Friday, 6 June 2008

How to Make YOUR American Beef Safe!

Subliminal soundtrack time. . . hit play and start reading.
Banditos, by The Refreshments

I have good news for all my Korean friends, and even concerned citizens in America.

See, after I got home from a lovely date with girlfriendoseyo, and a delightful walk through all the friendly protestors offering me red signs, and walking like docile cattle through the winding streets around Gwanghwamun, I checked my e-mail.

I got an e-mail from an actual, real scientist. . . I forget his name because I was so excited that I deleted the e-mail without thinking after I read it, but he went to Harbard or something, I swear, and here's, like, totally the best news I've ever heard, and it's absolutely totally true, because a real, actual scientist from Harbard told me.

He says that I don't have to worry about Mad Cow disease, because kimchi makes you immune to it! He said Kimchi's special combination of garlic, han, spicy chili, and jung kills the prions that cause Mad Cow, and he showed me some serious, like really actually real science that totally proves it's true. Here it is: see!

That totally proves it! If you don't want to catch Mad Cow Disease from American Beef, all you have to do is eat it with kimchi, and the kimchi will kill the prions!

Here. For those not well versed in the real, hard science above, I'll put it in simpler terms, too, so that all your worries can disappear like a bad memory:

(mad cow)(plus)

(healthy cow)

(happy, safe, beefeating children) (from

Remember to forward this good news to everyone on your contact list
it's your patriotic duty for public health!

And breathe a sigh of relief: it's safe to be a beefeater again.

In the afternoon, all of Sejongro was blocked off by "chicken cage" buses loaded with riot police. The atmosphere was kind of like one of those early evening aqua-skies where you just know it's gonna rain like a banshee later that night.

I walked around the protest today, and it was weird. It was the happiest protest I've ever seen. People were sitting in circles, holding candles, playing chanting games like "sam-yuk-gu" together, people brought their kids. . . and there were lines of buses and hundreds of riot police lined up, waiting for stuff to get out of hand. Absolutely surreal.

They set it up so that it looks like Admiral Lee Sunshin is on the side of the police.

p.s.: New definition of Irony:
Mad Cow beef protestor taking a break from shouting slogans, for a nice, relaxing cigarette.

p.p.s: It's not a protest if you can/want to bring your kids. Sorry, that's the rule. What with the marching and the candles, the event this reminded me of the most was actually the Buddha's Birthday Lantern Parade, not any of the protests I've seen. Korea is really completely off its rocker sparkling and interesting these days.
So just make sure you eat your beef with Kimchi, and you'll be fine! I swear! It's science! Science is true!

Thanks, IReallyDoLikeKimchi, and Mississippi to Korea, for the link love.


Anonymous said...

I love your funny but somewhat brilliant writing. It is the best blog writing I've ever read recently. Not only does it farily represent the political scene happening in Seoul right now, but it also satirizes the issue iteslf. There is no hard science in this issue.

Roboseyo said...

:) glad you liked it.

Have a great day.