Thursday, June 26, 2008

How important is Education to Koreans, Roboseyo? (my emphasis added)

This important. From the front page of the International Herald Tribune.

An article about a Korean "Cram School" - a school entirely focused on preparing for the University Entrance Exams.

Here, the students are denied everyday teenage items in South Korea. No cellphones, no fashion magazines, no TV, no Internet, no game machines.

Dating, going to concerts, wearing earrings, getting manicures, or simply acting their age - all these are suspended because they are deemed distracting for an overriding goal. Instead, the students cram from 6:30 a.m. to past midnight, seven days a week, in a campus kilometers away from the nearest public transportation, to clear one hurdle that can determine their future - the national college entrance exam.

South Koreans compare their obsessive desire to get their children enrolled in top-notch universities to "a war."

...School background looms large in the life of a South Korean. What university people attend in their 20s can determine their position and salary in their 50s. Top-tier schools like Seoul National, Yonsei and Korea Universities hardly register in the global lists of top schools, but at home, their diplomas pass as a status symbol, a badge of pride both for the students and their parents. On exam day, mothers pray at churches or outside the exam halls.

The life of a South Korean student, from kindergarten to high school, is shaped largely by the quest of doing well in standardized examinations to enter a choice university. That system is often credited with fueling the nation's economic success but is also widely criticized.

When massive anti-government protests shook South Korea in recent weeks, first over President Lee Myung Bak's agreement to import U.S. beef and later over his other policies, many of the demonstrators were teenagers protesting the pressure-cooker conditions at school. Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents.

Lee's trouble started when people accused him of filling many top government posts with people who have ties with his alma mater, Korea University. Still, when he replaced his entire presidential staff this month, all but one of his 10 senior secretaries were graduates from the nation's three best-known universities. When the news media report government appointments, they always highlight the officials' school backgrounds.

It is no surprise that most students in this cram school say they enrolled voluntarily.

(my emphasis added)

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

Among students between 10 and 19, suicide is the second most common cause of death after traffic accidents

(my emphasis added)

sigh.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Weekend pics (stay on till the end) . . . and a story.

I had two interesting classes in the last week: see, I have two free-talk classes, which are the highest level we offer at my school. One of them is what my sister-in-law calls a "clam bake" -- that is, the opposite of a "sausage party," an all-female class. It's actually a wonderful class, and we've had some really lovely conversations about family, woman issues, whatever, as well as a few good laughs.

Well, one of my students came into class all steamed becasue her boyfriend (in very poor form) not just looked at a poster of a hot model in a bikini (which are rife these days, and which, being a guy, I would have defended him for doing -- those posters are specifically designed by advertisers to ensnare us dink-havers into looking, so it's difficult to say he was out of line for that. . . however, he also COMMENTED on it to his girlfriend, which isn't cool -- ogling whilst in the presence of one's girlfriend should ALWAYS be done surreptitiously, if at all.

Well, to balance that gripe out with a laugh, I told a story about a time I was out with girlfriendoseyo:

We were walking by a bus stop, and I spotted, as we approached, one of those long-legged, beskirted sort of specimens that keep some men in Korea way longer than they need to be. . . but I was with girlfriendoseyo, so I thought very specifically, "MUST. . . NOT. . . OGLE!" and focused my gaze with laser-intensity at the pedestrian overpass nearby.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Girlfriendoseyo giving that very same h-h-h-hawttie a big-old up, down, and back up again.

"LeeeEEEEEEeeerrrrrr" would have been the sound-effect, if this were one of those old 1960s Batman TV episodes.

So I turned to her, with a hurt look on my face, and said, "Were you looking at that girl?" Girlfriendoseyo knew she was busted, so she nodded.

"Do you think she's prettier than me?" I said, and made my chin tremble.

We had a good laugh then, and had another good laugh with my all-ladies class, and we started talking about girls checking people out on the street, which is a conversation I've never had before.

(ps: Magnetic Fields is playing as I write this, and they just used the word "unboyfriendable" -- sweeet)

So, anyway, here are the things I learned, and sure, it's only a sample-size of four, so I'm not going to be writing any scholarly papers, but it was interesting nonetheless:

1: Women look at other women more then they look at men, when they're out walking the street. (Usually for the sake of comparison.)

2: In the street, (at least these) women's attention isn't caught so much by a man's looks, as the way he acts: particularly, a women's attention will be caught by a guy who's acting sweetly to his girlfriend. (talk amongst yourselves as to why this might be; for now, it was interesting enough just to learn that)

however

3: When watching TV, women look at the men more than the women. At least these ones did. That was interesting, too.

We theorized as to why that might be, and we came up with this:

Women (to be broad-brushy) are more interested in a man's character (though we all know men are generally more visual); the men seen on TV are generally celebrities that (these) women have seen before -- they get a chance to kind of gather a series of impressions about the men on TV, to get a feeling for what their characters might be like, which makes them more interesting to watch, while the men passing in the street are probably impossible to meet, impossible to get to know, so the mere look of them isn't as interesting.

Anyway, that's what we hypothesized that day. It was a really interesting class, and I learned something about women. Cool.

Next: I had ANOTHER free-talk class which (that day) was all men, and we talked about drinking (may as well throw a proper sausage party, you know?) The two men also REALLY got a kick out of my teaching them the phrase "sausage party". Well, I mentioned how I love Korean drinking culture -- you never see Korean men more friendly and jovial than when you're drinking with them (and if you can somehow dodge being goaded into drinking WAY more than you planned to, it's a fantastic experience). I've argued here before that I'd love to see Kora's drinking culture separated from its business culture, for various reasons (though I'd be sad to see Korea's drinking culture vanish completely).

And one of my students asserted (without any prompting), "I don't like drinking culture as much these days: it seems more extreme, and there's more rudeness and violence in drinking districts than I seem to remember when I was younger." Such a frank admission was really refreshing, and then he followed that up by saying, "But my boss is trying to curb that kind of unhealthy alky-culture: he's encouraging us to be more moderate during office dinners" -- a pair of sentences that filled me up with hope and happiness.

Then we got back to telling hangover stores.


aaaand. . . pictures.

From the Puk'hak expressway, where I went with Girlfriendoseyo (avoid the Italian restaurant at the lookout point there: the service was awful. Not the worse we've EVER experienced, but definitely the second worst. [you have to ask nicely if you want to hear those two stories]):











look at all the colours of green (pics from my flickr account)




. .. a mulberry tree?

The weather on Sunday was the most perfect I think I've ever seen. Just look at that sky.
I climbed Buram mountain with Matt in the morning:


We could see all the way to Gwanaksan (way south of the city) from Buramsan (way north of the city)


And, for good measure, there in Gyungbokgung station. . . a naughty horse from the Shilla Dynasty. I guess we know what was on their minds back then. . .

I didn't realize C&B stood for Cannon and Bells.
Now do I need to include the close-up, for any who doubt what it is?

Yeah. Surprising, unexpected appearances of phalluses occur in Korea from time to time (see here for more)-- you just never know when one will, um, pop up.



Anyway, that night, one more of that cute neighbourhood I walked around with Girlfriendoseyo

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A little more about the Korea Herald Hallyu Circle-Jerk: Final Entry in the Series

[THE HIGH TIDE OF THE KOREAN WAVE(36)] The Korean Wave and Korean-Americans

The epicenter of the Korean Wave was East Asia, but gradually Korean popular culture has reached the shores of other continents as well.
Although its popularity in non-Asian regions is not as pronounced as it has been in East/Southeast Asia, the growing interest in and visibility of Korean popular culture in different parts of the world signifies its emerging position in the global cultural landscape.

In this increasing dissemination of Korean culture, the role of overseas Koreans is noteworthy since they are usually at the center of the consumption of their culture in foreign countries. Before the emergence of the Korean Wave, it was mostly introduced to the local population by Koreans living in other countries.

Since the Korean Wave has grown internationally, overseas Koreans have become crucial forces behind its promotion, as they are probably the most enthusiastic and closest followers of Korean pop culture in most non-Asian countries.

Korean-Americans' role in the spread of the Korean Wave deserves attention. Their residence in the United States, the center of the global pop cultural industry, their close connection with Korea and their extensive travels enable them to effectively take part in trans-Pacific cultural exchanges.

Some of them, including Korean "yuhaksaengs" (students who study abroad), have been creative forces behind the Korean Wave as they became successful pop stars or influential producers in Korea. There have also been indications that they may become effective bridge-builders between the Korean and U.S. entertainment fields. A few Korean-Americans have had promising receptions in Hollywood in recent years.

Since the United States is the most coveted market for ambitious Korean entertainers and production companies, Korean-Americans' success and their potential mediating power in Hollywood are considered significant. Let us focus on their roles as consumers, disseminators and creators, and discuss how Korean-Americans have been involved in the trans-Pacific flow of Korean pop culture and what that means to the pop culture world.

It is common for immigrants to make an effort to retain their heritage. Often they consume news and cultural products from their countries of origin. Hence, long before the emergence of the Korean Wave in Asia, Korean-Americans had extensively enjoyed Korean pop culture, at least in metropolitan areas where access to it was relatively easy.

Ethnic media including TV, radio and newspapers, as well as ethnic video stores, proliferated in big cities where Korean-Americans have been concentrated and provided a variety of cultural information from Korea on a daily basis. In this sense, Korean-Americans' consumption of Korean pop culture is not a new phenomenon.

However, the success of the Korean Wave attracted new groups of Korean-American followers (such as the U.S.-born young Korean-Americans who previously showed little interest) and facilitated the circulation of Korean pop culture beyond the boundaries of ethnic Korean-American communities.

Their consumption is related to several factors. The first is the increasing availability of Korean pop cultural products and the amazing speed of information sharing. As mentioned earlier, in U.S. metropolises a variety of ethnic media is available depending on the region and the size of the ethnic media market. In addition, various ethnic businesses such as ethnic video rental shops, bookstores, and different types of ethnic cultural spaces (including cafes, clubs, clothing stores, hair salons, etc.) contribute to Korean-Americans' easy and extended access to "homeland" popular culture.

Then there is the internet, which offers completely new possibilities. Through the internet, simultaneous and interactive consumption of pop culture has become possible. For instance, some Korean-Americans consult with their friends and family in Korea for their selection of pop cultural products through online communication and are actively involved in cultural spheres through their online interaction. (Many young Korean yuhaksaengs have blogs or home pages on the Web, which are important sources of transnational connections and cultural flow. They also tend to actively participate in various online communities.)

Information is shared at the speed of a click, and the delayed cultural gap caused by time lag is a matter of the past for the internet generation. Korean-Americans who are not familiar with the internet may still rely on traditional sources, such as ethnic TV or newspapers. Yet the speed of information transmitted by those media has also accelerated, so they are not far behind in getting the latest news from Korea, either.

Second, the development of communication technology and transportation has reduced the distance between Korea and Korean-Americans not only in a physical, but also a psychological sense. Visiting Korea has become much easier than ever before and contacts with family and friends in Korea have increased significantly through phone calls, online chatting, and home page postings, as well as actual visits.

Thus, despite geographical separation, Korean-Americans and Koreans have multiple means of reducing the gap. The common cultural references created by the shared consumption of Korean pop culture across borders provides a foundation on which they can construct a sense of a transnational community.

Third, for some Korean-Americans, their consumption of Korean pop culture is related to their search for an identity and a community. As minorities, many Korean-Americans experience a sense of marginalization. Even those born and raised in the United States often feel that they lack full-fledged cultural citizenship in the United States.

Moreover, it is difficult for Asian-Americans (including Korean-Americans) to find a positive role model in the "mainstream" U.S. media because Asian-Americans have long been almost non-existent or portrayed stereotypically. In this light, Korean popular culture could provide them with a way to learn about their heritage and, to some extent, a reference base on which they could build a sense of identity and belonging.

Korean-Americans also take an important part in the dissemination of cultural information and products across the Pacific. For example, ethnic Korean TV channels, which are mainly geared toward Korean-Americans, unwittingly attracted non-Korean viewers. Indeed, when the Korean Wave became a phenomenon in Asia, the programs became important sources for curious viewers to get a taste of Korean pop culture.

Moreover, at school or at work, Korean-Americans expose their friends, classmates and co-workers to Korean culture. Among the younger generation, in particular, the dissemination of cultural information is a natural and widespread practice, so young Korean-Americans and yuhaksaengs are pivotal in the spreading of Korean pop culture among American youths.

The main groups of people who show interest in Korean pop culture are usually other Asian-Americans. Like many Korean-American youths who are knowledgeable of Korean pop culture, many young Asian-Americans are also well-informed of what is going on in their countries of origin.

If the Korean Wave has been big in their countries of origin, Asian-Americans youths tend to develop interest in Korean pop culture through their transnational connections and sometimes seek information from their Korean-American friends. Hence, the popularity of the Korean Wave in Asia is transmitted to the United States through transnational Korean/ Asian populations.

Korean-Americans' dissemination of cultural information and products does not flow only one way, however. They also disseminate American pop culture to Korea - from food to even drugs. In particular, the yuhaksaeng and their family members (especially mothers) play a key role in the trans-Pacific cultural flow because they are truly "footloose" transnationals who frequently cross national and cultural borders.

The role of overseas Koreans as creators is not as clear-cut as their roles as consumers and disseminators. One the one hand, it is undeniable that Korean-Americans have been crucial creative forces at least in certain genres of Korean pop culture. On the other hand, it is arguable whether their contribution to and role in Korean pop culture is truly creative rather than merely an interpretation and dissemination of U.S. (to some extent, Western) pop culture.

Since the 1990s, Korean-Americans and yuhaksaengs have left remarkable footprints in Korean pop music. R&B, hip-hop and rap were either introduced to or popularized in Korea by Korean-American musicians starting in the mid-1990s, and many Korean-American and yuhaksaeng musicians have been the leading voices in those genres ever since.

The limited opportunities Asian-American musicians face in the U.S. pop music industry, combined with the Korean music industries' active recruitment of Korean-Americans (they are viewed to be more familiar with the previously-mentioned genres), resulted in their proliferation, especially in groups such as H.O.T., G.O.D., Drunken Tiger, Shinwha, and S.E.S., just to name a few.

Solo acts such as J, Lee Hyun-woo, Lee Jung-hyun and Crown J are also from the United States. Additionally, transnational Koreans educated in American institutions or strongly influenced by the American music style have played a crucial role in the construction of Korean music trends. Seo Tae Ji and Boys, Cho Pd and Psy belong to this group.

Moreover, some aspiring actors and actresses who face serious obstacles in the United States due to the lack of opportunities and role models for them have headed for Korea and become successful. Some even gained international fame in Asia due to the Korean Wave.

They have then utilized their success in Korea/Asia as a stepping stone to enter the U.S. market as a Korean or an Asian star. Kim Yunjin, who appears in American TV series Lost is a good example of this.

As these examples demonstrate, Korean-Americans have played an important part in the making of contemporary Korean popular culture. However, if we ask whether they are truly creative agents of Korean pop culture, the answer is somewhat dubious because, thus far, what they have done is not too far from disseminating information (for example, hip-hop and rap) from the United States to Korea.

They largely remain students or imitators of Western artists in the same genre instead of independent artists with their own voices and styles. Of course, this maturation will take time and it will be interesting to see if they can come up with innovative cultural products. Until that is accomplished, the evaluation of Korean-Americans' creative role in the Korean Wave remains open-ended.

Korean-Americans and other Asian-Americans have long tried to establish their niche in the U.S. cultural scene. In recent years, such efforts came to partial fruition as the visibility of Asian-Americans and the representation of their own voices, based on their unique experiences and heritage, began to improve. The U.S. media's increased featuring of Asian-Americans is partly related to domestic changes such as multiculturalism and the increased purchasing and cultural power of Asian-Americans.

Perhaps more importantly, the media conglomerates' interest in the Asian market, the hottest media market in the world in terms of its potential and size, propelled the increasing presence of Asian/Asian American entertainers.

The interest also facilitated Hollywood studios' selection and appropriation of Asian themes. They shot films on Asian locations, added more Asian characters (though many of them still stereotypical), and even remade successful Asian films and texts (including animation and comic books).

Asian and Asian American stars are hired as lead characters in movies because of their marketability in Asia and beyond. In this environment, Korean/Korean-Americans actors, actresses and other cultural workers have increasing opportunities to expand their horizons in the United States and eventually in the world market. Yunjin Kim, Rick and Karl Yune and John Cho are just some names with whom U.S. audiences have become familiar. In Wolverine, the upcoming X-men spin-off film, Daniel Henney will test his luck in the U.S. market as well. Then there is Rain (Bi), whose Hollywood film was recently released and another is in the making. In the fashion world, too, a growing number of Korean/Korean-American designers have begun to attract the mainstream fashion industries' attention (take Doo-Ri Chung, for example).

The door has opened, although still only for a selected few. But such a possibility is a crucial one, and how this opportunity is seized and how the momentum can be developed into a system of reliable networks could determine whether more Korean/Korean-American faces and voices can be represented in the global media.

Of course, the success of individual entertainers is not equivalent to the success of Korean pop culture. It is possible that they could become mere tools for Hollywood to more effectively sell its products to Korea and Asia. At the same time, however, it is true that they have great potential to become significant bridge-builders and cultural agents between Korea and the United States (and the East and the West) and even creators of global pop culture.

Considering the fact that we are living in a transformative time in which Western cultural hegemony continues to linger, but, simultaneously, local/regional cultures' power and influence are growing, their potential is indeed quite great. If this potential materialized, Korean/ Korean-Americans may contribute to the spread and development of the Korean Wave in a new way.

By Park Jung-sun



2008.06.20

Let's not get TOO down on Korea.

Before we get too down on Korea's media for this mad beef mess. . .

Yeah, PD Diary's staring down the barrel of a legal investigation for its arguably slanderous reporting on American Beef. . .

but they got nothing on this guy.

Journalist in Macedonia charged with committing murders he wrote about

from the International Herald Tribune

"A Macedonian journalist has been charged with murdering two elderly women — crimes he wrote about for his newspaper — and police said Sunday they were investigating his possible involvement in a third death.
. . .Police began to suspect Taneski, 56, after reading his articles about the crimes in the national daily Utrinski Vesnik and noticing details that had not been released to the public"


This is where I'd put some flip comment or wisecrack, but what an awful story! I don't think I can bring myself to make light of it.

Now go watch some silly commercials (next post) to cheer yourself up.

Monday, June 23, 2008

More goofy Korean ads

This one features the lovely "Go Ara" - acting like a baby



This one. . . I don't really know WHAT to say about it


and its partner



except that it resembles this screensaver that James Turnbull showed me, which is ridiculously, awesomely, addictively random.

and they match this one (posted before) for sheer weirdness.


meanwhile, on a bet to see whether sex really can sell anything, next proof:

gas heaters! (this company had a big promotion smack in the middle of insadong for about four months in spring, playing that ad and the "making of the sexy gas heater ad" video on constant loop, along with a person dressed up as the robot walking around while some poor schmoe followed it with a stereo around his neck playing that awful, stuck-in-your-head-like-a-burr song, also on constant loop. (James Turnbull on 'why do they have 'making of the ad' ads going around?)


And the classic: "Let's get a really hot star to act like a total infant" ad (note especially the awful English "everyday new face" at the very end)

and in case you doubt her hotttness credentials after that atrocity:

(link: this one got banned. Not nude or anything, but sweaty and suggestive. Follow the link if you want. Perv.)

17 tea: she's talking about good health here


another for 17 tea. . . what this has to do with tea, I don't know, but I wanna buy some.


But this one's my favourite of the day: from mongdori (see sidebar), this is an ad for raspberry wine, and it makes me laugh every time I see it --


the "intentionally silly deadpan delivery" thing is kind of new in Korea, and a welcome change if it catches on, considering it's a layer more subtle than what passes for comedy these days: (from a game show)


(from a movie. I think 70% of Korean movies are either gangster films or sex comedies. I'm waiting for a gangster sex comedy to come out and make the entire Korean movie industry implode)

boy, living here is fun!


(oops; almost forgot the reason I started this post:)

by the way. . .
the. greatest. korean. ad. ever. (from about 2006)

that dance was imitated for two years by my kindergarten students, and every time that song by the Pussycat Dolls came on in a club, I cracked up the dance floor with the "Don'Cha" dance, for a good six months. Pure joy.


(update: brian: is this the weird hajiwon commercial you wanted? It's the oddest one I found)


she says bang bang in this one. That's almost the same.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Great news:

I got a digital camera!

Now, you can see me expose my hairy chest and leer wantonly in crystal clear focus! Isn't this picture WONDERFUL?
(photos from my newly opened flickr page.)

(uh, that is, the clarity and stuff. Sorry my belly button isn't quite Lee Hyoris (from here)


The crappy cameraphone images will not disappear entirely, fear not: I have a bunch I took that are still waiting for their turn in the sun, and doubtless there will be times when I forgot my camera at home, but see something that must be shutterbugged -- but at least now, when I go somewhere cool, I'll bring my camera along, and give you some nicer eye candy than I have up until now.

Along the pukhaksan expressway (I think it's called) -- the sky was so gorgeous today, I just wanted to be outside all day. The weather was a dream, from morning (climbed Buramsan with Matt) to night (wandered around the Anguk area with Girlfriendoseyo.)




I love swirls in lattes.

Changdeokgung from the side.


a little villa behind/beside changdeokgung is full of fantastic old hanok houses.



Neighbourhoods like this are the perfect stroll-venue at night.


(near changdeokgung)

Friday, June 20, 2008

To Korean shop clerks selling to Western customers:

If you follow us around at a distance of closer than two and a half meters, and smile expectantly each time we glance over at you to determine, "Is she still following me?"

You actually decrease your chance of making a sale.

Just thought you'd like to know.

(p.s.: and if you watch my every move, it makes me feel like you suspect me of shoplifting. . . another detriment to your closing percentage.)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

An Illustrated, solipsistic riddle: What do you get when...

'cause I can't do social commentary all the time, and what's a blog without a few off-colour innuendoes from time to time?

What do you get when you cross Bono and A Clockwork Orange?




Roboseyo getting his teeth whitened.

Before

AfterPretty dramatic difference, eh? I'm thinking about starting to smoke, just so next time, the change will be even clearer.

The dentist was also pleased: she'd just started a new clinic, and was still trying out all her shiny new equipment, and was quite impressed with the result.

While I'm being narcissistic anyway. . . I also got a haircut.

Haircuts are always an adventure in Korea, because Korean stylists (outside of Itaewon) don't run into naturally curly hair very often, and some of them really have NO idea what to do with it. This guy thought a blow-dryer would be the best way to finish off my cut.

Not. Quite.


Once more, for fun, after he tried to save it with a spritzer:
Later, in the bathroom, I got my hands cupped full of water and used my fingers, the way you're supposed to handle curls this length.
Those short and curlies look MUCH better now. ;)

After I got a chance to shower, I could do it up proper, as you can see in this cleverly framed nude picture.Hope that wasn't too shocking for you.

-roboseyo

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Props to Tiger Woods, and why I think people love sports

Soundtrack time: Eye of the Tiger, from Rocky III

by Survivor. Hit play and start reading.

Congrats to Tiger Woods, playing in visible pain (still recovering from knee surgery) to win the U.S. Open (more video after link), in a sudden death playoff: the regular 72 holes weren't enough, the next 18 on the playoff round wasn't enough, on the 91st hole, on a gimpy knee, Tiger finally finished off his upstart rival, Rocco Mediate. This was Tiger's ugliest, but also his most beautiful major. He had so many bogeys and double-bogeys that he got behind during the front nine of just about every round, but then pulled so many beauties like this one out of his hat to catch up again on the back nines:

This, to me, was the shot that won it -- somehow, despite ALL the strokes played, these golf tournaments still seem to turn on some one, unforgettable shot.

It hit the flag and went in.

Tiger has the eye of the tiger (bwahahaha) -- that smell for the jugular, like I've rarely seen (Michael Jordan. . .who else, really? Roger Federer)? He finishes. Period. Wills his knee to hold up, and gives us shots like the one above.

But jeez, Roboseyo, isn't this a Korea blog? I mean, why are you writing about sports?

Actually, while it's often a Korea blog, in the end, it's my blog, so I'll write about what I darn well please. Today, I'm impressed by Mr. Woods.

Some of my friends don't understand why I follow sports and watch highlights, go down to Rocky Mountain Tavern and watch hockey games, care at all about what a bunch of muscleheads get paid gajillions of dollars a year to do. Well, first, they're not ALL muscleheads, but even if they are, who cares? If you want somebody who says clever stuff on video, watch a stand-up comic, not a hockey game. If you want witty words, read me, instead. . . though Steve Nash is funny (wait for it: 42 seconds in)


For one thing:

Sports never asks more of you than you're willing to give. Somehow blogspot ate this part of my post twice, so I'm only giving you the summary now, but believe me, the first two tries were pretty darn funny -- maybe my best writing ever! Seriously!

If I get involved with women's rights, or saving the environment, there might come a point where doing what I feel is right might not be convenient any more -- heck, what if I feel it's my moral imperative to turn into this guy? Sports is the perfect vent for my bottled-up passion, because it will NEVER ask me to go farther than I want -- buying the jersey won't necessarily force me to eventually go in for the season tickets, too. In the meantime, I'm more fun at parties, arguing about Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning, A-Rod vs. Albert Pujols, and whether I'd want to build my team around Sidney Crosby or Dion Phaneuf, while the "sponsor acres of rainforest. . . think about the children" guy makes everyone feel guilty. That makes sports a perfect partner.

Reason 2:

Your average newscast:

6:00pm: begin.
rape
death
corruption
disaster
robbery
corrupt politicians
economic uncertainty
other sad stuff
something about somebody's puppy (human interest story)
death
rape
corruption
disaster
sports:
HOLY CRAP,GUYS! LOOK AT WHAT THIS GUY DID!!! That was AWESOME!


I remember watching Dwayne Wade score that basket, back in 2005 and thinking "that's it. It's only the semi-finals, but that dude already won the championship, right there." Three weeks later, I was right.

Watching something amazing is sure a lot easier than digging the downers in the rest of the news, and dude, you NEVER KNOW when something brilliant might happen -- you turn on the TV, and you just don't know whether it's going to be a dull, dreary game, or a wild shootout that ends in quadruple overtime, or a no-hitter, or a historic record-setter -- that's the tease of sports. And if you bought tickets, it might just be another workmanlike win, loss, or tie for the home-team. . . but you might see something like Lebron scoring 29 points in a row for his team to break the will of the Detroit Pistons in last year's playoffs:



and be able, for the rest of your life, to say "I was there. I was at King James' Coronation Game." "I saw Babe Ruth's called shot." "I saw Manning to Tyree"
(superbowl 42)


"I saw Willy Mays make 'The Catch'" "I saw Tiger win the 2005 Masters on the 17th hole":



(with apologies to Billy Shakespeare)
And mild-sports-fans in houses now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That cheered with us upon Air Jordan's day.



That tease hooks you in more -- you watch more, to see something like that again. Humans are incredible, and what they can do is incredible, and sports packages that wonderful potential in a way you can see from your couch -- it's hard to gasp in wonder at specs on a new hybrid engine; it's much easier to see "Michael Jordan just jumps higher". (Yes, there are a lot of basketball highlights on here, just because in my opinion, basketball highlights are possibly the most fun to watch on youtube. Hockey's second. Soccer and Golf, (surprisingly), tie for third, and American football and baseball are just a little above car-racing. In my opinion.)

Sports gives us the chance to see something incredible, and to participate along with vast numbers of people seeing the same thing. Plus...
(an old MJ ad)


There are other reasons sports captivate us -- the collective experience is also significant -- I've met nary a Canadian who hasn't watched this game, for example:



You know the one. . .

And sure, there's bad stuff about sports -- it's sad when corruption, doping, or crimes by players dominate sports pages -- but joy this pure, shared with fifty-thousand people (Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees, Game 5, David Ortiz's walkoff hit) is hard to find. Twelve years later, anybody who was at that game might still share a giggle of glee, remembering that moment. What else can do that for two total strangers?



More fun than reading alone.

this never happens when you're reading:



(though this might: from Araby - maybe the most perfect short story I've ever read)

We waited to see whether she would remain or go in and, if she remained, we left our shadow and walked up to Mangan's steps resignedly. She was waiting for us, her figure defined by the light from the half-opened door. Her brother always teased her before he obeyed, and I stood by the railings looking at her. Her dress swung as she moved her body, and the soft rope of her hair tossed from side to side.


Back on topic, then:
Finally, sports are hopeful:

Every season, every team has a shot at winning. Unlike in the real world, where America positioning itself during 1900-1950 led to a ridiculous run of world dominance where nobody's had a chance at challenging for fifty years, in sports, in October, every Hockey Team has an equal 0-0-0 record, and (technically) a shot at the championship. This is different from the real world, where a new filmmaker trying to take on Disney, or a new programmer gunning for Microsoft has a ten, fifty, or hundred-game deficit before the first game of the season is even played. That's comforting: there's always next year, you know? Sports are ever-renewing, and that's nice. Even if the Leafs blew last season, they might just turn it around this season. Who can say?

That's why it's fun to watch. Not important. But fun.


(Update: by the way, in case it wasn't impressive enough already, here's an article about just how hurt Tiger was when he played.)

ack.

the computer ate half the text of a post I just wrote about sports. . . friggin' twice.

i'm pretty choked.

until I can bring it back. . .

1. Livewithpassion: I'm serious, if you're still around, contact me at the e-mail address on the sidebar. I'd like to discuss something with you.

2. Need a new computer. And a new watch. Thinking about digital cameras, too. Gonna be an expensive month. Maybe I'll save the mp3 player for next month.