I'm gonna spoil Inception for you.

OK, readers, I'm about to spoil a movie for you.  Not spoil like, "give away the ending" but spoil like "once you realize this, you can't look at the movie the same way again" spoil -- not in the "HE's Keyser Soze" way, but in the "How did Fezzik find out Count Rugen was the six-fingered man?  He didn't talk to Wesley after Wesley was captured" way.

In the same way that the best criticism I heard of Harry Potter came out of left field and surprised me with the perceptiveness of the comment, Wifeoseyo just pulled a tiny thread and made the movie Inception unravel for me.

See, I met this lady who didn't let her kids read Harry Potter... but not because Harry Potter was the devil recruiting her kids to witchcraft, but because Harry was a bad role model: one of the overarching themes of the books (especially the early ones) was "Kids usually know better than adults, and adults are not to be trusted, and rules made by adults are to be circumvented or ignored whenever it seems best to kids to do so."  Think about how often Harry doesn't tell Dumbledore about something that he should have, given that Dumbledore was above reproach and always did right by Harry, given that Harry always trusted him when he thought explicitly about him, and how Dumbledore always proved trustworthy.  Yet Harry lied or concealed all kinds of stuff from Dumbledore, McGonagall, and all the other teachers.  This mom didn't like the spirit of disrespect, mistrust, and disobedience for adults embedded in the books. And she was right.  And that message was subtler, and therefore harder to de-program, if kids picked it up.

I was totally unprepared for her critique, but she was bang on, and as the series continued, Harry started concealing or lying to his friends as well, to the point that by the seventh book, he was one of the most unlikeable heroes I've read in a book.  Say what you want, but the heroes of the Narnia books, and especially Lyra and Will in the "His Dark Materials" trilogy by Philip Pullman, are miles more likable than our man HP.

So what about Inception?

Well, yeah, the story was subtle and cool.  The effects were great.  The levels and the themes were nifty and I'm sure I could watch it three more times and get more from it each time.  DiCaprio remains my favorite actor of his generation (that's the post-Johnny Depp generation, as Depp is in a class of his own), and I still think that in thirty years, Depp/DiCaprio will be the Pacino/DeNiro of our generation, unless Robert Downey Jr. has a run of brilliance like Tom Hanks had in the '90s.  Then somebody will come along and say, "Streep" and everybody will go, "Oh yeah.  She owns them all.  Plus, we're sexist."

But here's the thing that undid Inception for me, and that won't get out of my head now that I realized it.  And now I'm going to wreck it for you, too:

Wifeoseyo commented, offhand, that she really got annoyed by all the gunplay in the movie.  This is surprisingly similar to something my mother would say: she'd tune out and usually fall asleep, at the first gunfight, no matter how good the movie was.  (And then snore during the most crucial scene, to the exasperation/delight of everyone in the family.)

But then I thought more about it, and realized...

Holy crap, Inception presented one of the biggest lost opportunities in a movie, like, ever.

See, we're in a dream world.  a dream world and the most imaginative protection one's subconscious can come up with is people with guns?  In a freaking dream world?  Come-freaking-ON!

Christopher Nolan sets his movie -- makes the whole point of his movie that it happens in the subconscious -- and then the best he can come up with is people with guns?

Where's my Matrix-anti-gravity moon-boot action?  It's a dream after all, isn't it?  Why would I bring a gun into someone's dream world, when instead I could turn my arms into giant steel octopus arms, or grow myself fifty feet tall and get my stomp on, or spray psychic mind-beams all over the landscape?  Why wasn't a single one of the five dream layers defended by giant robot ninja hedgehogs with rocket-claws and laser eyes and invisibility power?  At the very least, why weren't the dark corners of these dream cities and hotels hiding ghouls and bogeymen and spiders and kidnappers and whatever else lurked in the dreamers' nightmares?

The more I think about it, the more disappointing the gunplay becomes, and the more cheated I feel.  Christopher Nolan set an entire movie in dreamland, and there wasn't a single shapeshifting bearshark with robot intelligence that spit acid saliva.  He gave himself a total blank slate: a dream world with a virtually unlimited hollywood budget... and then filled it with the most conventional element in the world.  That's like your friend buying a Ferrari and then only using it to drive to church, or owning the world's greatest home entertainment system, but only having "The Notebook" in your DVD collection.

For the record, Inception is not the only movie I believe was made into a huge letdown by an over-reliance on gunplay: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, was another movie where the gunplay copout left me cold.  The whole point of the movie was two super-smart, super-spies who are married... and instead of extricating themselves from their spy agencies through some super-smart, stealthy piece of intrigue that gives them a watertight out... they shoot a bunch of people in a warehouse?  I was totally disappointed.

That's all for now.  Leave requests for other movies I can spoil in the comments.

Wanna be a KPop Star?

Now that I'm officially out of the KPop closet, I was looking up articles to put together a topic for my discussion class, and came across this:

what it takes to become a KPop star.

Interesting.  Extra Korea regularly comments on the conditions KPop stars work under (hint: pretty outrageous).

And in other news, I've got to report on KPop songs I like quick, for one of two reasons: either the song doesn't hit, and it vanishes from the public consciousness so quickly that my video clip seems irrelevant, or it DOES hit, and it becomes so ubiquitous that I get sick of it.

So here's the latest song that's been buzzing through my head.
And maybe if it gets stuck in your head, dear reader, it won't be stuck in mine for another week.



ever notice how so many of JYP's bands have English words at the most catchy points of the melody? Exactly those points that are supposed to catch in your head?

It makes me particularly susceptible to infection.

North Korea on Youtube

The Korea Herald had a blurb on its front page that North Korea had opened a Youtube channel.  Now, this is very, very interesting news to me, because a North Korean propaganda channel on Youtube is/could be...

1. unintentionally hilarious
2. unintentionally frightening
3. a fascinating convergence of backward-looking thought with new media
4. in danger of being blocked by the Korean government
5. loaded with hilariously bad English

-here we expat bloggers have been moaning that South Korean promotions people have been failing to reach their audience because they've been publishing/producing stuff THEY like instead of stuff that'll actually reach their audience... how much do you want to bet a North Korean Youtube channel will raise that hilari-out-of-touchness to a degree we may never have seen before.

If the intended audience of the Youtube channel is the international world, and not just South Korean sympathizers/potential sympathizers, that is.

Here's North Korea's Youtube Channel: take it with a grain of salt, and keep an eye on it: who knows when the hilarity will begin.  I'm praying for subtitles and English language narrators to keep me joy-ing.

Also interesting are the comment threads on most Youtube channels related to North Korea: even my own video about North Korea gets a random "Hail the great North Korea" comment posted on it about every third month or so.

For more North Korea on Youtube:
JucheKorea
rodrigorojo1 (Hat-tip to Reasonable Man)
the famous north/south b-boy showdown video that went around Youtube.

The video you SHOULD watch is this one, by LINK (Liberty In North Korea) - this was a video sponsored by Google to spread word about the situation in North Korea.  This video features a talk by a North Korean defector who grew up in a North Korean concentration camp.  Did you know there are still concentration camps operating in the world?  Why isn't every person in the world outraged about this?

public executions, mass starvation, concentration camps; the list goes on.

The tragedy: this video only has 100 000 or so views as of today.

story on google news
I'd link the Korea Herald article, but I've been getting "this site will harm your computer warnings" lately.

Vice Guide to North Korea: a tour of North Korea from the view of a western TV Crew who pretended to be tourists, and took hidden camera footage.

Language Changes How We Think: Article from "givemesomethingtoread.com"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703467304575383131592767868.html?mod=WSJEUROPE_hpp_MIDDLETopNews#printMode

Quote:

All this new research shows us that the languages we speak not only reflect or express our thoughts, but also shape the very thoughts we wish to express. The structures that exist in our languages profoundly shape how we construct reality, and help make us as smart and sophisticated as we are.

Language is a uniquely human gift. When we study language, we are uncovering in part what makes us human, getting a peek at the very nature of human nature. As we uncover how languages and their speakers differ from one another, we discover that human natures too can differ dramatically, depending on the languages we speak. The next steps are to understand the mechanisms through which languages help us construct the incredibly complex knowledge systems we have.

What does that mean for what you know of the Korean language?  Dump your theories here.

Sucks to your Internets, Korean Immigration. or: dealing with HIKOREA.or.kr was extremely frustrating today

I'm fuming right now.  All I wanted to do was make a reservation so that I didn't have to wait for five FRIGGIN' hours at immigration tomorrow afternoon when I actually have free time in my MAD schedule to go down and finish the documentation for my marriage visa.

That doesn't sound too hard, does it?

So I go to the website.  No problem.  Try to log in.  Popup.

"*#&@^$^@%@%^" (translation: "this is Korea, durr. We haven't heard of google chrome, or internet platforms other than Internet Explorer Six") ... or to be more accurate..

this...

is...

korea...

we...

haven't...

heard...

of...

you get the idea.

Firefox? (also known as the world's most widely used web browser)  No dice.  Safari?  No dice.

Welcome to Korea.  Mac users need not apply.  My own dumb fault for getting a mac, I suppose, but cripes almighty!

screenshot:  oh really? you don't say.

So I phone the operator at the immigration phone line thoughtfully supplied by the government of Korea.  How nice.  Really. and the lady was quite polite and patient, as she asked me to tell her my hikorea login and password over the phone (seriously, Korea? this is how you do things? have people read passwords to other people over the phone?)

except that there was NOTHING she could do.  Literally nothing.

The password I got when I registered didn't work.

"So how can I get a new password?"
Well, just go to your fax machine...
"Nobody uses fax machines."

Seriously?  A FRIGGIN' FAX MACHINE is the only way to recover your password?
Youtube lets you click a button, prove you're not a machine, and sends an e-mail to the address you originally provided.  Would that be so hard?

"But if you don't have a fax machine you can't get a new password."
Kind of misses the point of bringing the service online, don't you think?
"Maybe you have a friend who has a hikorea login that can make a reservation for you?"
Umm. no.  Why should I need to?
"Maybe you can come in really early tomorrow when the lines are light?"

Got classes then.

So I'm going to end up sitting in immigration for THREE FRIGGIN' HOURS of my ONLY FRIGGIN' free afternoon of the week (thanks to the new "hey, your seniority means nothing; you're all working four nights a week; newlywed nothin'!  Better enjoy your new bride on the weekend, 'cause you'll be getting home dead-tired ALL WEEK!" policy at my school) because that lovely, thoughtful phone line won't let people make reservations over the phone, even if they can provide all the pertinent id numbers.

Nope. They just have the phone line to talk you in circles until you go back to the website, so that nobody has to actually directly deal with you.

I'll be positive tomorrow.  Right now I'm friggin' choked.

And dear everyone running a website in Korea: it ain't 1997 anymore.  figure out a way to run your website on more than just Internet Explorer six.  Dumbass.

GAAAAH!

(image credit)

ATEK Presidential Nominations

The July ATEK newsletter, which was sent out to all members, announced that presidential nominations began on July 23.  They close tomorrow.

So far, one person has submitted her candidacy, and while I'm assured that she's awesome, it's better for the organization, and better for English teachers, if we have more people in the running.  Campaigning and presidential debates allow for a discussion of English teachers' situation in Korea, and the future of the organization, in a way that more clearly articulates a person's vision, and the community's needs.  If you're a general member of ATEK, and you want to throw your hat in the ring, the nomination period ends tomorrow, so get down to the ATEK general members forum to join the race.  Also: any nominations need to be seconded by a general member.  Don't forget to second candidates you support.

New Korea-related Brilliance on Youtube

When I was looking for that trot video I posted on the Taxi driver post, I stumbled across these as well:

now, I know we're all fond of KPop - honestly, it's taken me five years or so, but K-pop is starting to grow on me. Really grow on me - basically, because within the limitations of what it's trying to accomplish, it succeeds eeeextreeeemmmelllly well.

And let's be honest: we all have a soft spot for trot music, the cheesy, accordion-rich music the old taxi drivers listen to when they drive us from place to place, loaded with overdone vibratos and yodel-ly voice-cracking vocalization techniques.  It's silly, it's fun, and it's unlike ANYTHING from back home... admit it. You like it.  I know you do.

So let's combine them.

Watch the first two minutes of each of these videos if you don't know the original song, and then watch the howlingly funny "Trot" remakes:

Lollipop - from a phone ad a little while ago.  Featuring TWO Kpop megabands: Big Bang AND 2NE1.  That's right. How many kpop teen idol band sensations are promoting YOUR phone?  TWO? I didn't think so.


The Trot version:

bear with me. it gets better.


"Heartbreaker" by G-Dragon


And the trot remake: about halfway through, the traditional instruments take the whole thing moves to a new level approaching the sublime.

As an extra bonus, the Korean title is "Trotbreaker"

Finally, the best of all:

"Sorry Sorry" by SuperJunior, one of KPop's biggest supergroups.


and then watch this, the Trot Remake.

been having an excellent taxi driver week

Sometimes it's the little things in life that keep you afloat... especially when one's glorious wedding/family visit/honeymoon to the maldives/summer vacation suddenly morphs into a "worst working schedule I've ever had and the staff room air conditioner stopped working" return to work.

but i'm happy to report that I've had a startlingly good run of taxi drivers lately.

And as tribute to Taxi Drivers, who can be the best, or the worst thing about life in Korea, depending on the one, and the day, and the weather, here's some taxi driver music, also known as "Trot" or 트로트.


Wifeoseyo and I were in a taxi heading to the Seoul Station Lotte Mart, and as we passed Seoul Station, Wifeoseyo twisted around and gasped, "We've gone past Seoul Station! What are you doing?" to the taxi driver. As we came a little farther around the corner, it was revealed that the Lotte Mart was around the side of the main station. Instead of the gruff, bulldog snarl that a lot of taxi-drivers would offer when their passenger said, in effect, "What the hell are you doing?" -- this taxi driver looked ahead, and sang cheerfully, "Lotte Marteu" exactly the way the radio jingle goes. It cracked us both up, and turned the situation from possible mean to brilliantly fun. Lovely.

then, yesterday, I got off work, and wanted to test out another route home before the car wifeoseyo and I ordered arrives, and I start seriously considering driving to work. So I caught a cab, and asked him to take me home by way of a certain road that's less travelled by than the usual thoroughfares taxi drivers head for, when one asks to go to my new neighborhood.

As soon as I started talking in Korean, the Taxi driver started laughing with glee -- it took me a few seconds to suss out that he wasn't mocking me, but was simply impressed and tickled that I spoke Korean as well as I did (not THAT well... but I'll take it)

Then, he started telling stories in 85% Korean (but mostly simple enough I could catch the gist), about other non-Korean passengers he'd taken, which included a hilarious re-enactment of a conversation with some Arab passengers-

"You tomorrow airport come! Big cash!"
"No I taxi small! Five people my taxi small."
"Please you come tomorrow please cash money!"
"I sorry taxi small no five people sorry!"

he was laughing all through his own story, and the way he told it reminded me of the seven-year-old I used to teach who was so excited about his story that he stopped using words, and just acted the ends of his stories out with broad, comical charades, while his classmates looked on, bemused, with faces reading, "I have no idea what's going on, but it sure is entertaining!"

Then he went on to explain how Japanese passengers can't speak Korean OR English, and complained that English is hard. He took his little screen (which had been playing trot/techno, which he stopped at the beginning of the trip, and which I asked him to turn back on, because it was hella fun), and turned on an English tv drama, which we watched, all as he told me in asides, "I have no idea what they're saying," and then took a phrase from the show "How do you like that?" and repeated it as he heard it: "Hawyuulaee'det?" over and over, until it cracked me up again.

So yeah, sometimes things get busy, and air conditioners break down, and wallets get pick-pocketed... but there's always a funny taxi driver, a cute old lady, or a friendly stranger, to keep things from going too far down the dark road.

Best Mangled English of the Year So Far

Courtesy of Nick Elwood, of the blog "Bathhouse Ballads"

Electric Rice Cooker...

and cum warmer.

If you're into that kinky stuff. (as Nick says: don't forget to wash it out after)

Did this make the rounds while I was on my honeymoon, or is it as hilarious to you as it is to me?

Any other submissions for best mangled English of 2010, so far?

My Niece is Cute

One of the best thing about the wedding was the fact all but one of my nieces and nephews came to Korea to be at the wedding.  It was awesome!  My youngest niece (by one week) was the star of the show for a lot of the trip: her big blue eyes hypnotized the ajummas to give her free stuff, and she is very outgoing -- but just shy enough not to let anyone but her parents or relatives pick her up (fortunately).  Here, you can see her trying out her Korean (she understood what they meant, too), singing a song, kissing her new Aunty Wifeoseyo (we also call her Imo Wifeoseyo...except with her real name) and dancing to K-pop, as well as enjoying herself at the Morning Calm Garden.



One of the best parts was during the musical "Miso" at the Jungdong theater, which I highly, highly recommend: the cast of the musical spotted her sitting in the second row, and during the whole rest of the show they were sneaking peeks at her, waving at her, and the like.  Nieceoseyo, for her part, was an absolute doll: her mom (who directs plays back home) told Nieceoseyo to wave and blow kisses at the cast members, and they were total goners.  It was so fun to watch.  Even without the "the cast was flirting with my niece" part (they also flirted with my other nieces, who are three and eight, the show was great.

Finally, after the show finished, the cast came up to the Jungdong theater courtyard in full costume for some photo ops... but a lot of the people in the audience wanted pictures of my nieces and nephews instead!  :)