Three E-mails I've received on the Complaining Expat topic

As well as a few comments I'd like to highlight:

The e-mails:

Quoted with permission from a non-blogger:

A private comment about your post on expats.

"we Westerners (who, at least among North Americans, have been programmed by movies and stories to go against the grain, and to prefer being right and alone over being wrong with the crowd), might start to push against the flood of Kimcheerleading with a bit of counter-balancing negativity, just so there’s a conversation."

One of the things that has always amused me about Americans is how polarized they are. It seems to be embedded firmly into the way their political, economic, legal and social structures work. And they hate each other. Conservatives loathe liberals, etc. [on the Marmot's hole, too,] It seems to be mainly American expats and American-Koreans who give each other the hardest time and take the most extreme views (there are exceptions and the odd Aussie).

I'd like to think that it was just an American thing but I have to admit it is slowly spreading to the rest of the world. Richard Dawkins is British (I agree with a lot he says but not the way he goes about saying it) and Denmark is becoming increasingly polarized...

Here's something you might find interesting for your study of expats in Korea. There is this forum called http://forum.rokfootball.com/ devoted to soccer in Korea. It's in English and most of the posters are expats (there's the odd Korean). There's virtually no complaining about Korea there, no trolls (the closest they have to a troll is me) and most people are genuinely interested in and supportive of Korea.

Now I can think of three possible reasons for this. Firstly, it's a special interest forum and people don't feel it's the right place to air their Korea-grievances. Secondly, there are very few American commenters (there's the odd Canadian but most of the regulars are European or Kiwis). And thirdly, everybody there has a hobby interest that allows them to both identify with their home country and identify with Korea. They bring their interest in football with them when they arrive. It's not like taking up hapkido or the gayageum, but Korean football is still very...Korean!

Perhaps if more expats had something like football that they could identify with they wouldn't find it so tough."

-- this fits nicely with Gord Sellar's discussion on "the expattes complainte," where he, too, argues that to keep positive, it's very important to get out of the house.

Hey bud.

go climb a mountain.

from a contact who's been in Korea for about as long as I have (five years) - shortened for length and personal information, but otherwise unedited:

I've read yours, The Korean's, Gord's and the others. You guys seem to have covered the bases on that one. And you all are a lot nicer on the expat complainers than I am. Nonetheless, I wouldn't limit it to online experiences. There were people that I met in person who really weren't equipped with that filter many of us have on what was appropriate or inappropriate to say. There was one guy who was new to the country and sounded like he knew everything about Korea and bitched about this "fucking country" every time I saw him--constantly. He had nothing else to talk about. Then we'd leave the bar, trying to shake him, and he'd follow us. Saw a Korean go by with an Engrish t-shirt, rudely stopped her, and laughed in her face because of her t-shirt. I had to apologize to this person for this fuck's behavior.

[picture added by Roboseyo]

[end editorial comment]

Anyway, you guys are being too nice and maybe too analytical. A lot of these guys are losers and people with social functionality problems. They have trouble coping with social situations in their home environments and think things would change when they went overseas, thinking it wasn't their own inadequacies that made people hate them.

Having said that, the analogy of the waiter who smiles all day and then bitches after hours at the bar is spot on.

- [Name]

Gord Sellar's response to my initial "hey, I'm writing about this. . . wanna weigh in?" opened by coining a new word for bloggers working together: "Synerdy," expressed a hope that this will start an interesting conversation online (which I think it has), and also wished there was a way to get some of the well-known Korean language bloggers involved in this funny puzzle of each side's perception of the other. I hope that happens, too.



Another person I'd contacted, whose views I respect a lot, pointed out the sheer scope of the actual question:

On complaining expats:

"I don't think expats in Korea complain any more than in any other countries, even amongst the newbies that are the bulk of them, and doubt I'd be convinced otherwise unless it was argued by someone with extensive experience of travelling and of living overseas in a wide variety of countries. Other than the discussion boards of Dave's Esl Cafe, hardly representative, I see little evidence for expats complaining excessively."

and in a follow-up e-mail, expanding on the idea that some sites and forums seem to get a lot of trolls, this person also noticed that longer, denser posts usually don't get as many trolls, while shorter posts about current events seem to be the ones where the militant k-bashers and k-defenders start grinding their axes.

Food for thought from comment boards:


On my own comment board, Sonagi suggests:

By reading comments at [a wide variety of] different forums, using sorts like most rec'd, and reading longer posts in which commenters explain their thinking, one can get a cross-section of opinions about an event or issue.

doggyji said...



I think it is essential to learn to speak fluent Korean to be the ultimate critic. Maybe you should put one more category for the social critic type. The one who has acquired full Korean language skills, has all the first-hand access to information in Korean and is able to directly interact with Koreans in everyday life.

the very well-travelled Eujin said...

Firstly, I think if you write a well-mannered, thoughtful (and lengthy) piece you're unlikely to attract the attention of the type of people you really want to hear from. It will be interesting to see how many comments you get from people who identify with one of the above categories. We all know who they are.

Secondly, I'm not buying the language lock-out reasoning. I used to work with a lot of expats in London (Americans, Aussies, French...they were there for the money, not for the lifestyle) and they whinged with the best of them.

I don't know why people moan on the internet. I also don't know why people bother arguing with people they don't respect.



from Lunalil

Living here has crystallized my self-perception. Although I’ve always had a strong sense of “Who I am”, I always felt there was something missing that I couldn’t quite verbalize.

Soon after I came to Korea I realized what that missing thing was. I had never really understood my cultural identity (being a white-something from America is pretty generic despite what you may read on Stuff White People Like). Living in Korea forced me to not only realize my cultural identity, but do it while trying to cope with a culture that was radically different in every way. That’s culture shock for you.

People don’t talk about the shock of suddenly coming into awareness of that part your identity when they talk about culture shock. For me it was like having the wind knocked out of you, a big punch of “so this is what it means to be American culturally”, after which I felt silly for having previously considered myself an open-minded, self-aware, and educated person.
I think that the truth is you can’t really judge how open-minded or self-aware you are until you are immersed in a culture that is foreign, preferably a culture that is VERY foreign. Maybe even more than one culture.

Note that I stressed immersed, I don’t think traveling results in the kind of culture shock needed to shock your brain… Travel is certainly helpful and mind-stretching but I didn’t learn the same things traveling in other countries as I have living in Korea. Maybe it’s just me.

from foreign/er joy

Let's face it, sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the world. Especially if that world doesn't even have grass and is all covered in cement and cigarette butts.

Joy also says, here,

"I just hope I am always the forgiving expat who doesn't take Korea stuff personally."

a commenter at Gord Sellar says complaining about Korea for expats is a bit like people back home gossiping about their neighbours.
"Did you hear Tom did X yesterday!"
"Did you hear the nationalists did X yesterday!"

[update/correction: the commenter was actually talking about gaijin (foreigners) in Japan, talking about Japan the way neighbours at home talk about the other neighbours -- I wrote this post in a bit of a rush, and in my haste, skipped a few details on the context of this one. My bad.]

On the same comment board, Gord and I discuss the fact that, while it's important to get out of the house, there aren't as many hobby options here, because of language limitations, and the number of us being small enough that many niches (for example, the Star Trek Fanfic Writer's Workshop) don't quite have enough people here to reach a critical mass and form a group. Really, you should read that whole comment board: I don't know how Gord manages to get such cool people to comment on his posts.

from Ireallydolikekimchi's post:

In speaking of culture I don't believe there is a right and a wrong. I don't believe one culture is better than another. Culture just is. People in Korea eat kimchi, wear disguises in the summer to protect themselves from the sun, speak Korean, and drive like maniacs. Is this good or bad? I don't think you can put a judgement on this. (Well, maybe we can judge the driving.) It just is. I have to accept what I cannot change. And, yes, this is where the Serenity Prayer gets inserted. In my experience those who complain the loudest are those who cannot accept the way things are. As an expat, it's not up to me to create any change in a culture not my own. The Koreans are the ones doing the change as they see fit. And as has been noted elsewhere, Korea is changing rapidly.

At the Marmot's Hole, Granfallon muses,

One question for you both: I sometimes wonder if Korea’s emphasis on grouping and exclusivity contributes to expat complainers. Koreans, even at their friendliest, still draw a very obvious line in the sand when it comes to dealing with foreigners: “You can live here, but you’ll never be one of us.” Does this contribute towards making an oppositional expat identity? It sounds like I’m blaming Koreans for the stupid things expats say and do, which is kinda asinine. Still, can’t help but wonder.

SeeF, also at the Marmot, says,

I mean, bring up the word “beef” and “ESL” - Marmot gets 50+ comments yet on thoughtful, NON-argumentative posts that encourage actual - I dunno, THINKING - . . . go ignored by some of the most frequent (and coincidentally, usually the most vocal and vitriolic) commenters on this site. Ironic. Sadly, I think this shows that the people who need to read this set of articles the most are the ones who aren’t.

slim at the Marmot:

I found Korea a mostly fun and fascinating place to live during my 5+ years there (1987-89 and 2001-4) while occasionally carping about certain things, like lawless driving, trade protectionism and the resulting high prices, and effusive jingoism.
What troubles me now, from a distance, is the huge and glaring “integrity deficit” I see in all of Korea’s key institutions: the media, political and religious groups, unions and corporations.

Marmite Michael:

Here’s my two won:
I’m pretty consistent in my complaints about Korea–I want Koreans to make their society better for themselves, not for the perceived status of being an “advanced nation” in the eyes of others.

at Ask A Korean,
nathan said...
Why do expats complain so much? What else are we supposed to do, reflect on our own shortcomings and cultural limitations, grow as human beings and then apply the lessons learned abroad to our understanding of our own lives and home countries? Ha! As if.


Just thought I'd throw those into the mix.