I've decided, in a similar spirit to people choosing to read their old diaries, and see what insights/points/issues defined them at some past time, and maybe even re-collecting something that nearly got lost in the shuffle (what if I had some great insight that I set aside because I was too busy with X, Y, Z, or Giraffe, and never got back to it, to think more on the topic? What if I never properly incorporated some event into What I Learned This Year?)
So, I'm digging through my old e-mails, especially the ones between me and my dear friends Ma, Me, Ta, and EJ, who corresponded me during the time Mom was sick, and also the year after that, as I grieved Mom and Exgirfriendoseyo. It's been interesting, but it's going to take a lot of boiling down. I want to create something -- some kid of testament to loss and grief and connection and sorrow and vulnerability and disillusion -- but I won't know what kind of shape that might take until I've been through it all. There are literally hundreds of pages to go through, trimming the fat and digging through the peripherals to the heart of things, but I think what I'll have at the end of it will be quite valuable.
You may get some scraps here on the blog of some of that stuff, but some of it might need to go in some other place.
Do YOU ever read your old diaries?
one expat's life in Korea
6 comments:
yes, i read old diaries, and old letters too. they can be heartbreaking, embarrassing, funny, and often quite insightful. a hard thing for me to admit is that i go in cycles, that the current emotions that seem so intense are emotions i've felt before for similar reasons. on the other hand, it can be really heartening to see how far i've come on certain issues or matters of heart or matters of growth.
i will really be interested to hear what comes of this combing through old correspondence. it sounds so valuable--that was such an intense and important time in your life.
love you!
Yeah, I read old stuff. Very insightful. I also go thru old paintings and cringe.
I'm interested to share in your journey!
Thx for the support, btw. I don't seem to be up for the effort and time of emails these days, but you are in my thoughts always, and sometime soon I'll be up for an email.
xo
p.s. #2
I was in Agassiz today while at work. It is as beautiful as ever, but empty and hollow without you in it.
most of my journals are still in michigan - but i do think of doing this -
the last time i talked to you on the phone you were at cheryl and zeke's in ft langley and right in the midst of this time.
blessings wished upon you this night...
Criminiy! It's a big job: 509 pages of text, just for my e-mails to Tamie, Mel, Matt, eunjin, and Anna.
I might also have to look at what I wrote to suzanne.
I'll get back to you on what comes up, but it might take a while.
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