a nice thing about writing at the Hub of Sparkle is, when you're piping mad about something...

I can save my social commentary/moral outrage about Korea's social problems stuff for there, and keep Roboseyo a mostly happy place.

But I'm mad, readers.  Flaming mad.

Because the people who are supposed to be protecting kids: parents and teachers and stuff, are covering up acts of violence against minors.  Rather than raising a holy stink to high heaven, and throwing the perps up against a wall, with a good strong smackdown, to show everyone around that this is not acceptable behaviour, and will be punished by the law, a lot, and is also bad, parents and teachers at schools deny things and cover things up, in order not to lose face.

Losing face, dear readers.  

In other words: they are not doing their jobs properly, because they don't want it to look like they aren't doing their jobs properly.

Yeah.  When you word it that way, saving face is absolute bullshit.

Now, I know it only raises my blood pressure to get worked up about things too big for me to change personally... but this time, I'm at least pitching in, boys and girls.

See, the biggest problem with all this violence against kids being tolerated or ignored, is that people DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.  And I can talk about it.  And now that a few people read my blog, I can even get other people talking about it.

Because here in Korea, the only time shit actually seems to get done is when someone in power gets embarrassed for not having done his (yeah, it's usually a guy, this being Korea and all) job properly up until that point.  I could reference numerous incidences where as soon as something went public and embarrassed some people, decision-makers finally got around to doing something.

It is also well-known to anyone familiar with Korea, that Korea really hates being criticized in the International Media (even the Lonely Planet gets'em up in arms, and a Singaporean textbook...heaven help us all!).  If a major network picked up a story about Korea's apparent lack of care for all the corporal punishment and, even worse, the denials, cover-ups, and general flippance TOWARD these acts and much, much worse, maybe the right feathers would get ruffled, and things would start to change.

I've started a page over at Hub of Sparkle where I'm collecting all the ugly incidents of schoolteacher coverups, parents refusing to cooperate with police investigations on violence against kids, because it brings shame to the family, of police neglecting to properly investigate crimes against kids, because it sounds too much like work, so that if/when a journalist DOES decide to do that exposee, they'll have their job made easy, because the last round of stories, news links, and blog anecdotes (see the post after the link) has just been a bridge too far, and I want to do something about it.

So go check the link repository at Hub of Sparkle.  Send me links at hubofsparkle[at]gmail[dot]com if you have a story, or leave it in the comments.  I'm especially looking for stuff a journalist would be able to use, for example, news articles from creditable sources, or articles in translation with links to the original Korean articles.  Help me build up a stockpile of yuck, so that the right people can be embarrassed into actually making this country a better, safer place to be a kid.

Leave comments about the kids over there, not here.

James Bond, Quantum Of Solace

Saw the new Bond movie. Hit Play. (the official video)


A few notes.

First of all... it doesn't immediately come to mind, but once you think about it, while he was also born to do much more, Jack White was born, born, BORN to sing a James Bond 007 theme song. He brings the thunder and howl the franchise needs -- like the wailing wild horns in the Gold-finger theme, as well as the menace in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," and the swagger of the original theme. His duet partner hits it, too -- heck, I want (the amazingly talented) Alicia Keys to play a Bond babe now. The rhythm and wordplay of the lyrics -- seriously, the only recent Bond theme that comes CLOSE to being this memorable was Garbage singing "The World Is Not Enough" (another band born to do a Bond theme).  (other artists born to sing Bond: Shirley Bassey (Goldfinger, Diamonds are Forever), Tom Jones (Thunderball))

Honestly, beyond the fact that if you brainstormed all the stuff Guys want to see in a movie, you'd come up with James Bond (think about it: car chases, spy stuff, guns, hot slutty girls, and a badass hero who's the ultimate uberman for all seasons -- are we missing anything? That formula's never gonna run out), I think the thing that drives the James Bond movies, and has helped the franchise last for so long, is that the music for Bond ROCKS, and made Bond the spy movie that endured, instead of being Just Another Spy Movie from 1962.

There are five elements every Bond film contains, by which they can be measured against each other.
1. the action sequence before the opening credits (the Pierce Brosnan bonds were always strong here, but the last two are among the best ever)
2. the opening theme song (best: Gold Finger; worst: the ones by Madonna and Duran Duran; most surprisingly good: Live and Let Die: who knew Paul McCartney had it in him?)
3. the opening animations (would have to rewatch them all to say; don't feel like it)
4. the bond babe (best: Halle Berry, a handful of the early Connery Bond babes; worst: Denise Richards, didn't like Grace Jones, either.)
5. the villain (pick'em: this category depends a lot on what you like; I lean toward Christopher Walken in View to a Kill, though some of the early ones were awesome, too)

6. (i suppose) the actor for Bond

(7. if you want: the action sequences in general, though this one's hazy, because it could be divided into the car chases and the climactic sequences, and there are so many ways to categorize action sequences, that might just boil down to preference)

Previously you could have added
8. cleverness of catchphrase deliveries ("Martini, extra dry..." "Bond. James Bond", etc.)
9. cheesiness of puns
10. godawful cheesiness of closing line (Worst ever: ""I thought Christmas only came once a year." [the world is not enough])
11. silliness of the "Q" (and "R") gadget scenes (and the ridiculousness of the gadgets)
12. the car (and the goofy bells and whistles in the car)


Let it be known that I love the Bond franchise, because it's mindless popcorn action at its finest. One summer, I watched every Bond movie with my dad; he systematically rented two or three a week, and we got through all of them. Watching movies and TV shows has always been the way Poposeyo and I bonded. (haha. bonded). It's amazing how similar they are to one another, other than the elements above, and special effects technology of the era.

So, how does Quantum of Solace stack up?

1. The action scenes before the opening credits for the most recent two Bonds were more visceral and right-out thrilling than most of what we saw in the past: Daniel Craig actually sells the action much better than most of the other guys: no way Roger Moore could jump that far.  Daniel Craig jumping that far. . . maybe!)

2. Music: as I said: maybe the best Bond Theme since the '60s, in my opinion.  Whatever it is, it's got it.

3. Opening animations: good.  Very good.  Not world-changing, but the colours and style fit the music, and have a kind of throwback feel, with cool muted '70s colours and bullet-traces in wacky psychadelic contrasts to the backgrounds.

4. Bond Babe: Primary Bond babe Olga Kurylenko looks really really good with a dirty face (important for this Bond Babe, as she actually gets in on the action).  I'd put her above average, quite good, in fact, in the "Halle Berry's asskicking bond babe" mode, rather than the "screaming hostage in distress" mode we used to see.  Ms. Olga's pushing, but not necessarily in the top seven.  The secondary Bond babe (every movie has two) was kinda weak sauce, though, unless you have a thing for librarians.

5. Villan: again, kind of weak sauce.  Since the end of the cold war, it's been hard to come up with a really delicious bad guy, and the fact these new Bonds are trying to get away from the silly overkill of the underground-fortress-stuff kinda cock-blocks the writers from inventing a good, juicy megalomaniac.  Yeah, this guy's plan was evil and grandiose, but while I don't want to give away spoilers, let's just say that it didn't have the kind of "Sink all of California into the ocean" ambition that former villains did, and he wasn't very scary or menacing, either. Especially appearing so soon after Heath Ledger's Joker, a bad guy who dripped menace and the threat of unexpected, gleefully sickening violence at any second.  Sorry, Bond people.  Don't give your villains French accents, for a start.  Just stay away from the Romance language aisle entirely, if you're shopping for evil accents.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Soundtrack II: Gold Finger. Best Theme Ever. 

But here's the reason I like these new Daniel Craig Bond movies:

The absence of Bond Standbys 8-12.

See, after Austin Powers sent them up so deliciously, the REAL Bond people couldn't make any more movies cut from the old cloth, because now that Mike Myers lampooned those tropes, going back to that well again would have devolved quickly into self-parody.  You might have noticed (especially when John Cleese's "R" replaced Desmond Llewellyn's "Q") that Pierce Brosnan's Bond movies were heading in that direction, having no choice but to get sillier and sillier, just to come up with something you haven't already seen before in another Bond film.

These new Bonds, they lampoon some of the old cliches, and you see references to the old Bond films (for example, the Gold Finger tribute that any Bondophile will notice), but they don't go saying the goofy names directly, or making the kinds of "I just threw up in my mouth" puns that you waited for, but still cringed at, in the old Bond movies.

Finally, on the last two Bonds:

1. Roger Moore is the most divisive of Bonds; he's kind of a love'em or hate'em guy.  I liked him, but he hung on a bit too long, and he made two or three too many movies before he hung up his laser GPS radio cufflinks.

2. The problem with every Bond after Connery is that the best they could ever be is a pretty good imitation of Sean Connery -- if you're starting off trying to be someone else, you're never going to create something fantastic of your own.  Being the best Bond since Connery was previously like being the best runner-up for MVP in Baseball History.  

3.  Pierce Brosnan took old Connery Bond as far as it could go.  He was a very credible Bond, and he quit at the right time.  He rescued Bond in the '90s, and made a few very good films: I'd rate him as the second best Bond after Connery.  However, after Brosnan, there just wasn't anywhere to go, except either farther over the top (which would have ended up like Batman And Robin, going too far and nearly sinking the franchise forever...) or back to basics.

4.  Daniel Craig is the first James Bond who isn't mostly just trying to be Sean Connery.  He brings his own thing to Bond, and sells it.  He does still manage to look really good in a tuxedo, but he also looks better (at least, more convincing) covered in dust and grime than any of the other Bonds, and when he chases a bad guy down across rooftops or wins a knife-fight on a speeding motorboat, he does it in a way that you believe he actually could.  When people punch him, it hurts, and when he jumps from a moving car, he gets scrapes on his face.  Most importantly, his Bond actually has an internal life, rather than just being a cartoon puppet in either a tux or a t-shirt with a ripped pectoral, moved through set pieces in order to show the maximum number of either boobs or bombs per frame of film. 

But the main reason I think these are the best Bond films since Connery is that they've finally hired a really really good writer, and given Bond some dialogue as good as the music backing it.  The conversation in Casino Royale, when he first meets Vesper, Eva Green's character, was so well-written and clever that it played like a proclamation: "Hey everybody!  This is a different James Bond than you had before" and unlike when George Lazenby tried that, and the world wasn't ready for their icon to be flooped around, this time, everybody knew it was time.

I'd put both of these new Bonds in my top seven, frankly, and one of them (but not both) in my top five.

Now I'm gonna go download Thunderball (first or second best Bond ever; underwater fight scene: most thrilling Bond action sequence ever), before I get carried away and say Daniel Craig is as good as Sean Connery or something silly like that.

Update: Olya, the Bond Babe of the hour, has been accused by a group in Russian communists of being a traitor, for appearing in this film; they also think that the Bond people were insulting Russia by implying that Bond boned with her.  Smells like "we can get international attention if we criticize her" to me.

P.S.: Koreans were offended by "Die Another Day" because of its choice to make the villain North Korean.  A South Korean actor even refused to appear in the film, and North Korea had some words to say about it in an official Press Release.

Kim Jong Il is the new Waldo

A few other bloggers have linked to this, but it makes me laugh nonetheless.

The theme of the photoshop contest was "Kim Jong-Il lives," and go see the gallery at Somethingawful.com.

Another great pair of photoshop contests: "If a major war had gone the other way" and "What Campaign Ads Would Look Like if The Voting Age Was 6."

A Few Kim Jong-Il Highlights:


I found him. Can you?

I've heard they like Kimchi, too!

Foreigners (gasp! foreigners!) sing a nice little a capella version of Korea's best-loved folk-song, Arirang, around a dinner table.

It's a great song, beautiful as all-get-out, if you find a good version of it, though as I've blogged before, kind of like the The Star Spangled Banner (first place): in the hands of the wrong show-off, it can turn into a piece of overwrought yuck (speaking of self promotion and misuse of a cultural treasure, here's the last time I mentioned arirang, as pertaining to its being plundered for the closing credits of a horrible movie, in a crass, cheap ploy for movie promotion based on nationalistic pride).
Here's my favourite version of that song, linked before, because of the slow build-up, ending in the crowd singing along at the climax.

Here ya go, all you U. S. of Americans.

Hugh Laurie


You may recognize this singer, a brilliant comedian...from his most recent television role.


Personally, I prefer his early work.

(the Prince Regent, from Blackadder)

While Everybody Else is talking about the Election... Funny Story Contest!

Here's what might be the funniest story I've read on a Korea blog.

ROK Drop, an excellent blog that I would feature as a Blog Of The Month, if it weren't a far better, more popular blog than mine which didn't need a boost from me in any way, shape, or form, has this brilliant story about a bunch of Philippina juicy girls getting into a snowball fight at the Dongducheon ville.  Warm up your imagination juices and try to create a mental picture as you read it.  It slew me, and ought to crack you up, too.

Here's the setup:

The funniest fight I ever saw in the ville has to be this alteracation that happened a few years back.  Like the beginning to any good military story, "there I was" buying a kebab from the Turkish kebab stand at the Dongducheon Ville.  I’m pretty sure it was December, but it was winter and it was snowing very heavily that night.  A number of Philippina juicy girls were out in front of their clubs checking out the falling snow.  For many of them it was probably the first snow that they had ever seen.  Anyway I’m standing there waiting for my kebab and suddenly from the corner of my eye I see this snowball fly through the air and smash a juicy girl in the back of the head standing in front of the New World Club. Absolutely a perfect shot.

Here's the link.  Follow up and read up for what happens next.

I'm sure it was much funnier than this.

Snowfight: 2 Bikini Girls Part 1 - Funny bloopers R us

(If you have a funnier Korea story from a Korea blog, put the link in the comments or e-mail them to me at the sidebar address.  I'll hand out hat tips and whatnot of course.)

This one's for you, Brian In Jeollanam-do.

Halloween costume of the year.

spotted by The Constant Crafter, in Jongno.

Seoul Forest, and Excellent Weekend

So on Friday (Halloween) night, my friend Jennifer took me to Kyunghee Palace, the most haunted palace in Seoul, and regaled us with ghost stories about royals accused of witchcraft, the spritual-superchargity of Shaman-Central, Inwang Mountain, and serial killer princes locked in rice chests to starve to death, which led to the old puzzle:

If Halloween is a Western holiday (and it is; it's only just now gaining speed in Korea, mostly through Hogwan halloween parties), do Korean ghosts come out, too?

I've always wondered about this; what about luck: as a westerner living in Korea, should I avoid the number 13 (western superstition) the number 4 (Korean superstition), both, or neither? Is it safe for me to open umbrellas indoors here (Koreans often do, leaving umbrellas open in building entrances or hallways outside apartments, so that the water runs off), or should I still avoid it?

Whoa. When I did a google images search for "Black Cat"
I expected this.


Not this. (Black Cat: Felicia Hardy. Thanks, Marvel)
Anyway, we didn't see any ghosts; only some ineffectual security guards. We did go to a great ghost-themed dive bar that was about as cheesy as a scene from Army of Darkness, and as awesome.

Saturday, I helped Foreign/er Joy move to a new place, and hung out with Gomushin Girl (who took some pictures I want) and Zenkimchi, and ate lamb galbi, and durn, it was good (you can read about it here and here, too), but Sunday was gorgeous: I went to Seoul Forest with Girlfriendoseyo and we saw some of the more fantastic fall colours I've seen this year. Girlfriendoseyo says the Fall Colours are not as nice this year as other years, because of the dry summer, but you won't hear me complaining. The Eulalias (the white-headed stalk-plants you'll see blowing in the wind in the video) stood out in white against the vivid fall colours, and we biked all around that area, over to the deer park, and down to the Han River Park on rented bicycles, soaking in the perfect weather and rich sunlight.

Yah, it was nice. One of the most colourful days I've ever spent outside an amusement park.
Here's the slideshow, with the song "Summer Life" by Shaky Hands to accompany.


And here are some pictures so you can feel happy too.
So anyway, if you're in Seoul, get ya butt down to Seoul Forest, THIS WEEK, before the gorgeous leaves fall off the trees.

But you'll have to find your own hottie to accompany you.  Girlfriendoseyo's taken.

P.S.: they have horses.
Below: probably my favourite picture from the day.
And the most colourful: in the Summer, the eulalias are nice, but in the autumn, against the red, orange and yellow, they're spectacular.
Off with ye: get over there.  Ttukseom Station (line 2), exit 8, there's a shuttle bus that goes right to the park entrance, and a bike rental spot right next to the entrance.  You. Have. No. Excuse. Not. To. (if you live in Seoul)

Have any of you heard about this?

Apparently there's some kind of an election coming up, in China or America or Germany or something. . . 

have any of you heard about this?  If it's important (and I think it might be), I wish the media were more on top of things, and did a better job of making sure people got wind of important changes on the world scene.  I mean, especially the Chinese or Americans or Germans or whoever -- they have to vote and stuff.

Anyway, next time around, I hope there's a little more coverage, you know, if it's important and all.  And whoever it is that's having the election (google didn't turn up much), I hope they get out and vote and all.  And that the best candidate (sorry; haven't heard about who they are, or what each of them has to offer) will win.  I'm tired of all the under-coverage in the news these days.  It's frustrating having to try so hard just to find out what's going on.

(ps: dystopian visions of what happens if the wrong party wins)

Update: Here. I think this is what I heard about. Helen Clark vs. John Key on the 8th, for New Zealand's next pope (that's what they have in New Zealand, isn't it?).

The only goal of Korean pop music producers (Banana Girl)

is to create something that will stick in your head like a ballbuster,

and dress it up in as much cute/sexy line-straddling hijinks as they can.

**OK. I should qualify this with saying "often" "sometimes" and "many" instead of "always" "never" and "all". . . but sometimes it seems this way, OK?**

to me, the experience of diving into modern Korean dance/pop music is about tantamount to skipping lunch and eating cotton candy until I'm full instead.

And I swear, there's a musically gifted, sugar-hyper six-year old singing to herself, confined in a music studio basement somewhere who is the inspiration, maybe even the composer, for all these songs.

For your consideration:

Crazy Crazy Crazy, by Banana Girl (note the cute faces, the attempt to start a line-dance craze, and fingers pointing in the air with baby-pink cute smiles)

Here is my running "this is what's going through my head as I watch this video" diary for chocolate, also by Banana Girl. (maybe it's just Banana Girl...)



candy. too cute.
the v sign -- two fingers in the air. getting the cheese on early.

seriously, is this band's target audience four-year olds?

lollipop flowers. . . and then a wiggle dance in a bare-shoulder dress.

ooh. slipped on a bananaa peel. didn't see that coming.

ooh. it can't be a korean mousic video without an attempt to start a dance craze. . . it's like a Freddie Prinze Jr. Movie.

Cartoon mascots. and cotton candy. I swear this video had a six-year-old executive procucer.

the platinum blode wigs are. . . uh...

I wonder how many of these dance crazes people attempt to start, but never catch on. The people at the dance club probably didn't take this one on because they couldn't find enough cartoonishly large lollipops.

holy crap a rodeo machine! only for two seconds.

a candy-cane pole dance and that rodeo machine again. . . so their target audience is four-year old girls and thirty-one year-old men, then. hmmm.

So did hershey sponsor the making of this video?

Wow. There are genres of Korean music I like but dear friends, this ain't it.
I think my hands are shaking.


That was kind of fun.

So, is K-pop getting too sexified? Here's "Kiss Kiss" also by Banana Girls

Again, James Turnbull would be better at discussing the cutsified, lolita-sex appeal of the baby talk, whiny singing, eyelash-batting bicycle-riding kid stuff, balanced against the intensive oral fixation (lollipops, fingers by mouth, a FREAKING CHERRY!), the stick-in-your-head-with-crazy-glue catchiness with those whiny syllables at the end of every line (not just in this song, either)


This sounds very similar to the band/artist I mentioned before explaining why K-pop is sometimes like wading through a swamp of cute, (Lee Hyun Ji) -- any connection between these bands, other than the fact they're like corkscrews in my brain?  It's difficult to explain this kind of pop culture without seeing it, but this is a common form of femininity here, as far as I can tell, and I know some people (not many, but a few) who do (or try to (from time to time at least)) act like these starlets (with varying degrees of success); at the same time, I'm not so much an expert, but I have a feeling a band like this wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of making it in North America, unless they played up the cutesy cheesiness to the level of hardcore fetish, and ended up in some kind of creepy raincoat-flasher target-market niche/asiophile who would have found out about them anyway demographic, kind of like that old Russian teen-lesbian-pop-duo import from 2003, TATU.

All this stuff is way sexier than what one could get away with pulling three years ago, say -- even superduperstar Rain had his song banned for singing about his magic stick!

And this is where I live, dear readers.

So what do you think, readers?  What's the North American culture equivalent to Banana Girl?   And what would happen if Banana Girl decided to tour the states?  The cultural differences that manifest in pop culture fascinate me to no end.