Wanna Chat with Foreign Beauties? How to Make Friends with a Foreigner Part 1

This is part 1 of a series on forming friendships between Koreans and expats. It sure isn't the final word on the subject, but maybe it's a start.  The table of contents is here.

In some kind of search for balance, because I can only represent the expat's side of the equation, I asked a few of my "Korean Korean" readers to contribute some advice and insights from the other side. Those posts will alternate with these ones, in an effort to redress the imbalance.

Hello to my (imaginary?) Korean readers. Nice to meet you. I'd like to give you some advice today. Maybe it fits your situation. Maybe it doesn’t. If my advice doesn't apply to you, don't get upset: be proud of yourself, and kindly ignore me.

For the rest of you: many Koreans I know want to have more foreign friends. That's great! But when some of you meet foreigners, the friendships you hoped for never develop. This can be frustrating for you, and meetings like this can be frustrating for us foreigners, too. This series will talk about some common mistakes which might be stopping you from making a good impression, and making a friend, when you talk to foreigners. Most people don't make ALL these mistakes at the same time, but if you want to become friends with foreigners, you must learn to avoid these common turn-off behaviors. I very carefully chose the word tips for this advice, because it's softer than rules: none of these tips are inflexible laws, because every conversation between two people is different. Think of them instead as suggestions, and things to remember

First things first:

Tip 1. Be Connected. Before you start talking to foreigners, get ready to connect in the ways foreigners connect. Most foreigners you meet won't know much about Korean networking websites like Cyworld. All the Korean on those sites is too much for most of us. However, almost every English-speaking foreigner in Korea under age 40 is on Facebook. If you're not on Facebook, you're missing a great way to make first connections, or to strengthen connections you've already made.

So get on facebook. Then, search Korea-based facebook groups for meetings and events related to your interests: these are the best places to meet foreigners, because if you went to the same event, you must share an interest. Later, you can connect with the people you met at those events on facebook, and plan to meet again at the next similar event. Looking in your areas of interest really increases your chance of making a better connection - it's way better than the subway, bars, or the street.

(Also: once you're on facebook, actually use it. Signing up for it, but never using it, won't help you.)

Tip 2: Be helpful, or generous. Give a little. I'll be friendlier if you buy me a drink, or a snack, or offer to help me when I'm lost, or something. More than that, if you're willing to use your Korean ability to help me buy a phone, call a repair person, or plan a weekend trip, or teach me some useful Korean phrases (not too many at one time, though) you might just become my favorite Korean in the world!

Tip 3: Be sensitive: Some days, I'm in an outgoing mood, and I'd love to talk with a stranger. Other days, I'm unhappy, sick, or tired, and I really DON'T want to. Before you approach me, look at my body language, and figure out if it's saying "approach me!" or "leave me alone." This will save us both from an uncomfortable situation.

Please leave me alone...

...Any time I'm not dressed: the gym changeroom, the sauna or jimjilbang, the bathroom.

...When I have headphones on.

...When I'm focused on a book, a conversation, a journal, a drink, etc..

...When it looks like I might be on a date.

...When I'm walking quickly.

Feel free to approach me:

...If I seem lost.

...If I'm looking around, and making eye contact with people.

...If I'm climbing a mountain.

...If we’re both in line, or commuting, and I look bored.

...If I'm reading a book or doing an activity that is also a hobby or interest of yours. "I see you're reading a book about pancake art. That is a hobby of mine," is the best way to start... if it's true.

Also:

...If your kids don't want to talk to me, don't make them.

...Don't shout "hello!" at me from a distance, or out your car window as you drive by

...Don't say "Hello nice to meet you" every time you see a white face, and especially don't say it and then run back to your group of friends.

...Don't greet me if you don't even have the English ability for a simple conversation.

These things make me feel like an animal in a zoo.

OK, that's part one. Stay tuned for part two, as well as part one of "How to make friends with Koreans" for my non-Korean readers.

Here's part 2.

Back to the Table of Contents for the series.

Jockey Suicide: Good For Man's Health Tells it Like It Is

Good For Man's Health, commenting on the story of a 28-year-old jockey who recently committed suicide, has had it with reports blaming suicides on peripheral factors.

Maybe I've just become a jerk (very likely), but I'm tired of reading these stories and seeing blame placed on everything except for the society of acceptance toward suicide that exists here.

Read the whole article.

There's a whole lot of different factors that come to bear on Korea's suicide rate, but the fact remains that netizen comments, job strife, competition, debt, accusations of crime, are constantly presented as reasons why somebody chose to commit suicide, when any and all of those problems have other solutions. That suicides are presented as if suicide were the only, or at least one legitimate response to these factors, perpetuates the cycle. In my opinion, the other three biggest factors in perpetuating the tragic suicide culture here are the media's disturbingly attentive coverage of suicides and suicide funerals, ignorance about depression and other mental illnesses, and the fear of being stigmatized for seeking help.

Korea's suicide rate is a tragedy in slow motion.

That's all for now.

Bull Fighting in Jinju

Kimchi and Cornbread has a great post about going to see the bull fights in Jinju. The photography, especially, is great. Go read it.

In Honor of St Patrick's Day: How to Really Improve Korea's Brand

So here's the idea.

St. Patrick's Day is coming, and everybody knows what that means.

For the uninitiated, here's a great 30 second history of St. Patrick's Day.

So here's the thing.

(image)

Not a lot of people know a whole lot more about Ireland than U2, sheep, Guinness, and all the symbols and images associated with St. Patrick's day. That's not a whole lot, really... and if you trot out those stereotypes as all you know, you'll get the verbal smackdown from your Irish friend just as quickly as if you make another f*#&ing 51st State/Exchange Rate joke to a Canadian. So yeah, it's unacceptable to wallow in ignorance about this awesome country, and unique culture, but the fact remains: a lot of people don't know all that much about Ireland.

But then, let's look again:

Yeah, the world doesn't know that much about Ireland... but what they DO know about Ireland is pretty darn positive. Cute Leprechauns, Guinness beer, four-leaf clovers, and a holiday that, while not observed in Ireland itself, has been popularized expressly as an excuse to have another day of the year to get smashed. And as Halloween has demonstrated, any excuse to get drunk will do. Who doesn't smile when the person they just met tells them they're Irish? Nobody, that's who, because everybody's had a great time at a St. Pafter's day party sometime in their life. Unless you've got a rugby or a football (that's soccer) rivalry somewhere in the background, that's most of what a lot of people know about Ireland. Not a bad start, frankly. Even I find myself predisposed to liking the Irish I meet because of those associations.

Along with that, St. Patrick's day means that, to be honest, I know a swack more about Ireland than I know about the Czech Republic, because there's no day when everybody dresses in blue and yellow and drinks pilsners. There are a whole ton of countries about which I know less than I know about Ireland, thanks to that silly drunk holiday which isn't even observed as a party day in Ireland (it was the Irish-Americans/Americans who really picked up on St. Patrick's day and started getting smashed - [fact check update] in Ireland, St Patrick's day is a week long religious holiday, where getting smashed might be part of the festivities; that's different from in Canada, where it's just a one-night drink-off.)

And here's what Korea can learn from this: with all that stress and anxiety about becoming better known around the world, here's all they really have to do: get the millions of Koreans living overseas to ...

1. Pick a random Korean holiday. I recommend Hangeul Day... but call it Sejong Day because that's easier to pronounce.

2. Dress all in red.

3. Invite Non-Koreans to the party. As many as you can, and make them part of the fun.

4. Everybody get royally smashed.

I recommend making it a mixer drinking party, as a tribute to soju -- soju might be hard to get around the world, but there are lots of other alcohols that are as fun as soju to mix with other drinks -- everybody dresses in red (this gives the party a recognizable visual identity, just as the drink-mixing theme helps people remember what to do) and it's only natural for it to turn into a bar crawl, because Koreans always hit up two or three places on their epic drinking binges. If at all possible, the party should end at a karaoke bar of some kind, another nod to Korean drinking culture, but that's by no means necessary.

And seriously, if Koreans abroad invited all their non-Korean friends to the party, and acted un-clannish for one night, so that everybody could join the fun, how long would it take for this to catch on? Exactly as long as it took for American frat-boys to go "HEY! ANOTHER DRINKING HOLIDAY SWEET!" and that's it. And within fifteen or twenty years, every university in sight would be dressing up in red, oiling up the karaoke machines, hitting up the barbeque restaurants, and mixing juices and liquors with other things, until the cows came home. It would have none of the pretension of trying to get Hanshik institutes established all around the world (that's never going to work, anyway), it'd make learning about Korea fun, there WOULD be an origin story -- people could learn about Hangul and Sejong, which in my opinion is the highest achievement of Korean culture -- but that would by no means kill the joy-buzz of having another night of the year when everybody gets happily sloshed.

So all my Kyopo readers, and Korean friends abroad: this is all you have to do to make Korea more famous worldwide, to make people like Koreans abroad, to lash some positive associations onto the Korean diaspora. Start planning your parties on Sejong Day, bring along as many non-Koreans as you can, and wait for the magic to spread. And dress in red.

You don't think this:

(image)

Will improve Korea's global image more than this?

(source)

Then you're just wrong, buddy.

Arbor Day, March 27th

Arbor Day is an awesome day: what a great idea it is to make a holiday just for planting trees! Sure, Korea's not the only place that observes Arbor day, but here in Korea it's on April 5th. Now, Korea's accomplishment in reforesting pretty much their entire country, after it had been razed by the Korean war, is an environmental side of Korea's post-war history that rarely gets told, next to the oft-trumpeted economic "miracle," but it's part of the story, folks.

Arbor Day is no longer a national red-letter day, but people still remember it, and this year, there's a sweet event happening near downtown Seoul. On March 27, near Gwanghwamun Station (line 3) there's a tree planting event on Inwang Mountain (one of my favorites). This is the kind of community event that I think expats should be finding out about, and joining.

So readers, I'm planning to go there on the 27th, and plant some trees. If you want to join me, let me know! I'll be writing about it on the 2S2 Blog as well, and you can let me know if you want to come from the 2S2 Facebook Group. Click on the picture for the full-size version.