all the people who left comments and wrote e-mails. I hope for your support at Ask A Korean! as well: Korea remains an inexhaustible topic, and Koreans are an inexhaustibly fascinating people, and i look forward to keeping up the exploration.
All the best, dear readers.
Roboseyo (The New Korean)
It all started with a bit of an experiment, playing around with anonymity on the Internet... but I really feel like the lie has gotten too big.
See, it started back in 2008, when The Korean from Ask A Korean! (now, with a festive exclamation point!) and I got together to do the "Why Do Expats Complain" series that really put Roboseyo on the map, back when nobody read my blog.
Well, that went so well, that The Korean and I (I even know his real name) have become quite good friends through e-mail correspondence, Skype, and stuff. I even chat online with The Korean Fiance when he's out. (She's really sweet, and hella smart.)
But here's the interesting thing... during the "Expats Complain" thing, one person e-mailed us and said that it seemed like there was an echo going on -- that our writing styles were so similar he suspected we were the same writer. That was amusing to us both, but you know, it's the internet... anything's possible.
So TK and I played around with that idea for a while: it became a running joke between us, and I'd put a phrase into a post that he'd recognize as similar to his style, or he'd do the same to me; nobody else would have noticed if they weren't looking for it, like we were. But then, in December, he asked me if I'd be interested in submitting a post for his site, and seeing if anybody'd spot that it wasn't him writing. So I wrote "Fan Death is Real" in January '09 -- I've always been a fan death believer myself, though deeply closeted, for the sake of the scorn people pour on believers, but I figured everybody's be shaking their heads so much with the "typical of a Korean" prejudice that nobody'd notice it wasn't The Korean's usual writing style.
Well, nobody even noticed a bit -- they just got into the back and forth on the comments, and barely paid attention to the different choice in adjectives.
Emboldened, TK sent me another shocker of a headline: you might not have noticed, but the "I want to Kill the President" post that went up on Roboseyo in March 2009, and discussed free speech in Korea, wasn't written by me at all. Did you notice? I don't know that anybody did.
So it worked... nothing else came of it, and things went on as normal, until a few months ago.
As you know, The Korean got engaged a little while ago, which, along with a promotion at work, left him with no free time to maintain Ask A Korean! at the standard he preferred. So he asked me to step in...
At first I was nervous about taking the extra work on, but honestly, the challenge of writing from a different perspective was so refreshing, I feel like it's been polishing my craft as a writer, so I've been writing both Ask A Korean! and Roboseyo since late January (switching from hotmail to gmail was so that I could manage the mail on an account separate from a few of The Korean's other important, connected online accounts), on the understanding that later, when I'm getting ready for my wedding, he'll take over Roboseyo for a little while.
However, the wheel of fate would turn yet again. Turns out The Korean's promotion led to another, bigger promotion (good for him, I suppose) and this means that, while he has enough time to keep commenting on The Marmot's Hole (that was never me), he's ready to set blogging aside for good.
Given that Ask A Korean! is more popular than Roboseyo ever was by an order of magnitude, and that the question and answer format is so simple the posts practically write themselves, and maintaining two popular, individual blogs is just a little too much, especially now that Hub of Sparkle's back online, I've decided to quit Roboseyo, and devote all my blogging time to Ask A Korean!.
I hope you don't mind, readers: I've really enjoyed doing the Roboseyo blog, and there might still be posts here, more aimed at my close friends and family (more stuff about the rash on my knee than the rash of celebrity suicides: personal, not social commentary), but you'll be happy to know that I'll still be blogging, if you just take the time to switch your bookmarks to Ask A Korean!. To avoid too much confusion, I'll change my own moniker to "The New Korean," to avoid being mistaken with the old Korean. And still feel free to send in translation requests: I have some friends I can farm it out to.
Finally: it's been a great ride. I'm grateful to my readers and especially all the people who left comments and wrote e-mails. I hope for your support at Ask A Korean! as well: Korea remains an inexhaustible topic, and Koreans are an inexhaustibly fascinating people, and i look forward to keeping up the exploration.
All the best, dear readers.
Roboseyo (The New Korean)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
YAARGH! YES, stupid: in Korea, marijuana IS a big deal. Stop being Dumbasses, English Teachers.
Hey there, everybody. Popular Gusts reports on another arrest of foreign-born Korean English teachers, for growing marijuana. Now, yeah, I'm glad they were Korean-American instead of straight-up WASPs, because it means English teachers catch a little less heat... but every time English teacher, Marijuana, and Arrest are in the news, no matter if the English teacher was White, Korean, Filipino, Chinese or Martian, a little guilt by association goes around.
So I just want to fire off a short rant:
OK. I know that because of the high turnover rate of English teachers, maybe it has to be repeated, over and over.
According to the article, "Said grower also said that in America smoking pot isn't considered to be a big problem." And this is something I've heard before, in other places, as if this is why they expect the police to follow Alaskan marijuana law instead of Korean law, when dealing with a foreigner arrested for possession in Korea.
OK, dear readers, here's the thing. First of all, we foreigners have all had the discussion where we've said that in general, Koreans don't have much concept of there being a spectrum of drug severity -- that is, marijuana is not that dangerous a drug, while things like heroin or meth are the real life-wreckers that Korea should be fighting against, and lending headline space. I'm from the Vancouver area, so I might have had "the marijuana talk" more often than others, thanks to discussing it with the hometown pals, even though I've never been a user myself. Going to a Christian university meant that it was available if I went looking for it, but I couldn't really be bothered to.
We can all agree that there isn't a lot of nuance in the idea that all illegal drugs are equal, in the same way that there isn't a lot of nuance in the idea that all mental illnesses are tantamount to being f*#^ing crazy - that all-or-nothing thing has been extensively discussed in different places.
And my dear readers, I'm sure all of you are fine, upstanding citizens who'd never think about using drugs while you're teaching English, or living in Korea... But maybe, some people will drift across this post while googling for information about drug use in Korea, so it's time for me to say it.
It doesn't matter if we think Korean thinking about different kinds of drugs is un-nuanced... because we're not the ones who write Korean law! It's not our job to introduce the Koreans we meet to the argument that alcohol is a more dangerous drug than marijuana... even though some say it is. And frankly, given the amount of stigma against drug use, and the way that illegal drugs have been presented to Koreans by the Korean media, we're butting our heads against a wall if we take it upon ourselves to enlighten every Korean we meet with that little pearl.
So I just want to fire off a short rant:OK. I know that because of the high turnover rate of English teachers, maybe it has to be repeated, over and over.
According to the article, "Said grower also said that in America smoking pot isn't considered to be a big problem." And this is something I've heard before, in other places, as if this is why they expect the police to follow Alaskan marijuana law instead of Korean law, when dealing with a foreigner arrested for possession in Korea.
OK, dear readers, here's the thing. First of all, we foreigners have all had the discussion where we've said that in general, Koreans don't have much concept of there being a spectrum of drug severity -- that is, marijuana is not that dangerous a drug, while things like heroin or meth are the real life-wreckers that Korea should be fighting against, and lending headline space. I'm from the Vancouver area, so I might have had "the marijuana talk" more often than others, thanks to discussing it with the hometown pals, even though I've never been a user myself. Going to a Christian university meant that it was available if I went looking for it, but I couldn't really be bothered to.
We can all agree that there isn't a lot of nuance in the idea that all illegal drugs are equal, in the same way that there isn't a lot of nuance in the idea that all mental illnesses are tantamount to being f*#^ing crazy - that all-or-nothing thing has been extensively discussed in different places.
And my dear readers, I'm sure all of you are fine, upstanding citizens who'd never think about using drugs while you're teaching English, or living in Korea... But maybe, some people will drift across this post while googling for information about drug use in Korea, so it's time for me to say it.
It doesn't matter if we think Korean thinking about different kinds of drugs is un-nuanced... because we're not the ones who write Korean law! It's not our job to introduce the Koreans we meet to the argument that alcohol is a more dangerous drug than marijuana... even though some say it is. And frankly, given the amount of stigma against drug use, and the way that illegal drugs have been presented to Koreans by the Korean media, we're butting our heads against a wall if we take it upon ourselves to enlighten every Korean we meet with that little pearl.
Rather than open Koreans' minds to a whole new world of grey areas and "soft drugs," what having that conversation most often does, is serve to reinforce the stereotype of "Morally unqualified, drug-addled English teacher, who in his/her arrogance, thinks they should change Korea to be exactly like their own country" that we've been trying to live down for half a decade or more.
(from here)
So here's what papa Roboseyo suggests, as per "the drugs discussion" in Korea. I would be happy if these ideas circulated widely, and that every first year English teacher, during their first month, were emphatically advised by a colleague that:
1. At this point, between the risks and penalties and the way Koreans think about drug use, combined with the way drug use is so often associated with English teachers, it just isn't worth it to use drugs while you're in Korea. Don't do it, don't look for it, just stay out of that mess. I've actually met people who came to Korea to successfully clean up, and get off the ganj, and they succeeded. Korea's good for that. Korea's NOT a good place to get high, unless your drug of choice is either alcohol, or really spicy food. Pot IS a big problem here, and if you resent that pot's legally or practically decriminalized in parts of North America and in the Netherlands, but it's still very illegal here, then go back to Portland, Denver, Amsterdam, or Vancouver Island.
2. Rather than try to add ambiguity and nuance to the discussion, when Koreans who don't know you very well, and whom you don't know very well, bring up the topic of drug use, stick with "I respect Korean laws, so I don't do drugs while I'm in Korea." If they pursue it, "Whatever I did back home, in a different culture, doesn't matter much to my life in Korea, because while I'm in Korea, I respect the local laws." If they still pursue it, gently change the topic.
3. Add "nuanced discussion of the relative severity of different illegal drugs" and "alcohol is the drug that should really be illegal, and Korean workaholics would benefit more from smoking marijuana after working their 12 hour shifts, than they do from getting shit-faced" to the list of topics to be brought up delicately and probably infrequently, and only with Korean friends who know you quite well, and whom you know well enough to read whether they're growing uncomfortable with the conversation, along with "complaining about Korea" "ugly nationalism" "views deviating from the Korean norm regarding Dokdo, the Japanese colonial era, war crimes, apologies, and comfort women," "Korea's sex industry" "corruption" "Korea's not actually sexually conservative" "racism in Korea" and "open discussion about sex."
Can we all agree to follow those principles, and ask our new co-teachers to get on board? Pretty please?
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wanna Chat with Foreign Beauties? How to Make Friends with a Foreigner Part 4
This is part 4 of a series on forming friendships between Koreans and expats. It sure isn't the final word on the subject, but maybe it's a start.
In some kind of search for balance, because I can only represent the expat's side of the equation, I asked a few of my "Korean Korean" readers to contribute some advice and insights from the other side. Those posts will alternate with these ones, in an effort to redress the imbalance.
Tip 11: Be careful. Don't ask any question where the answer might upset you, and don't expect me to answer questions the same way most Koreans would.
For example, let's take the question "How do you like Korean women?" - a somewhat common question. When somebody asks this, it seems like a trap to me, because there's only one answer I can give: praise. It’s like the stereotyped girlfriend who says, "Do I look fat in this dress?" - she doesn't want an honest answer. She wants a compliment. Fishing for compliments is insincere and a sign of insecurity. Why is it my job to make you feel better about your country's women?
Next problem: what if I give an answer you didn't expect, or won't like? What if I had some bad experiences with Korean women, so I say something really nasty? Are you ready to accept that answer, and talk about it, without getting defensive? If not, don't ask the question. This is why I usually refuse to answer the question "What do you dislike the most about Korea" -- because too often, the person who asked the question got upset when I answered honestly. Clearly, they didn’t think about whether they really wanted to know my answer to their question. This kind of awkward situation will kill any chance of a developing friendship.
Tip 11.1: Don't be surprised if I give a different kind of answer than you'd expect, either. I probably won't repeat the talking points covered in the Korean media, because I don't read Korean newspapers or watch Korean news, and I don't always share the opinions that are common among Koreans. Basically: be aware of what you're getting into if you ask about controversial or hot topics, particularly ones that involve nationalism, China, America, Japan, and especially Dokdo.
Tip 12: Be considerate. Don't introduce me to the stranger parts of Korean culture unless I ask you to, or please prepare me for what's coming. A student once told me about taking his new foreign coworker out for Korean food, and suggesting he try Fermented Skate (홍어/Hongeo), without telling him what it was.
It’s not really surprising that the new coworker lost all interest in trying Korean food, and ate sandwiches and western foods for the rest of his time in Korea. By introducing his partner to the weirdest parts of Korean cuisine first, and treating parts of Korean culture as a practical joke to humiliate a colleague, he caused the coworker to completely close his mind to other Korean foods that he might have liked.
Introducing the weirdest parts of Korea first will usually have three effects on a foreigner experiencing culture shock: 1. it'll make her lose interest in learning more, and 2. it'll make her feel like an outsider who could never fit in, and 3. it'll make her resent you for using her to show off that you ARE an insider, while she isn't. It’s disrespectful to a person to make them feel like an outsider (this is why it’s also impolite to talk about me in Korean while I’m sitting at the table with you, especially if everyone present can speak English.) It’s also a terrible recipe for a friendship.
Some foreigners DO want to try boshintang, bundaegi, sea squirt, and hongeo, some DO want to go to a full-length pansori performance, or see the bullfighting in Cheongdo, and look around the dog market in Moran. If I want to do those things, and you've agreed to introduce me to Korean culture, I'll ask. However, many of us would rather experience the side that's easier to handle, and if you introduce the weird stuff to me without context, without preparing me, or explaining that most Koreans don't like hongeo, either, that dog meat is less popular than it used to be, or if you play the "do you know what you just ate?" game, I'll start thinking of Korea as a weird, backwards place full of strange people who eat and do strange things, and who certainly enjoy rubbing my face in the fact I’m not one of them. Is that the impression you actually want me to have? Moreover, is creating that impression worth the cheap laugh you got when I bit down on that sea squirt and made that funny face? (That actually happened to me, and it was very embarrassing.) Korean culture is not a prank to be played on outsiders, and treating it that way is a disservice to foreigners, and to your own culture.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wanna Chat with Foreign Beauties? How to Make Friends with a Foreigner Part 3: Questions and Comments
This is part 3 of a series on forming friendships between Koreans and expats. It sure isn't the final word on the subject, but maybe it's a start.
In some kind of search for balance, because I can only represent the expat's side of the equation, I asked a few of my "Korean Korean" readers to contribute some advice and insights from the other side. Those posts will alternate with these ones, in an effort to redress the imbalance. Here we go...
Tip 10: Be different. Almost every time a Korean approaches me to start a conversation, they start off with the same questions:
Where are you from? How long have you been in Korea? Can you speak Korean? Are you married? Why did you come to Korea? Do you like Korean food? What's your job? ... and so on. Honestly, it gets boring answering the same questions every time... which means that if you ask all the same questions as everybody else asks me in the first five minutes after you meet me, my first impression will be that you're terribly boring: a bad start for a friendship.
Repetitiveness is bad. And sometimes frightening. (gif from here)
Most of the common questions are perfectly good ones, so feel free to ask them later in the conversation, but not all at once right after you meet me, OK? If you ask more interesting, and more varied questions, I'll be more interested in talking to you again.
Tip 10.1 Here are some questions that are too personal for the first five minutes after you meet someone. Save them for later, if you ask them at all.
How old are you? How tall are you? Is your hair naturally blonde/curly/red? (How would you feel if I asked, “Are your eyelids are real or surgical?”) "Tell me about your family" is always better than "Are you married?"
Tip 10.2 These comments are strange or uncomfortable in my culture:
Any comment about someone's personal appearance, even positive things, too early in a conversation. "You are very handsome" or "You are very beautiful" is a strange thing to say to a person right after you meet them: it sounds like a pretty strong come-on. It is especially uncommon for men to compliment another man's looks in North America.
"You have a small face" and "Your skin is so pale!" -- these are not considered compliments to me. Nobody pays attention to big or small faces where I’m from, and "You have pale skin," to many white people, is like saying, "You're looking a bit sick."
"Your skin is pale" makes most white folks think of something like this: (source)
not something like this:
"You have nice eyes" is better than "you have big eyes".
"You look like (famous western person)." This one reminds us of that stereotyped and racist saying "they all look the same to me" -- especially when every curly-haired man looks like Tom Hanks, every blonde woman looks like Nicole Kidman, and every bald man looks like Bruce Willis. Don't say this one unless I really, really, really do look like the person. Imagine traveling in Europe and having people tell you that you look like Jackie Chan or Lucy Liu. Again and again and again.
Tip 10.3 Just Annoying:
"Are you from America?" (non-Americans HATE when people assume they're American. Imagine if everybody said "Konichiwa" to you during your tour of Europe.) "Where are you from?" is better.
"What do you think about Korean women/men?" (basically means: "I want you to flatter the people of my country.")
"Can you eat spicy food?" (unless we're about to order a meal together, this one is strange, especially because the stereotype that foreigners can't eat spicy food isn't always true.)
Not. Always. True.
Tip 10.5 Very rude in our culture:
Any comment about somebody's weight, any negative comment about someone's looks.
I've heard so many expats in Korea complain about well-meaning people saying things like "Are you sick? You look really terrible!" Once I was giving level tests at my adult language school, and the first words the student said when he sat down for the interview were "you look terrible!" He wanted to show concern, or interest in me. Instead, he offended me, and made me immediately dislike him. Just sincerely ask "How are you doing" or "You don't seem well...is everything ok?"
One last thing: if you ask "Is your girlfriend Korean?" and your tone sounds like you don't care if she is or not, I don't mind answering, but if you make the question into a big deal, I wonder why you care about it: you're talking to ME, not her, and if interracial dating is a big deal to you, I start thinking you might be a little bit racist.
OK! I hope that was fun for you. Have a great day, and stay tuned for part 4!
Back to the table of contents.
Back to the table of contents.
Wanna Chat with Foreign Beauties? How to Make Friends with a Foreigner: Equivocations
OK. I realize that the portrait that is slowly forming, by listing all the different ways these discussions go wrong, doesn't look good. Yes, these bits and pieces of awkward situations somehow collect together, and form a false image of some kind of "FrankenKorean" - a mix of all the worst parts of every Korean every expat has ever met. I've written before about how that kind of stereotyping and judgement is harmful, and it goes both ways, and it gets ugly.
Back to the table of contents.
So before the Keyboard warriors get going, hear me out. I want to be clear that these tips, held all together, creates a composite image of a Korean who does not exist. I know that. You know that. And now you know that I know that. These social blunders are not a description of my entire experience with Koreans, and nobody's socially clumsy enough to make every one of these mistakes in a single conversation. I've met many Koreans who are very socially adept (many more so than I am), and some, many, with manners that put me to shame.
However, in the course of meeting several hundred, maybe even a few thousand Koreans in the last seven years, I've seen a great variety of people, and while most of them are very socially adept, not all of them are. And while most of them don't commit these blunders, some have. In fact, enough have, and continue to do so, that these items were worth mentioning.
And the best thing is: most of these errors are easy to correct: a little awareness, and a little consideration of foreigners as fully functioning, feeling human beings, will take care of most of it. So before anybody gets in a snit, bear in mind what I'm trying to do here, and why I'm trying to do it, and as I said right at the beginning: if this stuff doesn't apply to you, ignore it!
Conversely, the same thing applies to we foreigners: so far, most of the advice I've heard directed towards foreigners boils down to being considerate. . . but why deliver a message in those two words, when I could deliver them in several thousand, eh? So, on with the series...
Back to the table of contents.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Link Dump
Some articles that caught my eye last time I combed through all my favorite news sites:
Coincidentally, it's a little "Chosun Ilbo" heavy, but that wasn't intentional.
The most important link of the day: Read about North Korea's Worst Concentration Camp -
The Jeungsan Reeducation Center in South Pyongan Province has a reputation for cruelty and the saying goes that even healthy people leave as cripples.
This camp is especially for women's reeducation, and everyone in the world should be reminded, between Paris Hilton videos and Kim Kardashian scandal rumors, that this is happening, too.
While this doesn't mean Foreigners and Koreans can never understand each other or be friends, articles like this are good starting points for trying to find a middle-ground of understanding, when foreigners and Koreans try to make friends. On the other hand, you have to question a survey that surveys "foreigners" rather than, say, groups from distinct countries.
"Improving Korea's Status takes More than Cosmetic Measures" - an editorial saying something similar to my rant about branding.
Korean Women Reject 'Drink or Be Fired' Culture - looking at the way women fit into Korea's alcohol-soaked "if the boss says, you MUST drink" business culture. (ht Brian's twitter)
26 Reasons What you Think is Right is Wrong - a bit of critical thinking (ht James Turnbull's twitter)
"For Koreans, the Spicier the Food the Better" - Koreans like spicy food. Nothing special there... but the picture, with its "Blonde hair bignoses can't eat spicy food" stereotype-reinforcer, is a bit... condescending?
Maybe the blonde haired bignose is now simply cartoonist shorthand for "Non-Koreans" but being a blonde haired bignose myself, well, I still resent it.
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